I'm glad to see you're joining us. Right now though, I'm not ready to dive into the history in-detail until tomorrow, but I can give feedback on the other aspects. I suggest dividing the history into sub-sections. One for his parents' history, and one for his own to make it easier to read and to keep it more organized. That aside, I note that you'll have to change the character's current occupation to Ex-SAoY or something else, since in IC-present, we've yet to finish establishing the faction and because we'll be operating as a Suzerainty in the future.