Perhaps fix the broken link to your user page, you can change the placeholder art to a male one if ya want. Optionally, you can format the relations as a bulletpoint list. Again, optionally you can change the "organisation" to Nepleslian Star Navy. You can link placement to the Inquisition page too. You can link dates to the wiki pages for those years, or add a few more links to mentions you've made.
From a GM's perspective this is approved for use in Inquisition, feel free to tidy up the above at your leisure, the broken link should be the only reason keeping this from being moved to the approved forums from what I can see ^^