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Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

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  • 📅 December 2024 is YE 46.9 in the RP.

Approved Character >Review me!<: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

Re: New Character: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

Broken link. Also, where does the Transdimensional alien come from? SARP is more anal than I am about this, Teddo.
 
Re: New Character: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

Link fixed. I haven't completely developed much about them. It doesn't really matter what dimension...
 
Re: New Character: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

I think that we've discussed other dimensional beings before, but I suggest that she just have a normal Nepleslian father... It makes her too special. Special = bad mojo in SA. We try to make the characters pretty similar to keep the fairness.

If you wish to attempt to write up on these other dimensional beings, however, please do so. You have to have at least six months of RPing experience on this site, though. The worst that we could do is deny the submission. Plus, I'd rather you submit the species first before making this character a half-breed so we know her capabilities, differences from normal humans, etc.

For the rest of the character:

1. Only 120 lbs, slim build, and D-cups? Seriously? She'd have to be at least a C to pull that one off, truthfully. With her build, she -would- be anemic for a Nepleslian, but still.. the D-cups don't fit. Breasts are just basically fat deposits, so do you understand what I mean?

2. How is the 'rosiness' part of her skin? Is it artificial or natural? Explain either choice thoroughly please.

3. Remove 'very pretty' and 'stunning' from the "Facial Features and Eye Color" section. Let the roleplayers/GM decide if her face is pretty or her eyes are stunning or not.

4. Her hair length might get in the way of being a marine.

5. What triggers her cheerfulness if she's usually sad?

6. For family, please state the mother's name (we know she's a slave by the history), father's name (his species should be in the history, too), and whoever (among the slavers/slaves) actually took care of her. Remember, there are absolutely no mysteries when it comes to character bios on SARP.

7. What does the surname mean?

8. You need one more skill. Please review this wiki article, as you are missing some required skills as well.

9. Physical: She should've also been trained in use of weapons/hand-to-hand combat/grenades from the Nep bootcamp.

10. The "Inventory" header is posted twice.

Overall: I can barely call this character decent. You have a lot of issues, but your large vocabulary is a plus. The above issues need to be addressed, and the father's species must be clarified upon. I can see your potential, so don't give up.

Character approval denied until these 'other dimensional beings' are submitted and approved for IC usage.
 
Re: New Character: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

Small note: I shall have my D-cups! xD

All of the aforementioned issues have been addressed.

The species write-up can be found here.
 
Re: New Character: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

New races should be submitted separately. They cannot be approved through a character submission.
 
Re: New Character: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

Just as I said earlier. The 'Tarkarians' will also need a little more depth, btw, but that's a discussion for the appropriate Submission Forums.
 
Re: *Race Approved*: Otarcael "Lilly" Livia

Tarkarians have been approved for IC use. The character can finish going through review.
 
I still don't like that she's only 120 lbs. Muscle weighs a lot more then fat... and you have -both- on her. Where did all that weight go?

Other then that, she's fine.
 
Only 120? I'm 2 inches taller than her, and I'm 110. Also, since most of her physical characteristics are Tarkarian, she'd look like the figurative twig.
 
I guess that I can understand that... but I dislike the common "thin waist and big boobs" cliche that surrounds everything. Btw, unless you are female and have D-cups at 110 pounds, I wouldn't try comparing yourself to your character. Just saying.

Character is approved for IC-usage. Please be sure to request orders from the proper authorities in the proper forum.

PS Good luck vs the Nep nerd-rushing! :D
 
I tried to tell you that D-cups were a bad idea.. and now, you get to suffer the consequences! Muahahahahaha!!! :twisted:

Edit: Just kidding really, but just expect her to be hit on by... everyone. <.<;; The crew, the bad guys, the people down every street on every Nep planet/station/ship/etc.
 
Oh, who cares. She was a SEX SLAVE for goodness sake.


Fay said:
Btw, unless you are female and have D-cups at 110 pounds, I wouldn't try comparing yourself to your character.
Click to expand...

Wait a second, is that implying the boobs should weigh over 10 pounds...??

:P
 
Actually, I would assume so. Unless you're from another country with a different boob-system, D-cups should be pretty heavy. She'll probably have a LOT of back problems, too.. Although, she does have muscles from the Nep genes, soooo... Idk.
 
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