• If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at stararmy@gmail.com or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy

Approved Character Spacecase Jack 69-4406-2207 For NSS Venus

Hokay, like i said I am okay with FP on the Venus. There are still few things here.

First there some typos and slashes in the article that needs to be sorted out. Also I hope you understand even if she likes to wear those sock and miniskirt, she will mostly have to be in her uniform.

As for her crashing often, let's say that is the reason she is headed for a Venus. Rather then sending acomplished to Venus that sent her. Another thing I wonder is if she would not start with rank of ensign as a pilot, but that is something I will leave to Sigma for decide.

Last thing are her skills. Even as a member of Navy she needs to have four basic skills. That is Fighting, Communication, Survival and Strategy, please put those in the article. Also you need to put in her inventory. Copy it from one of the other NSS Venus peple, I suggest Judith, since she has no personal effects. Of course you can pick one of the basic Nepleslian military sidearms.
 
Format-wise, links to the FSpacer pages would be good. As with the other one, I need to wait for Missing to sign off on this.
 
I'll review the content when the formatting, spelling, and punctuation have been cleaned up a bit, unless you don't mind me proofreading it : )
 
MissingNo said:
I'll review the content when the formatting, spelling, and punctuation have been cleaned up a bit, unless you don't mind me proofreading it : )
Click to expand...

On that note I think I got everything shipshape now, added a few links for the Freespacers stuff and fixed some more grammatical errors. So yes, feel free to make any corrections if i missed anything this round of editing.
 
Approved
 
Not approved yet.

How does sparse lichen cover mean she has high plankton count? Where did she get her training for the military, and how long has she trained? The weapons skill makes it sound like she's an expert, is that possible?

Other skills, like Communications, Fighting, and Strategy, I'll accept that she been given the knowledge to do these but not the inclination.

Jack Six Nine can understand and give out tactical commands and work with her troops to follow those commands efficiently.
Click to expand...
Dislikes: Being pranked, rules and regulations, precise plans that don't allow any freedom in how they are done, boredom
Click to expand...

Also, fixed formatting issues, removed an incident of the name "Judith", and spelling/punctuation errors.

POST EDIT: Took out the "Does she" sentence fragment. Makes a note to self to not post while distracted.
 
Ok fixed the lichen issue,the training issue and also edditing the fighting portion to reflect the inclination thing you said.


This part however confuses me, what needs to be fixed out of these?
 
It seems to me to be a contradiction. She knows how to give orders but she hates the system of rules & regulations that form the foundation for military hierarchy?
 
Sigma said:
It seems to me to be a contradiction. She knows how to give orders but she hates the system of rules & regulations that form the foundation for military hierarchy?
Click to expand...

The double-quote was just an example to support the suggestion I gave "that she been given the knowledge to do these but not the inclination". It was evidence, not a separate problem. I think she knows what she needs to do, and will do it (...ri-i-i-i-ight? Otherwise, her military career will be very short.), she just would prefer not to. Hopefully she knew what she was signing up for.

Speaking of "not a problem", everything listed wasn't necessarily an issue in the sense of "this needs removed". I was merely asking questions. If something has a reason behind it that makes sense, then I would be happy to allow it. However, nothing in the biography provided the reasons I was looking for, so that's why I was asking. However, the additions you made since my previous post have provided the answers I was looking for.

I fixed a few more proofreading-type things in the Pre-RP history section that I missed the first time around, and reviewed the changes you made...I think you're all set!

Wes said:
Approved
Click to expand...

Approval restored : ) Have fun!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Menu
Log in
Register
Cookies are required to use this site. You must accept them to continue using the site. Learn more…