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[Origin] Standard General Assault Rifle

I see nothing problematic excepting one issue: what does it fire? Is it a laser, a particle weapon, a plasma gun, what? Since it has no ammunition I am assuming it is a laser, but this should be stated.
 
This review is for: Origin Standard General Assault Rifle with URL https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=or ... ault_rifle

The submitted article is/has…
[ ] A general topic sentence under the title header
Instead of a sentence there is a sentence fragment.

[X] Artwork (illustrations are strongly encouraged for all spacecraft and handheld items)
The artwork is too large and causes horizontal scroll.

[ ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
Explain in the article why this weapon was created. In fact, it needs a history section.

[ ] In the proper format/template
Please avoid using forced line breaks ( \\ ) in articles.

[X] Proofread for spelling and grammar
It seems okay.

[X] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[X] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[X] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[X] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[X] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[X] Obtusely redundant
[X] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[X] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[X] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
"ROF: as fast as you can pull the trigger/ 200 RPM "

[X] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[X] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[X] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[X] Lacking Detail

The article has…
[NA] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[ ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
DR is too high. Follow the Damage Rating page.


[ ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).

[ ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
The nomenclature section does not have a nomenclature listed.
 
Wes said:
The submitted article is/has…
[ ] A general topic sentence under the title header
Instead of a sentence there is a sentence fragment.
Click to expand...

Fixed

[X] Artwork (illustrations are strongly encouraged for all spacecraft and handheld items)
The artwork is too large and causes horizontal scroll.
Click to expand...

It is? it looks fine on my screen.

[ ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
Explain in the article why this weapon was created. In fact, it needs a history section.
Click to expand...

History section added.

[ ] In the proper format/template
Please avoid using forced line breaks ( \\ ) in articles.
Click to expand...

Why, Exactly?

[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
"ROF: as fast as you can pull the trigger/ 200 RPM "
Click to expand...

Fixed, I believe

[ ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
DR is too high. Follow the Damage Rating page.
Click to expand...

It's supposed to be higher than the normal.

[ ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
Click to expand...

added

[ ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
The nomenclature section does not have a nomenclature listed.
Click to expand...

added
 
In regards to the picture size, I believe the issue is that the site admins want the site to appear normally when viewed at a lower resolution (as opposed to 1280 or higher that you are likely viewing it). At a resoultion at or lower than 1024x768 the picture stretches off the side of the browser.
 
Perhaps setting the picture width to about 700 pixels would ensure that anyone who views it will have no problems.

(I didn't even notice this the first time I looked at it, running in my native resolution of 1280x800; but I could imagine it would be terribly large on low res screens)
 
I resized the images, so hopefully they are small enough now.
 
It kinda does, Osaka.

And Wes, could you get back to me about the formatting and the DR?
 
Formatting:
Break the article down into sections which create a more easily readable article.

Here's an example page where I've just neatened things up for you. Don't worry, I haven't touched your actual article: this is under origin:standard_general_assault_rifle_example. Do as you like with it.



Keep up the good work!
 
I was just using the format most other gun articles had been in previously, but I like this new formatting scheme a bit better, if it could be cleaned up a little more. You don't mind If i take this formatting and mess with it a little for my own devices, do you?
 
No need for a rate of fire. Just say "semi-automatic."

The DR seems fine, Wes ... I mean, it is an energy weapon. And it is designed to do some serious damage, better than a slug gun. Why not PDR 4?

Keep in mind that 25 inches is actually very short for a full-length rifle. The P90 is nearly 20 inches long, and it's a very small weapon. You could make this a 35-inch weapon without a problem.
 
I'm fairly certain I've fixed the formatting, I changed much of it to list format as opposed to linebreaking.

I also made it a bit bigger and mildly heavier, and changed the ROF to say 'Semi-automatic' instead of 'as fast as a person can pull the trigger'
 
This review is for: Origin Industries Standard General Assault Rifle

The submitted article is/has…
[+] A general topic sentence under the title header
[+] Artwork (illustrations are strongly encouraged for all spacecraft and handheld items)
[+] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[+] In the proper format/template
[+] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[+] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[+] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[+] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[+] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[-] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[-] Obtusely redundant
[-] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[-] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[-] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[-] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[-] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[-] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[-] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[+]Lacking Detail

The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[+] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[+] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[+] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
One issue needs to be addressed and will hold up approval.
** Number of shots not given in main article.


Status:
Approval pending resolution of one issue.

Notes
I know that the linked battery lists the number of shots for the given DR, but the main article (the gun) should also have a listing for how many shots it gets from its battery.
 
The number of shots is actually in the Nomenclature section for some reason, so I moved it to the ammunition section to avoid confusion.
 
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