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Approved Submission [SAOY] Shinobi Active Cloaking Suit + Parts

SirSkully

🦊 FM of Neshaten
🦾 FM of Nepleslia
🎖️ Game Master
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:galactic_horizon:gh_g15_2e_shinobi
List Any Unapproved Sub-Articles
Helmet WIP URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:corp:galactic_horizon:gh_g15_1h_kabuto
Helmet URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:galactic_horizon:gh_g15_1h_kabuto

Visor WIP URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:corp:galactic_horizon:gh_15_3d_enkei
Visor URL: https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:galactic_horizon:gh_15_3d_enkei
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Yamatai (except Elysia)
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
Some stuff GH whipped up after they were allowed to look at the magic aether-shielding metal a while back, I'm not going to try and block the NTSE up too much with my stuff but I do have a few more things to submit that I might hold back for now.

Tagging @Wes for FM stuffs

TLDR; fancy Stealth Gorka, Helmet and Mountable binoculars
 
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Every time I look at GH I find something interesting. Alright so I'll take this, we still need @Wes to approve some of the things, but I'll start working on the article now. Will work starting from the suit, then move on to the accessories once the suit is in order.
 
Okay so the suit article which I'll be tackling first. The only real issue I see with it is that if you read the function section, it only looks like this suit can change colors, and provide basic life support. It does have other functions, but those functions aren't listed in the functions section. I would like it so that if someone needs to quickly check what the suit can do, they can just look through the functions section and easily understand the capabilities of the suit.
 
SAoY uniforms don't get approved without artwork. Do you have a plan to get/make/request artwork for this?
 
I have art for it, yeah, some resolution issues but I'll solve those and upload it when I can ^^
 
Okay the suit is looking good (will do a full grammar test at the end) as for the helmet, the second paragraph under design, the sentences are much too long. They make it hard to understand what is being said. Also under systems, you have some formatting mistakes in the first paragraph. (The link to AIES didn't work, and I'm not sure what happened at the end of it.)
 
Not sure what the issue with the end of the systems section is but I've (hopefully) fixed everything else.
 
You missed one space, that's what was messing it up. I meant to ask before, but honestly forgot when typing up the post, how did GH get their hands on ARTCs? Are they producing it now? (If so it's page needs to be updated.) Aside from that the helmet looks good now though.
 
I’m not skully, but I’ll drop in while I believe he is offline.

Back when we designed the big tanky thing whos name I forgot we looked into that material stuff. As far as i can remember they import it from either Nepleslia or Yamatai for use in their gear, I’d have to try finding old threads but I’m 90% sure we don’t manufacture anything other than Skusten.
 
We've been using ARTCS since we made the URSA last year, as far as I am aware we just import the stuff seeing as we use so little of it.
 
Okay for the helmet, you mention that it's 'fusion powered' but that's just mentioned in passing, with no explanation on what is actually powering the device.
 
So now the SAoY are wearing pajamas, huh?

As a very small note that really doesn't matter, nomenclature is generally capitalized for the first two sections. Not sure if it's a big deal but make sure to look around and make it consistent with other uses of the system breh.
 
Was the power source addressed on the helmet page? This is real close to getting approved
 
Just letting you know since @club24 said they import it from Nep or Yam, but ARTCs are an Iromakuanhe-produced material. Maybe @Soresu knows if they could be imported through Yamland or Nepland, though?
 
The SAoY or KZ isn't going to use anything from the Iroma in their supply chain.
 
Sorry, I've been busy the past few days - I'll sort this out tomorrow but a quick skim over the helmet article didn't reveal anything about a power supply at all, let alone a fusion one, but I can fix that tomorrow ^^;
 
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