Star Army
Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.
Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.
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Tel'Juaram
- Thread starter Ira
- Start date
SSharp
Inactive Member
I counted a bunch of grammar mistakes in the 'Information' paragraph alone. You need to go back and fix them.
Also, you weren't clear about how this group is funded. Is it by several private individuals or "front businesses"? Both? You need to make that clear, because you list both separately in the same paragraph but make no link between them.
At one point you also call it Tel'Norma.
Also, you weren't clear about how this group is funded. Is it by several private individuals or "front businesses"? Both? You need to make that clear, because you list both separately in the same paragraph but make no link between them.
At one point you also call it Tel'Norma.
