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Approved Character Robert Conagher

Hey there, Drakon. I'm Doshii Jun, a character mod on the site. I'll be going over your character. When you've finished making the edits I suggest or demand, reply to this thread to let me know, and I'll go over him again for approval.

If you've got questions, don't hesitate to ask me.

1. Dump "mesomorph" for "muscular."

2. "Southern" is an Earth term, and here at SARP we try to keep Earth terms out of the parlance on the wiki. However, there's no other way to say it and have it make sense ... can you please edit it to say "a (Southern) drawl" instead, please?

3. What's the strange sign on the eagle's chest?

4. In Personality, remove the word "gifted." You can call him a "mechanically inclined man." That avoids the superlative on the wiki, as wiki pages are meant to be in encyclopedic (read: neutral) tone.

5. Instead of "Environmental Control/Stabilization Device", say "aether generator." That's something he'll need to know anyway.

6. In Likes, what's a "Loger"?

7. In History, why would Yamataians and Neko want to see him fail? Yamataians and Nepleslians do get along, even when their governments don't, and many of the most famous SAoY officers were Nepleslian. I understand you want the adversity part in there to make him tougher, but it isn't supported by canon.

8. In Skills, under "Survival," we run into that same problem as in History. It's not supported by canon. However, surviving on Nepleslia is a different story, and that can be used to justify the skill.

9. In Fighting, you should have run into some text that is standardized. It goes like this:
Fighting: Your character received hand-to-hand combat training, followed up with a rigorous training program. She is skilled and experienced in combat both in Yamatai-like conditions and in zero-gravity, with and without weapons. Weapons she is trained in include energy pistols, knives, and power armor.
Click to expand...
You need to have that in there, as that's the standard training regimen.

10. In Mathematics, take out the line that starts, "Geometry". You don't need that.

Overall: A good first entry. You've got some edits to make, but you've got a very solid character right now. However, you should run spellcheck.

This character is pending.
 
You still have the unsupported points about Yamataians and Neko being "somewhat against the idea" of him joining the Star Army. Again — no basis for this. Please take out the references in the Survival skill and History, then you're good to go.
 
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