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Approved Submission [Ottyo] Royal Defense Initiative Portrayal Guide

CadetNewb

CadetNewb

Well-Known Member
Submission Type: Setting Element Guide
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:royal_defense_initiative_portrayal_guide

Faction:
FM Approved: Yes
Faction requires art: No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles: Yes
Contains New art: No
Previously Submitted: No

Notes:

Currently, the article links to another guide, but for the time being, I only want this to go under review. Besides that one sub or side article, the rest of the links are approved. Regarding this article itself though, this is supposed to be a general guide to the equipment used by the Principality and how it tends to typically behave in battle. Because of this, the article will be constantly updated as I put in more and more gear, which is something to consider.
 
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Is this something that's really an approvable submission?

This is a portrayal guide desired by the FM of an NPC antagonist faction. This doesn't feel like a submission, but a GM tool. Not even in the style of a plot device.

What's the sub article that's not approved?
 
Honestly, I've no idea if it is something to be approved, or due to being a GM tool, has the green light from the get-go. Still, I'd rather play it safe than sorry. The sub-article that's not approved is really a link to another guide, which I'm not submitting at this time yet.
 
Please remove references to Yamatai.
 
I've gone ahead and made a first pass on the article @Wes , how's it look? Also, what are your thoughts regarding the nature of the article itself? Doshii's uncertain if it's the sort of thing that's approvable.
 
I don't think the Mishhuvurthyar have encountered the Ottyo either, have they?

In general the article seems okay to me.
 
The article is meant to serve as a portrayal guide, and part involves showing readers what certain types of people/characters would think of the Ottyo or their things In-Character. Despite the statements themselves being non-canon, I wanted them to offer the correct feel regarding that. I've went ahead and removed the direct reference however.
 
Even with "Ketsurui Samurai" changed to just "Samurai" in that one quote, what does that refer to within the setting other than a Ketsurui Samurai? Maybe like "veteran swordsman" or something would be more appropriate.
 
With that Raz, it becomes more nebulous to what degree the subject in question is effective, which counterintuitive considering the point of the article. The little flavor texts are meant to set the tone of the following information while also being entertaining, and in this instance, isn't even unfavorable.
 
It's not very helpful as flavor without saying "Ketsurui Samurai," though, since they're the only wildly powerful sword wielders in the setting. So it's left weirdly implied to people who know the setting, and gives the impression that any ol' Space Sammy could match a Sutherland to those who do not know the setting. Just a suggestion to pick something that could better describe what you want it to convey, since you were asked not to have direct references to Yamatai, and an indirect reference is "nebulous."
 
No, and that's the problem, there's quotes from people who encountered these species when no one has ever encountered them in the RP.
 
Correct. They're non-canon, but they're there to set the mood, tone and outlook of the article from then on. It's something that I found effective in regards to some of the Freespacer articles despite their age and would like to try here. Otherwise, the article would feel more dry without.
 
The Freespacer articles reference philosophers not meant to be encountered in the RP, and it also was the FM of the race herself creating said quotes, establishing her own creation's lore.

You're drawing on an experience that hasn't happened and isn't guaranteed to happen. As well, it might feel dry to you, but you're providing the GM with the things they need -- actual guidance on how the race should behave, not how other races should behave around them.

Remove the quote, please.
 
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