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Approved Character Rhogar Castus Nesplesian Marine
- Thread starter Rhogar
- Start date
Aendri
Inactive Member
'hokay. Don't usually do ID-SOLs, but I'll go through quickly.
Not sure about the canine thing. I doubt the hormone would cause that, but I'll leave that for a Nep GM to say yes or no to.
Personality needs a LOT of work. You want about a solid paragraph, not two short sentences. Remember, this should be a fairly comprehensive summary of his personality. How does he act towards people, what does he enjoy doing. Honestly, what you have now is something I'd rather see RPed out then described to me. Give us the stuff that involves interaction.
In dislikes, only go with one of the first three. They're more or less the same, so I'd rather see something completely separate.
I dislike the history (Or lack thereof) immensely, but I'm not sure what the policy on ID-SOLs is there, so I'll leave it be.
Two things in the skills section. One is that there is at least one instance of 'the character' left, in Communications. Two is that I'd like to see them fleshed out a bit more. Not more powerful, but more specific and detailed. So he can cook. Cook what? Just because I can grill a hamburger doesn't mean I'm a top-class hibachi chef. Explosives? So he's capable of disarming and finding anything from a pipe bomb to a nuke? Doubtful.
Scratch the Starting Pay line at the end of your inventory, and fix it in our finances. Can't remember the standard pay for a P3C is, so that will be clarified later.
Overall, a decent first try, though a bit barebones in my opinion.
This character needs a faction mod to look it over.
Not sure about the canine thing. I doubt the hormone would cause that, but I'll leave that for a Nep GM to say yes or no to.
Personality needs a LOT of work. You want about a solid paragraph, not two short sentences. Remember, this should be a fairly comprehensive summary of his personality. How does he act towards people, what does he enjoy doing. Honestly, what you have now is something I'd rather see RPed out then described to me. Give us the stuff that involves interaction.
In dislikes, only go with one of the first three. They're more or less the same, so I'd rather see something completely separate.
I dislike the history (Or lack thereof) immensely, but I'm not sure what the policy on ID-SOLs is there, so I'll leave it be.
Two things in the skills section. One is that there is at least one instance of 'the character' left, in Communications. Two is that I'd like to see them fleshed out a bit more. Not more powerful, but more specific and detailed. So he can cook. Cook what? Just because I can grill a hamburger doesn't mean I'm a top-class hibachi chef. Explosives? So he's capable of disarming and finding anything from a pipe bomb to a nuke? Doubtful.
Scratch the Starting Pay line at the end of your inventory, and fix it in our finances. Can't remember the standard pay for a P3C is, so that will be clarified later.
Overall, a decent first try, though a bit barebones in my opinion.
This character needs a faction mod to look it over.
Fian
Well-Known Member
Yo, I'm the GM of the Acadia, the plot which your friend is in. So I guess this is like picking someone up from the airport, eh? Don't worry, provided you make the necessary changes, you'll be RPing within the week. I'll go through Aendri's concerns one by one.
I'm a Nep GM and I'll say yes, it is a acceptable defining feature.
Bland clones are fine... For a non-player character that is. I would like you to expand this, perhaps he had inherited some personality traits from his clone parent? Maybe something interesting happened during boot camp, or the period between graduating and waiting for his assignment?
Same as above, I want to see some expansion even if its just mundane stuff. His history may have shaped his personality.
Fix the 'the character' placeholder in your skills. Expand the cooking skill, maybe it ties in with his history and personality? I see you used the boilerplate description for Demolitions so you can leave that alone.
P3C is 50 DA/Week.
Aendri
Inactive Member
Okay, round two, should go much faster this time.
Capitalize M in male under your heading.
Occupation would be infantry, or demolitions. It's whatever role you intend his skillset for.
I'd recommend the use of commas in the history, but that's readability issue, so it won't hold approval up.
Still two instances of 'the character', one in Communication, one in Survival.
Still need to erase the note of money under inventory, and fix the amount and form of money in the Finances section.
Pending those changes, I recommend approval.
Capitalize M in male under your heading.
Occupation would be infantry, or demolitions. It's whatever role you intend his skillset for.
I'd recommend the use of commas in the history, but that's readability issue, so it won't hold approval up.
Still two instances of 'the character', one in Communication, one in Survival.
Still need to erase the note of money under inventory, and fix the amount and form of money in the Finances section.
Pending those changes, I recommend approval.
On Aendri's recommendation, this character is approved for IC usage.
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