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Approved Character [YSS Anoiktos] Shamshiel Topazios

All of the physical stuff needs to be filled out a bit more. Remember, the goal is for an artist to be able to draw the character based solely off of what you have written, and it's very barebones right now.

The personality is a bit contradictory, but I think I'll let it be so long as you're aware of it. Superstition and science don't usually go hand in hand, so that will definitely make her seem a bit odd, if you stick with it.

You should probably rework the goals portion of the bio, too. People don't "upgrade" to a Patrician body. Either you're born a Patrician or you're not; she could potentially aspire to become a Paragon, but keep in mind that we're talking the epitome of society there, people like Gandhi. It would take something truly remarkable for a non-Patrician to be named as a Paragon.

In the skills, you should probably add something about PA training to fighting. Even if she's not military, she would've received at least some basic training for self-defense purposes, just on the principle that we have no idea what we might find.

The technology operations should also mention Elysian systems, since the Kessaku OS wouldn't be used outside of the SAoY ships for Elysia. It's still feasible for her to have used Kessaku, but the norm would be the Elysian systems.

You might also want to tweak the medical skill around a bit. While general biology courses might let you do first aid a bit more effectively, it would probably be better to let the AI handle medical procedures if you're not actually trained as a doctor. There's a lot more to being a doctor than just knowing where stuff is in the body, and how it works.

Go ahead and specify what kind of cartridges she has custom made for the Pestris, if you can. Loading a round is actually something that takes some practice, so she would probably need to have them made for her, rather than making them herself.

Past there, I'm assuming you're still filling out the inventory. The only other change to make would be to the money, since she's a civilian, she would still use the Aureas, not the KS.

Good start, I like what I see so far.
 
Thanks, that is exactly the guidance I was looking for to continue. Don't worry, this is not my first character by a long shot so the end result will definitely be on point! Will do more work tonight when little ones are in bed.

Although, regarding medical, don't really need to have it there since now the ship does have one it seems. Shamshiel would just be a backup to that, if hey needed a hand.
 
If that is the case, what if I took it out completely and added a needed tradeskill like, say, cooking? That could be helpful and potentially funny given her personality. I even have a good ideal to make it relevant to her history I am drafting.
 
Go for it. I'm always in favor of more unique skills, rather than just those that would make sense right off the bat.
 
Great, I will work that in. Just one more question, since I generally have played military characters with generic inventories, what equipment is being provided by the ECN for the mission to her, versus what I have to provide on her own dime?
 
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That depends on how you want to play this. Either they're providing nothing outside of the PA for your protection because you're just attached, and you should be bringing all of your own equipment, or you're actually working for the military, in which case, equipment would be provided. Mostly a chain of command argument.
 
Okay, the character page is now pretty much complete and ready for your perusal. :) Upon writing her story, I made some changes to her original personality info and filled out the appearance more. Hew equipment is mostly done I think, unless you feel I am missing something.
 
I see we finally got some young blood to put on board the ship. Good to see the average age of the crew drop down to just 40 years.
 
Oh, goody, so at least one thing I had in my original writeup of this review is gone already. For future reference, mousy is pretty much only used to describe a personality or hair color, doesn't really mean much from a skin/build perspective.

Now, for history. The fighting over Hell was mostly part of the second and third wars, so far as I know there was no major action there during the fourth war, which is how you have it written up in your third paragraph.

The last bit of the history also needs to be reworked a bit. Like has been discussed, at this point, the ship is basically a exploration and potential colonization locator, it has nothing to do with "growing Elysia to glory" just yet.

The fighting skill should be retweaked to make most of it not involve the military again. If she received her weapons training from the military, she received the standard training, not training with the odd weapons. Makes more sense for those to be things she learned on her own, with her just receiving basic PA training from the military.

The rest of the skills look okay, but you have 9 all told. I'll leave it up to @Semjax to decide whether or not that's okay.

I'd probably skip over the Neutrino ammo for the Pestris. Wouldn't see much use unless you were facing an armored target, and if they're in armor, it's probably radiation shielded, so neutrinos wouldn't do much good.

You should also add some personal items here! Clothing, keepsakes, and so on. You're not military, so you're allowed to go kinda nuts with what you have.

Outside of there, looks good to me. Just a bit more tweaking to go.
 
While normally i'd allow this, I have to agree with @Aendri 's thought pattern on extra skills, as he's said many times before. He and I would much rather see skills be earned and come up through RP rather then submission. As such I would like to request that you lower your skills to 7 as par the normal.
 
Okay!
Mousy - this was actually fixed this morning when I redid her appearance info.
Last paragraph of history - fixed the language used here.
Too many skills - removed Expedition and Art (both can be evolved as you stated)
Neutrino ammo - removed, had already been thinking of dropping it before.

Only big issue is I just realised that I Confused the Second and the Fourth Elysian wars in the part about losing her brothers, hence the focusing on Hell the way I did... Will rewrite that part as well as expanding on her more personal inventory.
 
Looks good for the most part.

Think I missed this before, but as I've told many, many people, many, many times, there is no unknown on the wiki. Shamshiel may not know what happened to her sister but the wiki does.

Great phrasing on the last paragraph, I really like that.

I do like the inventory, though, it should be clarified. Just how many bags and crates of crystals are we talking about? Keep in mind that even if she's a civilian, we're still on a military ship, so there IS limited storage space, especially since this is supposed to be a long range ship.

Overall, though, you're good to go. Make those last few tweaks, but you're fine to post whenever we get the plot thread up.
 
Lol yes it is up, and chomping at the bit to post here... :)

As for inventory it was just meant to be vague on purpose, I'll just say she has one nice box of them if you wish for me to be more specific.

I will add one line in the paragraph where she decides to switch bodies and study, so she reestablishes contact with sis who was doing fine in the entertainment industry. It is a good fate, meant to accentuate positive upswing from that point onward.
 
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