Lions_Purge
Inactive Member
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Approved Character Sgzyr
- Thread starter Lions_Purge
- Start date
Gabriel
🎖️ Game Master
I'm not a character mod, but to sum up my thoughts, you need more. More Pre-RP, More Skills (you should have 7), more about his family.
On top of that, there are several key elements of character creation that you missed. First of all, the top line should read, "Sgzyr is a player character played by Lions_Purge." The goal is for people to know who is playing the character (also, once you correct that, you should make a user page). Second, you NEED an organization, preferred plots, a job, etc. You will get nowhere in this setting without a plot to tie down to, especially as a new character.
Overall, this character needs some serious work. I understand that it may be a "work in progress" but if that is true then you should have waited until this character was 100% finished before you submit the character or post using the character.
On that note, I would highly recommend that you delete your post in the Public Forums before the Admins swing by and do it for you. This character is not approved and therefor doesn't exist in the SARP Universe. Subsequently, a character that doesn't exist yet can't be stranded on a planet. Also, there is no explanation in the character's page explaining how they got their ship or how they got stranded. EVERY useful piece of info about your character should be found in your character's page. If you intend certain things to be a mystery (how they got stranded, most of their backstory, etc) then thats 100% okay, but that's something to be done through RP. Your character page should contain no mysteries so that way it can be properly reviewed and that GMs can properly plan for your character.
Just my two cents.
On top of that, there are several key elements of character creation that you missed. First of all, the top line should read, "Sgzyr is a player character played by Lions_Purge." The goal is for people to know who is playing the character (also, once you correct that, you should make a user page). Second, you NEED an organization, preferred plots, a job, etc. You will get nowhere in this setting without a plot to tie down to, especially as a new character.
Overall, this character needs some serious work. I understand that it may be a "work in progress" but if that is true then you should have waited until this character was 100% finished before you submit the character or post using the character.
On that note, I would highly recommend that you delete your post in the Public Forums before the Admins swing by and do it for you. This character is not approved and therefor doesn't exist in the SARP Universe. Subsequently, a character that doesn't exist yet can't be stranded on a planet. Also, there is no explanation in the character's page explaining how they got their ship or how they got stranded. EVERY useful piece of info about your character should be found in your character's page. If you intend certain things to be a mystery (how they got stranded, most of their backstory, etc) then thats 100% okay, but that's something to be done through RP. Your character page should contain no mysteries so that way it can be properly reviewed and that GMs can properly plan for your character.
Just my two cents.
Whoa, I know that name! Sgzyr, it really has been a while!
Gabriel is right on most of what he's talking about. SARP is not as it was when you left it. We're not messing with the Qel'Noran anymore; starships are now part of the Star Army of Yamatai, not the Grand Star Army; and, well, there's basically a lot of history you need to catch up on.
Start by wikibrowsing through the Timeline.
I'll PM you your RP post so you have it.
I'm putting your character on ice so you have time to catch up.
Gabriel is right on most of what he's talking about. SARP is not as it was when you left it. We're not messing with the Qel'Noran anymore; starships are now part of the Star Army of Yamatai, not the Grand Star Army; and, well, there's basically a lot of history you need to catch up on.
Start by wikibrowsing through the Timeline.
I'll PM you your RP post so you have it.
I'm putting your character on ice so you have time to catch up.
It should be noted that Sgzyr, the character, was approved sometime around January 2004:
http://grandstararmy.yuku.com/topic/1318/Sgzyr-New
Obviously some major updates are needed ASAP, but technically he's a already approved character; therefore he can appear in the RP immediately.
@Lions_Purge: The question is this: Where do you want Sgzyr to end up? Because this may affect who should post about rescuing him.
http://grandstararmy.yuku.com/topic/1318/Sgzyr-New
Obviously some major updates are needed ASAP, but technically he's a already approved character; therefore he can appear in the RP immediately.
@Lions_Purge: The question is this: Where do you want Sgzyr to end up? Because this may affect who should post about rescuing him.
Wes: I wanted the character to be put on ice to give Sgzyr's player time to catch up to what has gone down within the setting. He might go in vastly different directions with his character than the initial post he put up. He should be afforded that time and opportunity.
Lions_Purge
Inactive Member
The page has been updated. Any more suggestions about editing is what I need now.
Kai
Retired Staff
The last half of our pre-RP history doesn't make much sense, partly due to typos. He will male do with any job?
I was barely able to piece together that something bad happened to his ship, but that was mostly because I already understood that. Exactly what happened to his ship to cause the damage, and what systems are destroyed, and to what extent?
I know you have a lot of history, and Sgzyr's background seems interesting, but it's very basic and not much of a read now. Lately we've been trying to treat Histories as a sort of showcase of your writing ability, so if you could put more detail and more effort into it, it would be nice.
Aside from that, the Bio looks pretty good.
I was barely able to piece together that something bad happened to his ship, but that was mostly because I already understood that. Exactly what happened to his ship to cause the damage, and what systems are destroyed, and to what extent?
I know you have a lot of history, and Sgzyr's background seems interesting, but it's very basic and not much of a read now. Lately we've been trying to treat Histories as a sort of showcase of your writing ability, so if you could put more detail and more effort into it, it would be nice.
Aside from that, the Bio looks pretty good.
I fixed the formatting up a little and added some links. I think it's a workable bio. I see you're hoping to play him in the Cirrus plot, so see if you can catch Moonman for any plot-specific GM specific advice he might have. It's good to have you back!
Aendri
Inactive Member
I'm still against this character being approved until the player has had a chance to learn the setting. Regardless of the fact he's a former player, I feel the setting has changed enough since the time he played that he should start off like any new player before being allowed a character this out of the norm.
If he wants to relearn the setting, a Nepleslian or Yamataian would be just as good for that, and the only real difference would be the uniqueness of character would have to come from writing instead of race.
If he wants to relearn the setting, a Nepleslian or Yamataian would be just as good for that, and the only real difference would be the uniqueness of character would have to come from writing instead of race.
