Star Army
Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.
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Approved Character Taela Kaila
- Thread starter Moogle
- Start date
Hey there. I'm Doshii Jun, one of the character reviewers on the site. I'll be checking out Taela here.
1. Let's start with the race. NH-29 are military-only. We need more background on who hired her just out of the academy before we can OK her as NH-29.
2. On her build — most Neko are slender, and somewhat more girl-like. So you're OK there.
3. On her hair — how long is it, exactly? Straight, wavy, curly (very rare)? How black is it (shiny, jet, coal)?
4. On personality — why does she waver between dependence and independence? And why does she cry so easily?
5. In the history — this could be fixed when you address the ID of the dude who hired her, but Mindy power armors are military only.
5a. Also in the history — she's three years old, which suggests she's been around a while. You should to visit the to figure out a few dates for things, such as when she was born, how long she served under this guy, when she had to start living on the streets.
6. On the skills — you should really stick with the boilerplate text. You can weaken them the way you've weakened some of them now, but the boilerplate ensures no attempted godmoding from new players who could see your profile.
Overall: Good character! Right profile length, a little thin on the depth, but the timeline will help you there. The biggest hangup is her being hired out of the academy.
This character is pending. Address the list of edits above.
1. Let's start with the race. NH-29 are military-only. We need more background on who hired her just out of the academy before we can OK her as NH-29.
2. On her build — most Neko are slender, and somewhat more girl-like. So you're OK there.
3. On her hair — how long is it, exactly? Straight, wavy, curly (very rare)? How black is it (shiny, jet, coal)?
4. On personality — why does she waver between dependence and independence? And why does she cry so easily?
5. In the history — this could be fixed when you address the ID of the dude who hired her, but Mindy power armors are military only.
5a. Also in the history — she's three years old, which suggests she's been around a while. You should to visit the to figure out a few dates for things, such as when she was born, how long she served under this guy, when she had to start living on the streets.
6. On the skills — you should really stick with the boilerplate text. You can weaken them the way you've weakened some of them now, but the boilerplate ensures no attempted godmoding from new players who could see your profile.
Overall: Good character! Right profile length, a little thin on the depth, but the timeline will help you there. The biggest hangup is her being hired out of the academy.
This character is pending. Address the list of edits above.
Scot
Inactive Member
I'm not sure but 'boiler text' meaning the pre made skills stuff which I'm not sure Origin has.
If it doesn't, I suggest using a few of Yamatai's though maybe changing them up a little. https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wr ... r_s_skills
Also try to elaborate on the skills more, like what she has better skill at repairing and or seducing. I guess it would be open to godmodding since it isn't very descriptive, allowing you to pick and choose what she is good with.
And finally if you have problems, I suggest looking up an Origin character, getting in touch with an Origin player could help in that regard, especially considering they might be housing a fugitive Neko.
Anyway, just wanted to help.
If it doesn't, I suggest using a few of Yamatai's though maybe changing them up a little. https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wr ... r_s_skills
Also try to elaborate on the skills more, like what she has better skill at repairing and or seducing. I guess it would be open to godmodding since it isn't very descriptive, allowing you to pick and choose what she is good with.
And finally if you have problems, I suggest looking up an Origin character, getting in touch with an Origin player could help in that regard, especially considering they might be housing a fugitive Neko.
Anyway, just wanted to help.
Unfortunately, still two more things. One out of your control, one in.
The one in your control is the skills. I reiterate using the boilerplate text. That means directly copying the text used to describe a skill in the Character Creation Generator and put it directly into the skill listings.
What's out of control is whether you can have an NH-29 out of the military or not. There's a bit of confusion on our part what was decided a few months ago when the topic came up for debate. I thought the link I gave you was the final word, but I was incorrect. The admin and his mods (me included) are figuring that out as fast as they can, so please bear with us.
Thanks for your patience.
The one in your control is the skills. I reiterate using the boilerplate text. That means directly copying the text used to describe a skill in the Character Creation Generator and put it directly into the skill listings.
What's out of control is whether you can have an NH-29 out of the military or not. There's a bit of confusion on our part what was decided a few months ago when the topic came up for debate. I thought the link I gave you was the final word, but I was incorrect. The admin and his mods (me included) are figuring that out as fast as they can, so please bear with us.
Thanks for your patience.
Slight additions: Replace Japanese with Yamataian (no ties to Earth in this setting) and no Mindy armors outside of the military. Sorry about those; Nashoba, a fellow reviewer, caught them for me.
