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[SAOY] 12th Standard Fleet

Sigma

Sigma

Inactive Member
Submission Type:Military
Submission URL:12th Standard Fleet

Faction:Yamatai
FM Approved Yet: Conceptually, yes. Final design, no.

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes.
Taisho Kurita Shunsaku
HX-2 II edited information
Katsuko no Iori
Construction orders
Legion XII

Previously Submitted? No

Notes:It differs slightly from the original concept of 200 ships total and 3000 troops. I found it difficult to evenly spread out the warships into three similar heavy combat squadrons and two smaller ones centered on the carriers. So I had to raise the # of warships marginally so that the total ship count is 220 instead of 200. Still a pretty small fleet in comparison to others and pretty ginormous compared to 4th AASP.

Also, the # of combat troops was raised from 3000 to 5000 since I felt that, after casualties, there may not be enough troops to immediately move from one planetary subjugation to another with a temporary garrison detached to conquered planets to commence mop up operations.

Lastly, the edits to HX-2 II were something I did on my own accord. Wes didn't know about it so that, along with everything else, needs final approval. I placed an Iori and 4 Gurrido stations there, bypassing their construction time, to allow me to build the fleet right there. I don't know whether I exceeded the construction capabilities of the Iori since its a generation older than most of the ships I'm using.

Oh, for the NTSE reviewer who picks this up - I'd like you to post the checklist. None of my submissions have ever received one. And considering this is my biggest submission, I'd like one to know the details.
 
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Will get to this tonight. So far issues are Iori are not being built (we would have to take one from somewhere if you want one) and the defense systems are excessive IMO.
 
That works out great, Brian. Thanks!
 
Ask and receive

This review is for: The Twelfth Standard Fleet

The submitted article is/has…
[x] A very high level of overall quality
[x] A general topic sentence under the title header
[x] Artwork (illustrations are required for Starships, Vehicles, Hand weapons or Small Arms, Uniforms for military forces or large corporations and new alien species not from the race of the day CCG)
[x] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[x] In the proper format/template
[x] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[x] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[x] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[x] No red and/or broken links
[x] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[x] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[x] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[x] Obtusely redundant
[x] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[x] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[x] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[x] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[x] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[x] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[x] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[-] Lacking Detail
[x] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[x] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[x] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[x] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[x] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Note here if any serious issues are present. These are the issues that will hold up approval.
** Short description of the issue. If a longer explanation is needed, put it in Notes.

Status: Pending

Notes
This field is for any extra description needed for the issues stated above or (as the name suggests) and additional notes you wish to state in the record regarding the item.

- Ground units should be formed into Legions since the separation of ground and spaces forces. see example Legion VI Suggest creating Legion XII

- You have Guriddo 1x that means you have a single unit. You need to specify more details. see example 4SF Standard Gurrido Deployment Suggest either create a 12 SF Standard Gurrido deployment

HX-2 II lacking infrastructure

Suggest adding
- Frontier Fort as base of operation for your legion.
- Frontier Starport] which provides a place on the surface for starships to land both civilian and military.

Also suggest that you consider adding at least one civilian settlement on the surface. A town at least.

Lastly the Urufu-Class are not manufactured at Star Army facilities. Please submit an order request like this. [Ninth Fleet] Request to Tamahagane

I intend to finish this review by: Done
 
Most of the suggested changes have been made. I have removed the Gurrido for now. Legion XII has been added to the list of unapproved articles. I have not added a town yet since I do not yet have FM permission to bring civilians to this forward base.

I cannot make a thread requesting Urufus since the Fleet Commander has not been approved for IC usage.

EDIT: After speaking with Wes, he does not think there should be a civilian settlement on HX-2 at this early stage of its development as it is too insecure an outpost to properly ensure their safety.
 
That is Wes' right. I just know that historically, any place that a large group of military are kept for any significant amount of time. Some sort of town pops up to take advantage of that military pay. This was true in the time of the Romans when the Legions would be followed by a camp of civilians. So to my way of looking at it, a small population could be there. But that's your call.

Approved. As well as the subpages.
 
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