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Rejected Character Sanjuro Hayami

T

Templeton

Inactive Member
Name: Sanjuro Hayami

General Information

Species: [Being fixed.]
Gender: Male
Age: 25

Family/Creators: Shino Hayami (mother), Matsugoro Hayami (father).

Faction: Funky City Police Department.
Occupation: Officer.
Rank: Corporal.
Current Assignment:

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6'3â€
 
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This character looks good, except maybe the race. Most people living on Nepleslia are well ... Nepleslian, not Geshrin. I also do not know whether the Plague affected Nepleslia, or why he is Geshrin instead of human in that case.

Apart from that it seems to be alright, you do step into the having a heroicly dying father typecast, but that's alright as long as it isn't overdone.

There's something gnawing at me about the history, but Thad'll sniff it out better than I can.

Other than that it all seems good.
 
1) I never saw any information about the race percentages on Nepleslia, but I assumed there had to be some Geshrin there.

2) I had a hard time finding detailed information on the Geshrin plague. I didn't know if it was limited to a single planet.

3) I never said the father was a hero or had a heroic death. I also had trouble finding detailed information on the Battle of Nepleslia. To be honest, I don't even know if any of the battle occured in or around Funky City. I don't even know if the battle occured on the planet itself or just in space around it.

I tried to make a character different that the norm I've seen created since I've joined, so I tried to go in a direction that didn't seem that well documented or just wasn't very accessible to a newb such as myself.

Thanks for the comments, though.
 
Nice to see you dismissing him. Change it to Nepleslian. Frankly, you're not the first person to try and pull the Geshrin thing and it's getting old. Nothing personal I just think there should actually be Nepleslian PC's on Nepleslia. Stretching the borders of plausibility is not advised, it only disrupts the culpability of your character. :/
 
Yes, the plague was limited to Yamatai. The whole planet was quarantined, I believe.

I'm fine with him being Geshrin, but there should be some rationale given on why his family decided to move to Nepleslia. (A juicy job offer? His mother's research?) That, or change him to Nepleslian, like Rei suggested.
 

Whoa, whoa, whoa. . .

Wow. I don't understand what you mean when you say "dismissing him", "pull the Geshrin thing", and "stretching the borders." Please, enlighten me. You seem awful hostile, and I don't have the slightest idea why. You sound as if you think I purposefully made this character wrong. I promise you that I didn't.

I have absolutely no problem with changing the race and history, or anything else that needs to be.
 
I wouldn't think there would be a major problem with having geshrin on neplisia, in all honesty, theres interstellar trade, and since neplisia was part of the yamatain empire for a long while, there have to be SOME geshrin on neplisia. Yes there should probably be a listed reason since they would be reasonably rare, but no reason to order him to change it.
 
Could anyone provide me with a link to information on the Battle of Nepleslia?

EDIT: And while I'm at it, does anyone have any problems at all with the skills?
 
The skills look good to me. He's individual, but not a god, which is always a temptation when creating a character, but you have managed not fall into that man-trap.

There should be no problems as long as someone doesn't point out something I've missed.

On that subject where is Thad?

On your other point of intrest, I don't know about the battle of Nepleslia. If it was the Mishu attack then it is covered in the 'Funky City of Fire form', if it's not, then it was before my time on one of the other boards.
 
Ya'll are assuming new players know all the details about each of the races, which they don't.

In the CCG, it says members of Nepleslia can be one of several races including:

Elf
Elysian
Geshrin
ID-SOL
Kodian (?)
Neolibre (?!)
Nepleslian (woot)
Seelie (?)
Thaxarian (!)
Yamataian (?)

Female:

Seelie

Other:

Neko (!!!!!!!)

This is not the fault of the player making the character. He has no way of realizing what races are restricted where unless he does some intensive (and I mean INTENSIVE) reading on the forums. You can't expect everyone to do that!

It's not that he's too lazy or doesn't want to look up this information, either. It's completely inaccessible to newer players. Ya'll should really understand that rather than jump on this guy's back (looking at Rei, arrrggghhhh).

We haven't done the best job at providing basic storyline information, either.

Give the man a break. His character looks wonderful.
 
I'd be a ID-Sol with an inferiority complex if I where you. That hasn't been done.

Or an Elf on Nepleslia. That would be nice.

Or a Kodian becasue .... ah, just do it.
 
Ha! Jump on his back? Hardly. I clearly said it wasn't personal. When he was playing like it was some vicious attack I didn't see him quote me saying 'nothing personal..' which I meant. You all seem to want to make me out to be something I'm not. Thanks for that, though. Yes, I'm so awefully hostile, and I'm going to eat your first born, and pee in your drinking water because you're you.


The comment 'Thanks for the comments, though.' has subtext, though I suppose it was lost on some of you. :?
 

Hopefully I can make this completely clear.

I did't mean to make is sound like you were jumping on my back, viciously attacking me, or being something that you are not. You did seem upset, and I just didn't know why. I didn't take what you said personally.

I didn't then and still honestly don't know what you meant by "dismissing him" (Zakalwe?), "pull the Geshrin thing", and "stretching the borders."

"Thanks for the comments, though," carried absolutely no subtext. I really was appreciative of his comments. I was happy that someone wanted to help me with the character, simple as that. I'm sorry if that's the reason you were upset.

I apologize to anyone (especially Rei and Zakalwe) who thought I was trying to do anything other than be %100 honest. I didn't mean to upset anyone by any means. (Maybe I should have used an emoticon at the end earlier?)

I've been reading the forums even since I've joined, have seen you people helping others with characters, and I do know that you're truly trying to do just that - help.
 
I'm here. Doesn't look like my areas--that is, the areas I critique--are up right now. I saw this one earlier, from what I remember it was ok, but I'll respond again when the thing is filled out.

Rei, you remind me of myself.
 
Where have you gone? We miss you.
 
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