What's new
Star Army

Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 July 2024 is YE 46.5 in the RP.

Sho'run Starfighter

Kyle

Kyle

Insane Story Writer Foxy
Inactive Member
Upvote 0 Downvote
Change
The Sho'run lacks an FTL drive, so it can only operate from planets and stations, and future carriers.
Click to expand...

To The Sho'run lacks an FTL drive, so it can only operate from planets, stations, and carriers. Though I think the line isn't really needed.

Run a spellcheck of your Basic Sensor Package.

Other than that I see no other problems. It'll auto-approve by tomorrow so long as no one has any objections.
 
This is just being picky, so don't take it as something to correct.

What's the reasoning behind their choosing a starfighter as the first line of defense, after re-establishing their ties with spacefaring? Why not modified freighters, patrol boats or something more robust?

Perhaps more to the point, why is it the oldest craft in development? I would think freighters or transports would have come before fighters — how else do troops get from Nesha Prime to Levia?
 
It's the oldest fighter developed is what I meant to put, I'll change that.

I do have transports and freighters, just don't have artwork for them yet which is why I haven't gotten them up for approval. And while they do have patrol boats, the same deal applies with the freighters, I don'th ave artwork right now for them.
 
Four only, it has no room for anything else. No missiles, nothing, at least this interation of the fighter can't fit anything more.

Ideally, it has two laser cannons and two ion (disabler) cannons.
 
As a point, I'd like to ask that you add visual descriptions of what your beams do so that other GMs know what to do if your tech features into their campaigns. Knowing is half the battle, as you know, and the other half is 25% red lasers and 25% blue lasers.
 
I think he meant a lack of detail on the visual descriptors of the weapons appearances and such since your Ion Cannon is exactly six sentences spread out not even in a paragraph. I just find it lacking with no 'meat' to it.

And your laser doesn't even list a specific type of laser. Since calling it just a 'laser' can be a bit ubiquitous. Is it Infrared? Ultraviolet? Xray? Chemical? Solid-State? Photonic Crystal etc etc.
 
Sensor package: The opening sentence is a sentence fragment. The section under the Specifications header is empty. "km" is the proper abbreviation for kilometers. "Used to help locate and identity objects in close proximity to the craft, these can either be active or passive sensors," is a sentence fragment. "Similar to the pulsing sensor system found in the Neshaten Scanner Array Suite, with the exception being that the actual range is much different," is a sentence fragment and needs a link to the Neshaten Scanner Array Suite. The actual type of sensors (eg what they sense) is not clear.

Starfighter: Remove the word "it's" from this article and replace it with "it is" or "its" as needed. See: It's vs Its. Spellcheck the article.

Fix this comma splice: "Designed for dogfighting, the Sho'run derives its name from it's appeareance, it is equiped with four close-range cannons and two heavy engines for it to help in its role as an interceptor."

If this sentence is finished, add a period: However, though it is fast and agile, it's designers decided not to includ heavy armor or lots of shielding in order for it to accomplish its role. Because of that, some pilots often refer to it as a 'flying coffin'

Here's another sentence fragment: "Is equiped with a SC-Basic Sensor Package. "

Technology-wise, the submission seems fine but it needs a higher quality level in regards to grammar and spelling. Proofreading is a basic expectation of all SARP articles.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top