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Rejected Character Tristan weiss

Martyrdom

Inactive Member
Name: Tristan Wiess


General Information

Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 19

Family / Creators: None currently

Employer: Star army of nepleslia
Occupation: Mecha pilot Kylie class
Rank: soldier 1st class
Current Assignment: Nss aliance


Physical Characteristics

Height: 5'9"
Weight: 176lbs
Measurements: n/a
Bra Size: none

Build and Skin Colour: Thin an wirey build, Very little fat. Very pale skin.
Facial Features and Eye Colour: Clean shaven never smiles sharp features young appearance. Peircing light grey eyes.
Hair Colour and Style: Jet black hair short in the back with long bangs to his chin meant to cover his eyes.

Distinguishing Features: youthfull boyish appearance with well built wiry muscles


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
He lives to be in combat and is consistantly trying to improve his skills, he's rarely out of uniform and when he is hes very casual and plain dressing. His fathers constant pushing at an early ages has driven him to want to be better than his father was.He stays well groomed but not for the purpose of attracction.

Likes: assertive females, a good dual, outnumbered odds.Blues music.
Dislikes: Crowds, peopel with a lesser survival instinct.
Goals: To be the best soldier he ever can, And work towards the purposes of the napleslian race


History

Tristans mother died when he was to young to remember since then he has been raised by his father a soldier for hire, who tranied Tristan to be his absolute best, through large amounts of negative reinforcement.His father died during the battle of nepleslia. Since then Tristan signed up for the newly forming nepleslian star empire and Graduated first in his training class.


Skills

Fighting: Tristan trained in hand to hand combat to better his ability to drive Power armours, He then has spent most of his training extensively working to better his ability to fight withing the complex kylie suit(standard variant).

Demolitions: knowledge of weapon systems and explosive devices building from scratch and jury rigging are his best. Learned from a combination of his father and The new empire.

medical: Standard first aid from his star army training, and some knowledge of enhancing medicines.

Physical: Highly acrobatic and athlectic through his entire childhood he has pushed to be fast and agile.

Maintenence: The minor alterations his body had had to go through to Pilot the kylie prompted him to take time to learn and maintain theses minor cybernetic implants.

Entertainment: One of the few things that have kept him sane through the years is playing his harmonica in some bluesy songs he has both written and learned.

Knowledge : He has done some studying in military history throughout the years.


OOC Notes

I'd ultimately like to put him in the upgraded kylie variant, but it would probly be more fun to play him up to that.
 
This suggestion has been closed. Votes are no longer accepted.
It's a good start, but a few things are off.

Firstly, there is the matter of the spelling mistakes and incorrect grammar here and there. I invite you to reread over your entry: some of them are kind of obvious - I'm sure you can improve on it if you pay careful attention.

One thing you might not want to use are things such as "came first in class". That's promoting your character to be overly special. You don't really need that: humble beginnings make for more interesting character growth later.

Also, Nepleslia doesn't really have Kylie power armors. Those are in the Star Army of Yamatai. If you end up on the NSS Alliance, you should have NDI armor designs at your disposal instead, such as the Phalanx and the Golem II.
 
This bio needs a lot of work before it can be put into serious consideration for the NSS Alliance (a ship that is already crowded).

Your spelling and grammar must be much more refined. I do not want to have the job of editing posts after they are put up for the sake of correcting errors. This is a writing community as much as a roleplaying one, so I expect at least proper capitalization and sentence structure. You will soon realize that posting on the forums will require a bit of dedication beyond what would be seen in a chat room, for example.

The history and skills need to be fleshed out better as well.

Kotori's points are valid as well.

Oh, and he has to have some kind of family.
 
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