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Something other then the filler text after Star Army Common Skills would be nice or just removed. Unless they actually do underwater basketweaving. Other then that, looks fine. @Rizzo
There are a few things, but I'm not going to nitpick the small stuff (like how a MEGAMI system would filter out bugs before they get onto a ship):
Mental illness is a disqualifying factor for recruitment and she has escalating OCD
SAINT leadership would be played by me, I don't think I'd say what her wiki indicates
She's a sociopath and wouldn't have made it through SAINT training due to that behavioral issue, which is also a disqualifying factor to the whole Star Army
Ryuko was created in a hemosynth tank and thus was made to join in that way like other characters such as for example, Kiyo, or Yayoi have. I also didnt actually say she's a sociopathic, but I did add some corrections to her personality.
yes i thought it would be interesting to try out, and if anything, La Prossima might be interested in her as a member/subject of research or something.
That’s not a bad idea. I won’t lie, it looks like she’s in the advanced stages of ST Fragmentation with so much OCD and it gets much much worse.
it would be better to talk about it on discord, there are some things you’d need to know about this before you commit. It’s really bad.
Ryuko was created in a hemosynth tank and thus was made to join in that way like other characters such as for example, Kiyo, or Yayoi have. I also didnt actually say she's a sociopathic, but I did add some corrections to her personality.
I know you didn't, but I'm saying she's a sociopath based on the many behaviors described. I don't really see anything changed that makes her Star Army eligible, still. If anything, you added more reason for her to not be eligible with the schadenfreude addition. If you want to write a villainous character that derives great pleasure from killing, consider creating an enemy PC. But the Star Army doesn't want someone with these issues, much less does SAINT.
It's okay to have quirky characters, however characters who are diagnosed with extreme cases (the bio literally says "extreme") of mental health disorders aren't recruited by the Star Army of Yamatai. It might be better to say she's obsessed with cleaning without explicitly mentioning the health disorder.
Mind changing this line "SAINT leadership selected her to join the organization's elite La Prossima task force." up a bit since I don't know how true that'd be?
Make it Barone’s call. He has intel about just this kind of condition sent to him labeled ‘priority’ and everything. If someone is suspected of having it he’d be interested to investigate it.
Edit: she may not be immediately assigned to the taskforce, but rather invited for an interview. At which point Barone can offer an invitation.
No, nothing I've asked for to be compliant with entering the Star Army has been changed. She still has OCD and you still wrote for SAINT leadership. I whittled it down to just these things so try to rework the character without mental illness and without writing SAINT leadership chose her.
Also might want to ping @Wes for "Fragmentation of Soul Transfer (ST)" occurring in other Neko (not just this character) in a way that can rub off on others like a disease and see if he wants it to be a larger issue.
In the previous edits i have made, i had moved things that happened after getting affected with ST Fragmentation, was moved up, such as get entering Star Army, as a Hemosynth bred Neko and eventually joining SAINT in good standing, then getting affected with ST fragmentation which is the main reason why she's in La Prossima. also SAINT leadership was removed.
I do notice that she got these issues AFTER being recruited, but she would still get consistent evaluations, especially in SAINT. Maybe they noticed and sent her to get cured by Barone, who's the specialist?