Approved Submission Shinken Initiative

[Syaoran]

Submission Type: Organization
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:shinken

Faction: Yamatai
FM Approved Yet? No, @Wes
Faction requires art? (Yes/No) Not for this

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes: The unapproved articles are the Gendaijutsu article, which is going through approval, but is paused till this gets done, and the 2 NPCs, which I will finish, just been busy and didn't want to hold this back anymore waiting for myself to finish them.

This article might be lacking, I'm not sure, never really done an organization like this so I'm not sure what I need to have in the article.

 

[Doshii Jun]

Still needs FM approval. @Wes.

 

[Wes]

FM approved.

 

[Ametheliana]

What city on Yamatai? (Optional)

End sentence of History should have a period.

Should be its rescources not "it's resources".

"...it's main focus..." Should be, "...its main focus." Give an apostrophe when it's a contraction, not when ownership is denoted.

"...spends it's time..." "regard for it's maintaing" See above it's vs its.

"...Yamatai star Empirein..." Add a space between Empire and in.

"...is aware though, that the..." Add a comma in between aware and though as it is an aside.

"...the Star Army of Yamatai they have also..." Can you put a comma between Yamatai and they?

 

[Syaoran]

Edits made, but I didn't put a city because I couldn't find one that really fit the needs well. And most of the things on their article are listed directly, as opposed to a bunch of cities being listed with a list of what each city has.

 

[Ametheliana]

Approved