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[UMC] Directional Explosive Sentry Unit

Reads like toilet paper. I don't think a mine needs such a huge wall.

I am alienated reading this - So much for a device that exists only to explode and nothing more.

Stop trying to re-invent the wheel: You should have several simple titles:

  • Structural info: Built from?
  • Sizes: Sizes and their purposes? (anti-starship, armor, etc)

  • Payload: The DESU can be fitted with...
    • Basic Charge (Range, DR, effects)
    • Antimatter (Range, DR, effects)
    • Shrapnel (Range, DR, effects)
    • Plasmic (Range, DR, effects)
    • Gravitational charge (Range, DR, effects)
  • Communication: DESU can be activated or commanded remotely by any unit using blah dee blah dee blah.
  • Triggers: Mention the SENSORS HERE, rather than giving them their own wall of text. "The DESU can be set to detonate based on a number of criteria or under special conditions when a number of triggers are met. Triggers are:"
    • Physical contact: hurr
    • Proximity (sensor info, range, etc): durr
    • Delay/Timer: durr
    • Remote detonation: Remote mines, anyone?
    • Laser trip-wire: As it says.
    • Ambient pressure: Senses pressure above if buried.
    • Cluster detonation: If one nearby goes off, it tells others within X meter range to do the same before detonating.
    • Military IFF: Won't detonate if a friendly is in range of the detonation.


It's that simple. Don't make it out to be some super secret state of the art smart-bomb: It's a glorified mine. Write it like it is and don't alienate people who'll be reading this when a GM tells them "click" when they stand over a patch of dirt.

They are already panicking. They won't be able to digest the article and will be confused, which leads to unhappy roleplayers.
 
Actually, each system must be elaborately explained to ensure that it is fully understood. Trust me, I've been writing tech for long enough to know when absence of information will get me scolded.

Also, there is no click, its boom.
 
You should understand from the article that there is only one actual physical trigger possibility which would involve 'click' maybe, and that's the tripwire setting. EM band sensors don't do click.

However, to make this all easier, I'll add a user info section.
 
What you want to do is have the default page be nice and simple and easy to read and have a page under the thing's namespace saying "advanced" with that massive wall of info 99% of people never need to see.

What you've done is very...
It's very Microsoft. You're trying to ammend a problem by bulking an article up for a concept so ridiculously simple... i mean, this article is longer than many Starship articles are.


I hate to say it but the basic page should be clean, crisp, easy to use, like the Mindy 1H's.
Then there should be a link to the more complex stuff for people who need to approve it and people genuinely interested.

What you have is a wall of text and 99% of it is redundant.
We all know how antimatter is stored on small scales. You do not need to remind us. ASS could just be bullet-points listing what's involved because it's not a pattern recognizer or anything complicated like that. Instead, I've got to wade through a five line chunk of lawyer speak set on burning white text on dark background (this is truly horrible for those of us with dyslexia or bad eyes - in my case, both) to find the NOUNS I'm looking for.


WHY DOES SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A SPACE-MINE NEED SUCH A COMPLEX ARTICLE AND A COMPLEX NAME?

YES, I GET THE ACRONYM BUT THIS IS COMPLEXITY FOR COMPLEXITY'S SAKE AND THAT ENSURES THAT NOBODY ASIDE FROM YOU AND MAYBE FIAN OR SORESU WILL EVER USE THIS.

A TRUE MARK OF A GOOD SUBMISSION IS SOMETHING **OTHER PEOPLE** WANT TO USE.

Had to get that off my chest.
 
DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU

That aside, deal with the length... and you apparently have not read my starship articles.
 
Who said anything about your starship articles?

When something's unnecessarily long-winded, interest wains.

I learned this the hard way with the winter: nobody wants one because nobody can conquer that huge wall of text.

The tech is listed in complex terms to outline that the functionality is possible. People using it are only interested in how they can use it, not how it works. Hence, you make two pages:

One that's nice and simple with lots of links to a second page which has the long winded tech on it.

Hell, you shouldn't need to mention most of the tech here: everything you're using is already pre-approved. This would work as a series of bullet points and some gentle Q&A.

DON'T REINVENT THE WHEEL.

Edit:
BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU BOKU

(anyone who gets this joke, you get a cookie.)
 
The SAD can also be fitted with an optional subspace-quantum system which would allow for the DESU to project false quantum data which would produce uncertainties in quantum detection systems.
Click to expand...
NO.

Submission rejected.
 
It's a double bladed sword, Osa.

What you say is, of course, correct. Especially the part that it probably won't be used, though that is true about the vast majority of stuff that comes through here. Though lots of stuff get away with being smaller out of sheer virtue of it never being used outside of possibly a GM saying "Oh, and some background <blargle> is over there. It goes pew pew. Pew."

That said, though, bigger usually is better. Detail wise, at least.

That said; Taco. Put it a section up above as a brief summary. For fucks sake it's a mine.
 
The SAD can also be fitted with an optional subspace-quantum system which would allow for the DESU to project false quantum data which would produce uncertainties in quantum detection systems.
Click to expand...

What? Why was this removed? If this thing is like the modern SARP "claymore" it should be relatively undetectable, what with all the autodetect we have. I mean hey, we have communicators fixed with subspace functionality, and a mine can't have the possibility to be able to be marginally undetectable? I can see it like this, an Armor walks or floats along, and their detection systems begin to go heywire due to the mine, what happens? Naturally they'd become wary, and take it nice and slow, or begin a more detailed sweep using higher end equipment. Nothing wrong with having a little uncertainty, and less autodetect. Sure, you run the risk of blowing yourself up, but that is the point of the mine, its a mine. Kept hidden, and waiting to be tripped, it can still be detected with that system installed, but would make people actually work on finding it. As well as wary of that area, possibly adding another layer of roleplay. :|

As for you Mr. Osa, I've noticed a trend lately of you walking into the thread, making demands, being blunt, or outright cursing. I suggest you tone it down a little my friend, and remember those that come in here, who are neither mods, nor admins are here to provide useful critique', and be friendly about it. As for only Tomoe, Fian or myself using it, well, don't assume some RPers can't digest a large article, when I first came here I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed with the sheer detail, but , I worked through it. Others can to if they apply themselves, or have the aptitude already. And personally, I see this page as a breakdown of what the mine can do/has the capability of being outfitted with. Nothing more, nothing less, a mere instructional "How-To" guide.
 
The whole submission is just too "uber."

It's got more sensors than a scout ship and better stealth and ECM than anything else in the setting! Not cool.
 
http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/land ... aymore.htm
This article indicates my mine actually has a severely low range...

http://www.janes.com/extracts/extract/j ... da044.html
This indicates the ammount of hurt is about accurate for the shaped charge.

http://www.textrondefense.com/pdfs/data ... asheet.pdf
This seems to indicate that the complexity is quite feasible.

http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/abstract/1133628
This indicates that with modern technology, of today, it is possible to disguise objects from EM detection.

I think its safe to say the DESU is pretty sane and sensible. I maybe should increase the range... but eh.
 
Wes, the whole point of the damn thing is to be immobile and smart.

Pour the money into sensors that would have gone into engines, cockpit space and high end power sources and it acts as a high-end passive sentry as well as a mine: literally: it's a strategic unit of its own class, for less than half the cost of a low end armor.

Don't gimp stuff because some factions are unable to respond or would require retraining to successfully navigate a mine-field, whether terrestrial or in space.

Ideally, you could turn debris fields from past battles into death-traps doing this but that would make salvage work much more difficult (and much more interesting, if they got the expertise to diffuse weapons from the black market).
 
Because it's just going to explode, you want to put the minimum possible complication in it so it's easier to make in large numbers.
 
It is a sophisticated device, all in all. Like comparing an F-35 to a old school biplane, but I can see where the tech rationale for developing something of this caliber. The old mining system involved using cheap, mass produced objects that might have the refinement of IFF, but would otherwise be highly indiscriminate and had to be seeded in an area en masse to be effective.

The additional complications mean that you don't have to produce them in large numbers.
 
Added a poll.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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