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Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

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  • 📅 December 2024 is YE 46.9 in the RP.

Approved Character Razzulik

Hiya O-shnap, my name is Yoroko and I'm temporarily GMing the UCS Zenpyou plot in the UOC. I'm not a character reviewer, so I don't hold any weight here but I can offer my advice :)

I like the character concept! It'd be interesting to read a little bit more about the character's personality. Even some more about how he felt while he was floating in his escape pod, about being kidnapped by pirates, even how he feels about the UOC.

One minor thing: it is the UOC not the OUC :) It stands for United Outer Colonies. It's an easy thing to switch around, so no big problem. I went ahead and changed all of those throughout the page. I also added in the appropriate inventory, I'm not sure if it's not in the character generator page or not but I took care of it for you :)

Anyway, good luck dude!

PS: I won't be GMing for much longer. In a few weeks I head out for bootcamp, so more likely than not your GM will be Kim. Don't worry, she's awesome.
 
Hey, O-shnap! I'm Fay, the creator of the Azorean race. I don't know what you've heard about me, but I have been on and off the site for various reasons. Anyways, I'm here to review your character! :D

Anywho, here are some things that I've noticed:

1) He could use a little bit more detail in his physical description. I like that you are short and sweet, but it needs a little more meat in a way. Plus, you need to put in his facial features. That's probably the hardest part for a physical appearance, but all you really need to say is "He has a thin face" or something like that.

2) There are a few spelling errors: "offten" in the personality section

3) A few grammars errors are occurring here and there, but it isn't anything too horrible.

4) His rank will be Peacekeeper Recruit.

5) I'll let Doshii handle the skills, but they seem a little bare to me. If you have to, you can copy/paste a few from the wiki on skills.

Now, I have some questions for the UOC GMs. Would this character be able to wear a custom-made uniform that is similar to the Azorean Ikonmoud? The Azoreans and UOC haven't made any sort of treaties (I know you've been busy, Kim. It's okay.), so would this character be able to join a foreign military without them? If not, then whenever we do RP out the treaties, then it could be a timeline jump to before this character joined.

This character is pending until some issues, both character-wise and political-wise, are resolved.
 
I fixed all the mistakes I could find and I assumed it was cool to join the UOC since it said that they aren't unheard of in other fractions, plus I think there is already an azorean in the UOC. Anyways, I tried to fix the physical description but descriptive writing isn't my best field.
 
We've had an Azorean before, but Kim's probably the one to talk about. *fishes for the Azorean's wiki profile*. As for your question, Kim could answer it better but, I don't see any reason why not. Worst case scenario, they would be required to wear the standard UOC uniform over their Ikonmoud.
 
I discussed with Soresu and Doshii last night about it, and I'm pretty sure a normal uniform could be modified by being made a the same/similar absorbent material that the Azoreans wear. I had forgotten that the UOC has had an Azorean before. I will still like to talk to Kim (and perhaps you as well, Yoroko) about the treaties.

O-shnap, there are still a few letters that are capitalized when they aren't supposed to be, along with a few letters that should be capitalized, but aren't. However, that isn't that big of an issue. You fixed all that I pointed out, and I thank you.

My blessing is given for this character to be approved. *nods sagely* May Nimiss protect and guide you on your path, ye of the Muclremt Citystate.

Edit: Send me a PM and we can try to RP out a neat little going away thing for your character, if you like.

Note: muclremt [moo-klu-raeaym-te] = lost child; see "Expatriate"
 
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