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Approved Submission [Ottyo] Noble Peerage

CadetNewb

CadetNewb

Well-Known Member
Submission Type: Culture/Society
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:prydania:noble_peerage

Faction:
FM Approved: Yes
Faction requires art: No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles: No
Contains New art: No
Previously Submitted: No

Notes:

This article lays out the social structure of the Principality, and OOC, was made specifically with internal conflict present in order to provide opportunity for intrigue and RP.
 
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You capitalize professions quite often, like 'Doctor' and 'Engineer'.

"...affairs. Meanwhile. Martial..." Fix this sentence to have a comma behind meanwhile and lower case martial.

"The status of being Landed or Unlanded - owning property, space assets, a company or similar..." It sounds like Unlanded could be the state of owning things. Please make it clear which is which.

Define who these non-Ottyo are.

Please use periods at the end of the sentences/ paragraphs inside of the charts.

For Squire you just put, "Squad, Vehicle" instead of Commander of a Squad or Vehicle.
 
Ok, I've gone ahead and fixed the period between meanwhile and marshal as well as clarified the bit about Landed vs Unlanded. It's more about having enough to be considered a fiefdom. I've also gone ahead and defined the non-Ottyo a bit more, but deliberately avoided being specific so we have wiggle room in the future. There's also periods in the ends of the charts now too. I left "Squad, Vehicle" alone in the Squire seciton since it's in the Role/Command category; I'm hoping it's self explanatory enough. I also left the professions capitalized for now since it seems to look nicer and pay more respect.

That ok?
 
"The status of being Landed or Unlanded - owning enough property, space assets, a company or similar to have a 'Fiefdom' - is often another source of contention between Martial and Civil Nobility."

I would recommend having this be something that's more clear. You added words but didn't clear up my original concern that it is very unclear if Unlanded means that they own property or is it the other way around?

The rest I will let remain as it is.
 
Ah, it took me a moment to understand; I went ahead and rearranged the order. It's now, "The status of being Landed - having a 'Fiefdom' through ownership of property, space assets, companies and the like - or Unlanded, is often another source of contention between Martial and Civil Nobility." The idea is that Civil Nobility are typically 'Landed' by default since they typically earn their rank through creating their own business empires and financial assets, while the Martial ones aren't due to having been promoted for military ability. I hope that covers it.
 
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