Origin's Homeworld (Work in Progress)

[phacon]

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=system:ake

It Orgin Industries's homeworld that I been working on for a couple of months with Fay on. Originally back in November Kai request, Fay help to make his faction's homeworld, which I volunteered to help with; and this wikipage is the product of our efforts.

Since it was almost done, I thought I would go ahead and post it so Kai can do a final more official review. The only think that left undone is the dwarf planet in the asteroid belt, so Orgin can have now the option of 3 places to mine for resources, still has no name. This is mainly because I am really bad with names.

So any suggestions, feedback, questions, or comments would be appreciated.

 

[phacon]

Oh an this is more probably a Wes/moderator question... but I know the pictures to big, but I really wanted the map to be like to scale so it could be explorable... plus my orginal idea was to give the map its own page like
https://stararmy.com/setting/space/star_map_big.html, but I wasn't sure how to do that..

Wes, do you have any idea how to give it is own page similar to the orginal starmap?

 

[Kai]

The Dwarf planet's description seems to be incomplete.

I found a number of grammatical errors (more than I can remember to point out)

Other than that, it looks really good.

 

[phacon]

Yeah actually I was hoping for some feed back from other SARP memebers for a suggestion on the name of that last planet and then I was going to add more to the description about how its a great place to mine or maybe other things.

 

[phacon]

The Dwarf planet's description seems to be incomplete.

I found a number of grammatical errors (more than I can remember to point out)

Other than that, it looks really good.

Ok, I added some more stuff for the Dwarf Planet. I did change the name of the Gas Gaint because I realize he o' koita was actually well 18+, when looked up the name. Although by current public reaction, Kaze no Pantsu doesn't seem too much better. Any suggestions on a name for a giant blue gas giant would be nice.

 

[phacon]

I did think about maybe calling the third planet "lucky boxers of victory", in reference to a certain captain in SARP, in Japanese but I wasn't sure how to translate it into Japanese ^^;

Plus, I am not sure how better it is than what I have know <-<;

 

[phacon]

-Update-
After talking to Kai and suggestions from members of his plotship, the name of Planet 3 has been changed to Minimi, which means "the grey of morning".

Finally, I have added a lot of detail to the dwarf planet, Meiōsei. Hopefully, this is enough detail that Kai was expecting. Note, I intentionally choose those specific minerals because they are among the few elements found in asteroids that contain Aluminum, Titanium, or Niobium. This way Meiōsei can serve as an example to others.

 

[Nashoba]

Overall its good, but there are still a lot of grammatical errors.

 

[phacon]

There aren't that many <_<;;

I did do a grammar check though

 

[Nashoba]

Other than the fact that this system is so outrageously "convient" in its contents.

Having the single largest asteroid belt ever discovered and a metallicity 10 times the average.

Ake is home to a plethora of rare minerals, including titanium, niobium, osmium, and aluminum just to name a few.

Besides conductive liquid-metals, the planet is notable abundance of metallic hydrogen and metallic carbon in its lava seas. There are also notable deposits of iridium, niobium, tin, ytterbium, and many other transition metals scatter across the surface.

Buried deep in soil, deposits of titanium and osmium can be found.

Why don't you include unobtainium.

Not going to deny it for the convience factor.

Approved.