1) Capitalize Star Army.
2) "with his parents tales" should be "with his parents' tales"
3) Likes is just "sports,". Either add more or get rid of the comma. He must like more than sports, though!
4) In social connections, separate mother and father with a line break.
Right now: Matsuvo Shinomori is connected to: Asuyuki Shinomori, father Ritsuko Yamata, mother
What it should be:
Matsuvo Shinomori is connected to:
Asuyuki Shinomori, father
Ritsuko Yamata, mother
5) Yamata is too close to Yamatai choose a new last name for his mother.
6) You say lanky twice in the first two sentences. Try to find a synonym. Do not feel obliged to do this, though. Merely a personal preference of mine not to use the same word too many times in a row.
7) "Matsuvo's parents met in the star army in YE 19, they fell in love almost immediately, Mat was conceived and his parents left the military for a civilian life in Kyoto." Change it a bit to, "Matsuvo's parents met in the Star Army in YE 19. They fell in love almost immediately, Mat was conceived, and his parents left the military for a civilian life in Kyoto." You needed that comma after conceived. Plus, breaking it into two sentences is a good call.
8) "as his parents had had happen to them, something more." I used to do this but realized it wasn't necessary to have the second word in most cases. Just delete one of them.
9) Star army skills need to be linked properly. The issue is, you created them as a header by putting "=== [[stararmy:skills:common]] ===" when really you only need it to be "[[stararmy:skills:common]]"
Looks great besides those things! They're all minor nit-picky things and overall, very well done character!
