I have reviewed this submission using the Guide for Submission Reviewers.
The submitted article is/has…
[/] A very high level of overall quality
[x] A general topic sentence under the title header
[-] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)
[x] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[/] In the proper format/template
[/] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[x] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[/] Wikified (terms that
could be a link
should be a link)
[x] No red and/or broken links
[-] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[x] Reasonably neutral point of view
The submitted article is/does not…
[-] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[x] Obtusely redundant
[x] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[-] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[-] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[x] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[x] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[x] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[x] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[/] Lacking Detail
[-] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)
The article has…
[-] Speeds in compliance with the
Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[-] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the
DR Guidelines
[/] The
in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[/] The
Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.
Far, far too little detail. When was it made? What's a type A intelligence? What can the system really do? In what craft is it found? How do the civilian and military versions truly differ? What's the system for at all? Leaning on a wikipedia article appears lazy when one considers how little else there is to this submission.
Take this submission back to the drawing board and look at the other AI systems out there. It might benefit the Vekimen to buy one of those systems instead of developing their own; it certainly is more believable.
Rejected.
