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  • 📅 May and June 2024 are YE 46.4 in the RP.

Approved Character [YSS Kaiyo] Arinori Sora

@Arbitrated - Here's my review of Arinori Sora:
  • In the Physical Description section, would you mind bolding the first part of each item ("Height," "Weight," etc.)? It's alright if you don't - it would just look a bit better and be a bit more readable in my humble opinion.
  • What caused Sora to develop "...an odd mix of attitudes, combining a social instigator with a logical, analytical think tank, with what could be considered a hero complex of some variation...[?]"
  • Would you mind elaborating upon the situations described in the Personality section somewhere in the History please? For instance, did she become friends with the person(s) she was protecting?
  • In the History section, would you mind making "INFANCY," "EARLY LIFE," and "EARLY ADULTHOOD" into proper sub-headers, please? I also have a few questions:
    • Early Life
      • What effect did the racism have on Sora?
      • What was the species and name of the "private tutor" her parents hired?
    • Early Adulthood
      • Did Sora learn about the four Elysian wars - and if she did, how did the knowledge affect her?
      • What led to Sora always "...improving herself as if driven by an unfathomable force..." and "...[continuously] working, tirelessly prospecting self-recorded data and comparing it to what she had done in the relative past...[?]" A deep-seated desire to be a "better" hero?
  • Would you mind expanding the Social Connections section a bit, please? For instance, what is Sora's relationship with her biological parents - and how old are they? What is/was her relationship with the aforementioned tutor - and what is/was his or her age?

Apart from that, everything looks good to go - just a few minor things, and I'll be glad to give my approval. :)
 
FrostJaeger said:
  • In the Physical Description section, would you mind bolding the first part of each item ("Height," "Weight," etc.)? It's alright if you don't - it would just look a bit better and be a bit more readable in my humble opinion.
Click to expand...
Should be easy.

FrostJaeger said:
What caused Sora to develop "...an odd mix of attitudes, combining a social instigator with a logical, analytical think tank, with what could be considered a hero complex of some variation...[?]"
Click to expand...
FrostJaeger said:
What led to Sora always "...improving herself as if driven by an unfathomable force..." and "...[continuously] working, tirelessly prospecting self-recorded data and comparing it to what she had done in the relative past...[?]" A deep-seated desire to be a "better" hero?
Click to expand...
Some stuff comes naturally, I guess. Although the attitude mixture significantly comes from her social isolation, as stated later on. Namely the heroic and social instigation parts; someone who naturally is more open has an effect about them which causes people around them to rally or at least, "loosen up". I can work on the improvement part.

FrostJaeger said:
Would you mind elaborating upon the situations described in the Personality section somewhere in the History please? For instance, did she become friends with the person(s) she was protecting?
Click to expand...
FrostJaeger said:
Would you mind expanding the Social Connections section a bit, please? For instance, what is Sora's relationship with her biological parents - and how old are they? What is/was her relationship with the aforementioned tutor - and what is/was his or her age?
Click to expand...
Likely yes, or at least they wouldn't dislike her as openly or something.... I'll touch up on that. And the tutor, as well.

FrostJaeger said:
In the History section, would you mind making "INFANCY," "EARLY LIFE," and "EARLY ADULTHOOD" into proper sub-headers, please?
Click to expand...
I'll need a bit of help with the formatting for this one I think.

FrostJaeger said:
What effect did the racism have on Sora?
Click to expand...
FrostJaeger said:
Did Sora learn about the four Elysian wars - and if she did, how did the knowledge affect her?
Click to expand...
Well the racism... I'll work on that one. Regarding knowledge of the wars, while she was aware the wars were happening the attempts by her parents to keep her unaware of the details were mostly successful. So combined with the tutor she wasn't... All that aware of what actually happened, other than the fact that her home country was fighting some place called elysia and they were winning/they won... At least until the fourth war which I'll edit information into, even though there's basically no information about them.

FrostJaeger said:
What were the "personal choices" mentioned in the Engineering section?
Click to expand...
She chose in some bits of spare time to read books on the subject of design and the like.
FrostJaeger said:
As she currently has more than the seven skills permitted at character creation, would you mind reducing the number of skills Sora has? Star Army Common Skills count as four separate skills, not one.
Click to expand...
Noted.




I'll get working on the edits.
 
For your History section, try using ==== Early Life ==== etc.

The History section itself is ===== History ===== with five equal signs. Basically, the more equal signs, the bigger the font size/title size. Five and under make it simple a bold title. My suggestion would be:

===== History =====
==== Pre-RP ====
=== Infancy ===

But you can skip the Pre-RP title for larger Infancy, Early Life, and Early Adulthood titles. I usually like to use the Pre-RP section to encompass the entirety of my characters experience before being approved, but that's my own personal preference. I hope this helped!

Edit: A good thing to note is that each title will give you a clickable link in the table of contents section at the top of the character's wiki page. So, if there are any other areas in her wiki that you want to be able to find quickly, you can use this tool to "bookmark" them, as it were.
 
Formatting: check! Thanks @Ametheliana for helping me with using the link system, and @Fay for the headers!

Personality: check! Really wasn't much that needed to be changed, but a bit was added onto her perfection obsession. It's more of an inward thing anyways.

History: check! Added some reactions about the elysian war, well the fourth one, and then went in a bit more detail about her recruitment into Yamatai.

Social Connections: check!

Skills: Check! Down to seven total again.

I believe that covers it all, @FrostJaeger ?
 
That is true. Since she IS raised in Yamatai, this would require some extra approval.



...Also I forgot to hit save >.< Now you guys can robably see the edits.
 
Where was she during the great plague of YE 08?
 
"Time for an extended vacation!" <---- me to my husband all the time and also whenever someone needs to avoid the Great Plague of YE 08
 
Actually that plague is kind of interesting, lol...


Updated with plague info and some grammar fixes.
 
Corrected a previous error regarding her home city. Kyoto didn't exist at the time, so she lives in Mezerit now!

Well, lived. Then she joined the army.
 
The profile looks good. Not being in the area of effect for the plague is a good work around for it. That was @Wes 's main issue with this profile, so I will move the thread once Wes gives the thumbs up.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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