Approved Character Second Character

Tehatima Mori, tell me what you think. Created for a specific plot, need that GM's input as well if anything needs to be changed/added/removed.

Which GM is it? What's the plot? Might as well PM that GM and ask them to review it a little for the plot-specific points.

Already have, I'm just waiting now for OsakanOne to have a chance to review and tell me if there is anything that needs to be changed. As well as if anyone else spots anything specific. I think I got everything, though now that I think about it I should add some normal clothing to his inventory.

Hello~!

I took a pass, here's what I have so far for you:

The physical description is fine, but could benefit from some more fleshing out.

Elongated canines? By how much, and for what reason?


History, etc:


His Father should be Nepleslian, which is the base 'Human' in the setting at least at this juncture in history.

Could you be more specific about where the murders he committed took place, and how he managed to escape any blame for something like that? On a planet like Yamatai it would be extraordinarily difficult depending on the circumstances and where it happened. PANTHEON is rather invasive.

Again, how does he slip away without leave (AWOL)? I would like to see that expanded to be more clear.

Skills: Some things you mention should be more clear, since I do not think it's common to understand medical methods of torture, at least site where and when he learned that?

Inventory:

If he has his Type 29 Communicator, I have to wonder what stops the Star Army from tracing him to that? Is he using it? Good job on the rest!

----
What is this character intended for, setting wise? There are only the above tweaks to be handled, but I am interested in knowing how he'll fit into the setting in the plot he's destined to. Would that be the Maras, or something else?

He's got the trappings of a serial killer, if I'm not mistaken? Lovely work so far.

This character is pending. Please make edits, and clarifications as noted above.

OK so starting from the top. I'll work on the physical discription after the other points. Those will take more thought and a little bit more important.

As for the elongated canines, I was thinking long enough that you would notice then standing a little ways away, but not long enough that they had to stick out of the mouth. As for the why, OoC it was a why not give him something distinctive when I was trying for a fairly... descriptive guy. I was kind of picturing one of those people that some might mistake for a girl at a distance. True a fairly featureless and bland girl, but nothing really distinctive except for that. For IC reasons, I don't know. Maybe there was a slight mistake when they were making the body and the teeth came out a little long, but it was really worth the effort to fix since it didn't negatively affect things. Or his body's make had a habit of tweaking one thing about the body as a sort of signature. It's just one of those things that IC just is and nobody really knows the reason why.

As for the crime, first I need to pick the world I guess. But you know what I realized when I look at the planet descriptions to decide on a home world, it seems like there are very few planets that a Nepleslian would be on as a civilian in, well, any of the civilizations. Honestly the best choices seem to be between Yamatai and Tatiana. Tami says it has a few civilian colonies, but small worlds tend to make missing people all the more missed. So I'll have to think carefully about to think carefully about the world to choose while I think of the best way to describe the crime in more detail. Though if someone has a better world in mind I would like to hear it.

For the going Awol, I was thinking that he took leave and snuck off his gear to give himself a little time before the people realized he was gone and then smuggled himself off whatever world he went on leave. Sound acceptable?

Medical Skill torture, easy enough. After first starting to work for the man he been talking to he received a "Mentor" as it were to make sure that he knew how things worked. And of course so his new boss got his appropriate cut of any work he did then. Will change that when I think of a way to describe it better.


Type 29 Communicator: How many of these things are there? If that's not enough pull the battery out for a while while in questionable areas. Plus if your thinking that each communicator sets out information about itself with each time it's used then that is probably stored on one little chip which would be cheaper and easier to swap out then buying a new one. Even if he discard the one he had in the Star Army no real price is given for these so I don't even know what I would subtract as a cost for them.

No changes have been made yet, but as soon as there are I will either post again or edit this one to mark what has been done. This has just been to collect my thoughts and for people to make suggestions on anything I've said so far.

In terms of the look, you mention he may be confused for a female. Next to male, it may be worth your time to enter (trap) in brackets -- which makes life easier for anyone who posts here who has any brains and digital social life at all who's reading your post (if you don't know what a trap is, I'm already weary of you).

The canines remind me of someone I'm aquainted with offline who I think of unfavorably so I'll do my hardest not to taint you with the same brush (he's a pedophile).


Regarding pay...

• 
  It is worth noting we don't function on our ship in a salary system since Rebeka has no belief in "fiat" currency (ie the use of objects which are worthless - Paper or coinage - or the state of digital money - as they are all easily traced by any of the big powers).
  
  She instead prefers to use objects to trade with. To this end, we're likely to be stocking narcotics or precious minerals which can be traded anywhere and using a leasing system with false-identities for when we need the convenience of fiat currency without the liability.
  
  As such, she'll either acredit the money to his account and insist he does not travel under his own name with them or she will pay him in physical goods to which he can stock and store how he wishes provided he makes no financial interaction with her person nor her assets.
  
  It goes without saying that when you're 300 years old, you've seen economies crumble so you plan ahead.

Other than that, I'd say we're good to go. We just need you to sign on the dotted line and we need to get you into gear and up to speed.

At the moment the Maras is docked outside one of Nyl III's major ports (we need to upload the JP as of yet and polish it before we do so) so it would be ideal if your character were in UOC/Lorath space.

If they are not, we need to OOCly arrange transport and the scenario in which Mori joins the crew (likely Rebeka wanting some additional hands onboard).

OK, first three points fixed.

A little bit more details about the murders Tehatima committed, how he left and went Awol, and where he picked up his training under the medical skill for torture. I think those were the three biggest points I needed to cover.

Changed his father's species from human to Nepleslian.

Added a little more detail to the physical description, but I'll be honest that is always the worse part of a character for me and the one that gives me the most trouble.

And I think I explained how the communicator wasn't that much a problem in my last post, so is there anything else?

Bump

Questions? Suggestions? Fixes? Approval?

I'm reviewing your changes, don't worry! It's one of my higher priorities right now.

Okay, it's good to see some improvement to the wiki, and history. That being said, if I approve this there has to be consequences for him ICly that he won't escape.

He won't be able to go near a Yamatai system without being noticed, and flagged to be arrested. It will stay with him, and something bad is eventually going to catch up to him.

Sooner or later, someone will find out he killed those people. It's a town of 400,000 on Yamatai, northern area or not. Then he'll be charged with more, and it can get even more messy.

Are you comfortable with making sure those things become an obstacle for this character?

I agree that he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions. I figured as much when I put them in. After all, where is the fun in a character that has their life running perfectly.

Tea and cake?

We're trusting you to police him on the past catching up with him, and Yamatai dogging him~! Good luck!

This character is approved for IC usage.