Approved Submission [Ottyo] Royal Defense Initiative

[CadetNewb]

Submission Type: National Military
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:principality_of_prydainia:royal_defense_initiative

Faction:
FM Approved Yet: Yes
Faction requires art: No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles: Yes
Contains New art: No
Previously Submitted: No

Notes:

Currently, I'm only submitting the page as-is, and not the sub-articles, which I will do at a later date instead.

 

[Ametheliana]

I'll take a look soon!

 

[Ametheliana]

It seems I can't look past the unapproved sub-articles. Can you add them in as they get approved?

 

[CadetNewb]

Darn, I didn't get a notice D :

Yes, I'll be moving them aside for the time being. For now, I've gone ahead and put them into the OOC Notes section to keep track of things. How's the article look now?

 

[Ametheliana]

"intimidating military force" (Needs a period.)

"In and of itself, this blurred line can instill a sense of dread, but due to their design, often do so deliberately." (Can you fix this sentence?)

"The RDI relies heavily on bio-organic weapons and systems which in turn utilize the mundane in creative or exotic ways, with the careful implementation of fear and terror being a key aspect of their style." (This sentence can be expanded upon)

All in all, v good.

 

[CadetNewb]

Changes made - how's that?

 

[Ametheliana]

Approved