Dumont
Inactive Member
Link here: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:shiho
Tagging @paladinrpg for perusal.
Tagging @paladinrpg for perusal.
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Approved Character Shiho Ishii (Orochi Squadron)
- Thread starter Dumont
- Start date
Aendri
Inactive Member
Just a couple quick ones for you.
Link everything you can at least once in the article. The race, the organization, occupation, all of that. Makes crossreading easier.
For both height and weight, if you could run those through a convertor for us, it would be appreciated. Including the metric and imperial is just a matter of courtesy, since we have lots of members who use both, and most of them can't do the calculations in their head like I'm used to doing.
On the height, I know that doesn't seem tall to you, but keep in mind that your measurement is just about the max that most Neko would hit. She's TALL for a neko. You're all of 2 cm short of the listed max for a NH-33, so most fellow neko are going to be at least 3-4 inches shorter. I get the feeling that's intentional on your part, I just want to confirm.
You also probably want to consider adding another 5-10lbs to her weight if you want her to be "burly" in build. As it is, she's not going to be slim or anything, but she'd definitely be more on the lean, runner/swimmer scale of muscle than bodybuilding/strength.
I noticed you didn't include measurements, if you're not familiar enough with them to do that yourself, for someone with her height, the weight I recommended, and a soldier's activity level, 35-38-38 would be fairly reasonable. Feel free to add/subtract 1-2 from any of those to mix it up a bit.
Just a note, but so far as I'm aware, the newer 33 models don't come with the SPINE built in like the 29s did. I'll let @Wes confirm that, though.
Outside of that, very well done with the description. That's one of the areas I usually have to hand-hold people through, but you did a good job.
In the personality section, keep in mind that arguing with officers regularly is either a good way to get promoted fast, or never promoted again. It's a bit of a tossup on which, but usually the latter.
The personalization you've done for her with the 3 extra skills is great, so I'd ask you to consider doing the same thing with the 4 required. Those are the things you're REQUIRED to know, but they don't have to be written word for word like that. One of my characters, for example, despite being an engineer, and fully trained as such, absolutely detests math, and is horrible at it, even though she's fully capable of it.
Outside of there, pending Pally's approval, this is a really good first character. Well done.
Link everything you can at least once in the article. The race, the organization, occupation, all of that. Makes crossreading easier.
For both height and weight, if you could run those through a convertor for us, it would be appreciated. Including the metric and imperial is just a matter of courtesy, since we have lots of members who use both, and most of them can't do the calculations in their head like I'm used to doing.
On the height, I know that doesn't seem tall to you, but keep in mind that your measurement is just about the max that most Neko would hit. She's TALL for a neko. You're all of 2 cm short of the listed max for a NH-33, so most fellow neko are going to be at least 3-4 inches shorter. I get the feeling that's intentional on your part, I just want to confirm.
You also probably want to consider adding another 5-10lbs to her weight if you want her to be "burly" in build. As it is, she's not going to be slim or anything, but she'd definitely be more on the lean, runner/swimmer scale of muscle than bodybuilding/strength.
I noticed you didn't include measurements, if you're not familiar enough with them to do that yourself, for someone with her height, the weight I recommended, and a soldier's activity level, 35-38-38 would be fairly reasonable. Feel free to add/subtract 1-2 from any of those to mix it up a bit.
Just a note, but so far as I'm aware, the newer 33 models don't come with the SPINE built in like the 29s did. I'll let @Wes confirm that, though.
Outside of that, very well done with the description. That's one of the areas I usually have to hand-hold people through, but you did a good job.
In the personality section, keep in mind that arguing with officers regularly is either a good way to get promoted fast, or never promoted again. It's a bit of a tossup on which, but usually the latter.
The personalization you've done for her with the 3 extra skills is great, so I'd ask you to consider doing the same thing with the 4 required. Those are the things you're REQUIRED to know, but they don't have to be written word for word like that. One of my characters, for example, despite being an engineer, and fully trained as such, absolutely detests math, and is horrible at it, even though she's fully capable of it.
Outside of there, pending Pally's approval, this is a really good first character. Well done.
It was designed for the NH-29, but it's on the 33 series, too. https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?...omatic-projection_interlinked_neural_ensemble
Dumont
Inactive Member
The height and weight thing is deliberately proportionally huge. As for the metric thing... Well, the wikicode generator states confusingly "We'd prefer you give both metric measurements or both metric and Imperial measurements." it's confusing but it mentioned metric twice, so I took a wild stab in the dark at metric being the default preference here.
She also isn't meant to be a bodybuilder. I had originally worked out the measurements on something along the lines of a few kilos over the ideal weight for height proportions for musculature since I was under the impression that these catgirls were meant to be smaller on average. Appearance states 'would be huge' rather than 'is huge'. But I'll stack on 5 kg worth of beefy for the hell of it, since I changed her stats a couple of times and may have lost something in translation.
I didn't include measurements because they're optional and kind of pointless since people rarely read those numbers and realise what it would translate to unless they're a tailor, really into fitness or maybe a doctor. 'Curvy' or 'curveless' translates in the mind better than a series of numbers when read. If I left the field open I'm just deleting the field.
And yeah, her personality dislikes officers. But it's less fun to always be in line, and her financial goal right now is to not spend money for one and a half years, then pay off the fee for leaving early (which would be roughly one and a half year's worth of pay) and go straight into the Yamatai welfare cue. Of course I'm expecting something or other to happen in play to make her get over ambivalence to military.
She also isn't meant to be a bodybuilder. I had originally worked out the measurements on something along the lines of a few kilos over the ideal weight for height proportions for musculature since I was under the impression that these catgirls were meant to be smaller on average. Appearance states 'would be huge' rather than 'is huge'. But I'll stack on 5 kg worth of beefy for the hell of it, since I changed her stats a couple of times and may have lost something in translation.
I didn't include measurements because they're optional and kind of pointless since people rarely read those numbers and realise what it would translate to unless they're a tailor, really into fitness or maybe a doctor. 'Curvy' or 'curveless' translates in the mind better than a series of numbers when read. If I left the field open I'm just deleting the field.
And yeah, her personality dislikes officers. But it's less fun to always be in line, and her financial goal right now is to not spend money for one and a half years, then pay off the fee for leaving early (which would be roughly one and a half year's worth of pay) and go straight into the Yamatai welfare cue. Of course I'm expecting something or other to happen in play to make her get over ambivalence to military.
paladinrpg
Inactive Member
