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Approved Character [YSS Heartbreaker] Hasewega Sara

Haven't looked over most of it, but just for the record, I'm guessing you intended to write LESS than 1, not more than 1.
 
I don't know it linked to the wrong to the page, though I should fix it. Fixed the link now.
 
Let's see...

  • Everything in those top boxes under your picture should be links to the relevant articles. Species, rank, occupation, etc.
  • A tiny bit more info in the distinguishing features part would be nice. Anything to make you stand out and give other players things to play off of always helps.
  • Since you're playing a Minkan who has lived 20 years, a bit more history is necessary. Flesh out that paragraph and probably add one more. Just a few sentences about school, basic training, infantry selection, maybe even how she related to friends or possible love interests, anything to make her more real. Also, even if she doesn't know her mother, you should include a name and give us a bit of OOC info. Like you can just put 'Firstname Sara- (Unknown to Hasewega)' and give us one sentence saying she ran away, died in battle, etc. etc. and just put it right before her father refusing to tell her any of this.
  • Make sure you mention her training with the Mindy in the Fighting section. You might want to copy the wiki link for the Star Army Common Skills to keep you covered, and also as a reminder of what you will be expected to do.
  • Thanks for setting up the Mindy loadout! But be sure to link to the Mindy 3 and not 2.
  • If she knows a mixture of several types of martial arts, you might want to give a bit more info on how or why her father knows so much to teach her in the first place. Maybe he traveled? Or dragged her around with him to all these different places to train?

Not too many things to fix, really. I did spot quite a few typos in there, though. Once you finish making these improvements, just take a slow read through the whole thing and see what you can fix. I spotted 'her' instead of 'hear' and you're missing some commas and stuff like that. Nothing too major.
 
Updated most of things you pointed. If there's anything else you need to point out or somethings still not up to par, let me know.
 
Looks good to me! I'll mark this APPROVED if @Wes can move it to the proper spot for me. I'll get you added to our wiki page now. Feel free to post in the OOC thread to say hello, although we're in the middle of a mission so it might take a bit to get you properly introduced.
 
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