Soban
Convention Veteran
- RP Date
- YE 45.5
- RP Location
- YSS Koun
YSS Koun
Medical bay
"So… That's me, huh?" Aliset looked through the hologram, watching the swirling light and activity of a digitized mind simulated. One would be easily forgiven for it being an art piece, but as she flipped a switch, the colors were contained in a shell, brain shaped high resolution scan that would allow copying of her mind. A digitized, fully simulated version of herself that would serve as a baseline model for ST attempts of others of her species. She could see where the issues had lied, from the thick, solid steel skull to the trientspherical brain. She was not a medical professional. She didn't know how her body worked. But she knew the basic physics.
She knew it took an unusually long time to map her brain primarily because of its unusual structure, difficulty of access, and the fact that neither of the people doing it actually had time. She didn't have time to sit with her arm in a hemosynth tank to get DNA samples collected without breaching the blood stream. Nor for the blood and culture samples to sort out her bacterial ecosystem. Not that she knew if a new body was even under construction. "By the way, the retrainer's willing to accept my hand translation of the book. He and I agree a lot was lost in the digital translation. He's willing to bump me a full letter for it. Not enough to pass if I don't make a C+ or better. So basically easy B or better."
"Good to hear," one of the nurses spoke. "And yes. That's you. Every memory, thought, emotion, every brain structure, all of it. We actually got a little creative and had the basic structure modelled based on the DNA we gathered. And that let us reformat our scans. Your skull isn't easy to scan through, but we think we have it. It shows stable, and the simulation's showing it's an almost exact match."
"Almost?" Aliset's brow furrowed as she looked back at the Nekovalkyrja.
Sacre nodded to the nurse to have her explain.
"There are certain laws in place, both yours and ours that prevent us from making absolutely certain. And with the way your brain's structured, we're kind of in uncharted territory. Plus skirting the law enough with the modifications you and our CMO wanted. Speaking of, your species looks like it has a shockingly slow evolutionary rate. Large generational overlap and your habitats make evolutionary pressures extraordinarily low. Plus the relative immunity to viral corruption and the high radiation tolerance… It explains the nonspecieation of Senti across the sector, despite hundreds of generations separation. We're still sequencing the genome. Neither you nor I are experts in that field. I just do ST and neuroaugmentation. Which is why I wanted to talk to you. I think I have a solution for your collar," the nurse explained as she offered a soft smile. She switched the hologram to a diagram of a Senti brain with structures and segments highlighted. As she spoke, she placed her hand into the hologram, indicating specific portions.
"As you know, a human derived species tends to have a hemispherical brain. Senti have what's called a trientspherical brain. The frontal trintsphere is you. Higher reasoning, personality, conscious thought, et cetera. Kind of like the frontal cortex in a hemispherical brain. Behind that is what appears to be a complete and functional hemispherical brain, complete with its own frontal cortex. This is your subconscious, your instincts, reflexes, and, funny enough, your memories. They aren't in the forward sphere. And we picked up minor psychic resonances between the trintspheres. Like a wireless keyboard versus us Nekovalkyrja's telepathic wireless fidelity. What happened when we injected you is that we gave you the software. And then your immune system attacked the hardware. Basically shunting a standard tablet's wireless card completely unencrypted through a full sized starship's comm array with no off switch and the main power cable linked to the antenna. It's a mess. I think I have a fix for it."
To say Aliset was confused would be the understatement of a few centuries. But she nodded and smiled, pretending to understand. "Okay, what's the fix?"
"I added in a fourth, very small division of the brain. All it does is translate your thoughts to the network protocols, encrypt it, and receive to translate and return to you. It'll connect directly to your forward sphere, so no leakage, conscious thoughts only, and you can switch it on and off with a thought. It might have a few very minor side effects."
"Like?"
"Might make it harder to synchronize your ST, at least at first. And you won't be able to feel anyone's presence. But you will be able to hear the ship. And the crew. More important, and the reason you started this project, if this works, you'll represent the first generation Military Senti body. And an advancement in ST technology that will allow others of your species to survive. Just… don't wig out too hard handling your own burial steel."
“There aren’t many changes to make, not without changing your optimization parameters. Senti have pretty optimal genetic sequences for a natural race.” Sacre explained.
"So no taser hands, venom glands, or other entertaining surprises," Aliset asked with a chuckle. "I mean, I could go for the SPINE being installed ahead of the immune system."
"I'd be more worried about the kind of worlds where evolution resulted in…" the nurse gestured to Aliset vaguely, all of her. "That."
Sacre nodded, “My understanding is that we don’t know much about their homeworld, but it must have been a particularly vicious death world.” Sacre agreed with the nurse before returning to Aliset. “We can probably do stuff like that, but it changes your optimization. Consider for a moment a venom gland, do we make it so you are immune to your own venom? If so then how does that change how say the nerves are balanced? Where do we put it, and what do we have to move out of the way to put it there? None of the problems are insurmountable, but the more you are optimized for one thing, the less you are optimized for another. We can probably do a SPINE though without changing much.”
"I was kind of making a joke about what you would want to improve, but I understand. The rocket equation applies to everything, and any of those would put a strain on my metabolism that would shorten my life span. Or if it's cybernetic would have to be installed to grow with me or be removable otherwise I risk injury later in life. I get it," Aliset's smirk turned to a full grin before her confusion returned "Also death worlds don't often result in hominids, do they?"
"Abdominal sternae, fat sleeved double redundant musculature, crystalline steel bones, and hilarious bioplasticity? Either she's a deathworlder or she's as engineered as I am."
“Those are the two options. Deathworlds produce highly optimized patterns, often into a single niche. A hominid is typically a generalist. However, it’s not completely unheard of. I think it’s a deathworld because these are fairly combat oriented aspects, but Senti culture is cowardly. Whereas Nekos are perfectly fine with fighting. However, being cowardly is a survival strategy on a deathworld.” Sacre explained.
"If there's any truth to the Skydas mythology, Senti cowardice is a learned thing," Aliset corrected. "But deathworlder is a more paletable option. Even if Shuristans respond to fear with a fight."
"I've seen what happened at the Glimmergold mission. That was a mess," the nurse shrugged. "I'm gonna go plug this into our files."
"I was terrified."
Sacre nodded, “I don’t think most people appreciate how much of a risk it was.”
"I mean, I was kinda operating by instinct. Just like at Gashmere. And most of my bombing missions. It was… instinct and reaction. I wasn't thinking, much. And I know I'm not alone. Skydasir like me tend to be faster, more reactionary, less precise, and more ready to just act. We also learn faster. Something about neuroplasticity? I don't know, it's not my strong suit. I just know the myths say that we're descended from the survivors of Wrath's war." Aliset gave a shrug, sitting down on the table. "I think it's a silly myth. But I was watching the Fireplace fleet responses. And I know I'm not the only one in my species that just responds like that."
“I’m pretty sure we’ll be arguing about the origins of your species for a long time. If we knew for a fact that the myths of originating in a war were true, then that would be pretty good evidence that your species is an engineered one, like Nekos.” Sacre agreed.
"I mean, that's if those myths are true, or the myths from before then. Mythology wasn't my strong suit, though. Still. I wanted you to have more freedom over my new body if I need one. Your design. Completely. I have no idea where to start, and you have the expertise. Also looks. Because you have a better idea of what makes me pretty to you. But can I keep the dents in my ribs?" She turned slightly to look at Sacre and smile. "Plus any extras. Is this okay?"
“You can keep the dent in your ribs, but the one in your hip is coming out.” Sacre took a breath, “I’m probably not going to be very experimental on you, because doing this at all is an experiment. I want to make sure we have the basics down before we start adding a lot of stuff.” She explained.
"I understand," Aliset nodded, reaching to take one of Sacre's hands. "I trust you. Don't be surprised if the new body comes out skinny. Less bust and hips. And none of the cuspid growth. That's a side effect of years of crappy diet. And the body fat is mostly remnants from recovery from that hip dent. If you want to keep that, I have no objections. Don't get me wrong, this scares me. But I'm ready when you are."
Sacre’s hand darted away like a scared fish, but returned and took Aliset’s hand. “I’ve covered every contingency I could think of. I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought it would put you at too much of a risk.” Sacre paused, considering. “We can do it now. If you want.”
Offering a soft smile, Aliset nodded, choosing to finish the sentiment with a small joke. "It's your call. Do you have a spare body ready or am I gonna have to live as a Neko long enough to figure out if it worked?"
“While I think you would make a very cute Neko, that’s our abort option. We are going to pull you out of your original body, then move you into your new one. If something goes wrong, it’s going to be easier to put you back into your old body than into a Neko one. But it is an option if things aren’t working out right.” Sacre explained.
"So you do have a spare ready? Is it because my brain's weird shaped? I mean, I know the risks. I'm the first of my species to go through this… Let's make history. And hope it doesn't take true love's kiss to break that sleeping spell. But I'd rather we have the original as a backup. In stead of putting this off until it has to be done. If we do this now, we have a better and safer abort option. If we wait for me to get myself shot, then we don't. Let's do this. Your way. With the safety net."
Sacre leaned down and planted a kiss on Aliset’s head. “The good news is that we have a large supply of those.” She slid over to a bed with a backup device attached to it. “Lay down here, and I’ll put the helmet on, then we’ll move you into the computer system for the transfer. You’ll close your eyes, and hopefully wake up in a new body.”
Sliding off the table, Aliset undressed, knowing she would need her uniform in the new body. She left this folded neatly on the table. Still, she followed to do as she was told, reminding herself to breathe as she offered Sacre another smile and a thumbs up. "Want me to turn off the collar or will that cause any wigginess in the helmet?"
“The collar should come off, it’s a weird structure in your brain, so we don’t want the interference.” Sacre explained as Aliset let her hand caress her neck and deactivate the collar.
"I love you. See you in a bit."
Aliset felt a slight shock, and then her consciousness was suspended as it was transferred into the computer. Her eyes closed and her body’s breathing became even as it entered a vegetative state. Sacre’s fingers lingered on her skin for a moment, then she pulled the sheet up to cover what was now a spare body. She moved over to the locker where they kept the experimental body and pulled it out of the tray. With some help from the nurse, she moved it over to a bed across the medbay from the old body.
She checked Aliset’s pattern in the computer, making sure that everything was correct and they would be able to transfer. She double checked, wanting to be certain and then committed a copy as Aliset’s official backup. She lowered the transfer helmet to the new bodies head. She took a breath and pressed a button.
She glanced over, expecting Aliset to wake up immediately. She checked the readouts, everything seemed fine. There wasn’t anything preventing her from waking up. Sacre frowned, taking a gamma fork to verify the installation and then deleting it. Everything was as it should be. Sacre tried to think through the problem, but wasn’t sure what the issue was. She glided over to the new body, caressing a lock of hair that had gotten out of place back to where it was supposed to be. Then on an impulse, leaned down and kissed Aliset on the lips.
Aliset, herself, had felt… something. She wasn't sure there were words for the sensation, feeling her mind split, separated from her memories and instincts, she had wondered if that's all she was, even after it was explained to her. Until a pinging struck her from somewhere, a thought, the memory of Sacre's smell and then sensation, lips on her own. It took a couple of moments for her to ride out the wave of sensations and the uncanny feeling of her own heart skipping a beat before a hand closed. As though testing her own control before she reached up, finding Sacre's hand as though on instinct. Her head moved, bumping against Sacre's forehead with a soft humming sound. If, raspy and slow as muscles used for the first time relearned how to speak. "Did it work?"
“It did, welcome to your new home.” Sacre said, a rare smile breaking her face.
"It's all stiff…" Ali's voice trailed off as she finally opened her eyes, the blinding light fading as she focused on Sacre. “Sudehy Pakymopė, šeuc sudanc šobcahy myesehy šeą teahą, mehgei zą sydode geagjeahą cagihtę.”
Just as she had spoken, the same words in their bath and Sacre's last shed. And the new body, new eyes, had never been through what Aliset had, never built up that crust of iron oxide that had covered and corrupted the green-blue iridescence. Her tongue probed her mouth for a moment, finding a lack of those rock breaking fangs. "My body feels weird. Better. But weird. I may need a bit to figure out how to move again. New body, no muscle memory. Like a hangover from Hell. Nothing you can't kiss better," she offered a dorky grin.
Sacre looked Aliset over, trying to assess if everything had gone right with the transition.
"I'm sorry if I scared you."
Sacre popped back out of medical mode, her bedside manner was terrible, even with her fiance. Sacre took her hand and gave it a kiss. “The Nekos say it’s like driving a new shuttle. You already know how to drive a shuttle, but sometimes things aren’t exactly where you expected. If this works out, you don’t have to worry too much about death anymore.” She said, there was a bittersweet note in her voice.
"To be fair, the Nekos have user manuals and software updates. I have… Well, I'm not doing this for me. It is not a pleasant feeling," Aliset gave a soft grunt as she finally rolled to one side and pushed herself up to a sitting position. "Any immortality I gain from this, I am not keeping. Only as long as you and Mari are also still around. Cause I know you opted out. So I'm gonna grow old with you. Sorry. For the first time in months, no brain fog… Except the noise of every intranet capable device on the ship. And a very powerful entity poking at the back of my mind. Is that the Megami?"
“Probably, Megami wants into everything. I just want into your pants.” Sacre said.
"I'm not wearing any. Neither are you," Aliset's snappy response came with her tongue displayed playfully.
“I do have your hymen on the list of things we need to break in…” Sacre took a breath, Aliset had a way of breaking Sacre out of her usual detached routine. Going back to her doctor mode, she continued. “But that comes later. How are you doing with your motor control? Start with your feet and move upwards.”
"Feeling's a little staticky, but…" Aliset looked downwards, rotating her ankles and wiggling her toes. Moving up, she seemed to try flexing and moving every piece individually before trying to move her legs as a pair. "Still trying to figure out my orientation. Hip feels weird. Is it supposed to bend like that?"
“You no longer have a huge dent in them, although I managed to figure out how to keep the rib dent so that it doesn’t impinge on any organs. So yes, that is the normal range of motion.” Sacre said, taking a tool with what looked like a short fishing line on the end. She touched it to Aliset’s feet, “can you feel that?”
"Yeah," she nodded, moving each foot away as it was touched. "I feel it. What is that?"
“Nerve test, make sure you have feeling in each foot. Ok, let’s sit up and see how your balance changes. You might need to lay down again, as your inertial system doesn’t have the reference points yet.” Sacre said.
Rolling to her feet, Aliset felt her feet hit the ground, before she felt her foot roll to one side, gravity dragging her to one side as a hand instinctively reached out for a handhold and finding nothing. "Nope."
Aliset gave a sharp twist, planting her hands on the table and gripping firmly to arrest her fall. "Okay. I am not flat on my face."
Sacre looked at Aliset like she was stupid. “Nor are you seated. Instructions seem to slip your mind like a slimy canoe down a bobsled track.” Sacre said with mild annoyance.
"I miscalculated, I'm sorry!" Aliset gave a whine like a toddler as she moved about at the same pace, carefully placing her hands before turning around and planting her butt against the bed. Locking her knees, she shakily took her hands off the rails and offered a wide grin.
"Look, doc, no-- wuluahk!" With a squeak, a squall of surprise, and a clatter, Aliset found herself firmly seated on the deck, looking up far further towards her annoyed fiance.
“Have you ever considered a career in entertainment? Your ‘I’ll do anything for attention, even hurting myself’ would fit right in. So would your impulse control of a squirrel on speed.” Sacre said, scooping Aliset up in her arms and tail to set her back on the table.
"My voice is terrible," Aliset responded. She would not deny the assistance, and relaxed into letting Sacre lift her.
"And clearly I am no dancer, so while I've considered it, that career would crash and burn faster than me running for the Shuristan governor's office." With a soft push of her mind, Aliset figured out how to turn off the nagging sensations of the Koun's networks so she could focus on learning how to not wind up as the fourth stooge. "But if you want to dress me in glitter and sparkles, I won't say no."
“There is this one dress I saw that was very shiny and glittery, I could take that off you.” Sacre said, checking Aliset over that the new body wasn’t damaged by the fall.
No damage aside a bruised ego seemed to show, and even then as Aliset's brain reached out in ways it couldn't with the collar, she found herself feeling more energetic and clearheaded than usual. "Oh? What are you thinking, some little mini skirted transparent thing I'm too busty for? Or did I not keep my boobs?"
Looking down, Aliset hefted one, considering her body's shape and balance as she made the conscious effort to remember how gravity affected her and absently wondering if she would need to go through the year long ordeal of acclimating again. But this time she was around people that had grown up in such conditions. Maybe she would need to reacclimate to null grav. "Nope. Still got 'em. So. Describe this dress for me? Should I wear that lace you like with it or is it more something to be nude under?"
“So it’s this scale mail sort of thing, little diamonds in iridescent colors that conform to the shape of your body. I think the linkages between the diamonds might shrink or grow slightly to keep it slinky. I think something black might work for contrast. Hmm, I wonder if they could be semi-transparent.” Sacre said, taking each of Aliset’s arms and checking for range of motion. She wrapped her arms around Aliset in a hug, “Ok, let’s lay you down.” She said, being perhaps a bit more intimate than necessary.
Feeling herself moved around like this, Aliset found herself impressed with Sacre's skill at building bodies, her first attempt at a new species having come out better than her original form. She gave a nod and a smile, squeezing Sacre in her hug before shifting herself to lay down. "Yeah. I'll be good. That dress sounds so pretty. If it's translucent, I'll probably get a a new set to go with it. So what's left?"
“Sit you up again, make sure your sense of balance is back. Walk around a bit, then we’ll have a small drone keep you in observation, make sure nothing goes too horribly wrong. I have to figure out how I can adjust things so the balance issue doesn’t happen next time.” Sacre explained. Cuddling with Aliset for several moments before they would have her sit up again.
Nodding, Aliset let Sacre move first before she clenched her core and sat up carefully. "It's… You know most Senti don't have gravity. It took me more than a year to acclimate and build the muscle memory to move right. Whatever you need to do to figure it out. Are you okay working on my spare body or would you rather build another spare? And do I need to be worried about viral or nanomachine infections right now?"
“Your muscle memory should come back faster this time. I thought I designed it so we could port directly, but I probably missed something. I’ve installed your symbiotes, a variation I’ve been working on that has more compatible IFF. I don’t know if they will work or not though.” Sacre said, “Ok, so turn your head back and forth, up and down. Do you have any nausea or vertigo?”
"Nothing unusual. Little bit of wigginess. Senses are clearing up," she considered the modified symbiote colony. It was a risk, certainly, but one that would have needed to be taken. "Maybe we can use a nanomachine infection to help with natural selection. Antibiotic payload to destroy any examples that the markers don't work with? Unless that's exactly what you did alongside your penchant for gene editing? I dunno. Still, kinda hung up on what you said, you… you fixed my hips. So… So I'm not in danger if something happens?"
“Not unless you find a shuttle to drop on yourself.”
"You know that won't be hard. Between Captain Belmont's driving and the ship I own, I'm surprised I haven't been run over like a college girl meeting truck-kun."
“Unless Truck-kun is taking both of us on some wild fantasy adventure, I’m going to veto you two having a meet up.”
"To be fair, there are a lot of things I have to accept are fantastical, even if they're normal for others." She gave a soft shrug, chuckling as she interwove her fingers behind her head. "And if I want to be put in my place and unable to walk, all I need is two words and a tone. Some silly truck won't be able."
“Right, so let’s get you standing.” Sacre said, taking Aliset’s hands in hers so she could lean on the tall lanky Separa’Shan if she needed to.
"Right." Giving the hands a squeeze, Aliset stood, far more carefully than the last time. She made sure to feel out her balance and her brows furrowed as she set that thought into the back of her mind, let it be automatic, second nature till it falls fully into place. "Thank you. I know this was scary, and probably a little touch and go, but I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled this off. I love you, hero. Can I have my clothes back, now?"
Sacre gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I enjoy seeing you naked, but I'm also a jealous bitch. So yes."
Aliset's head tilted as her brows furrowed. That, and the stiffness of her shoulders the only outward indications of the conflicting, stinging emotions at that comment, aside the sharp change in Aliset's scent. From her normal stressed neutral to a hot flash of hurt and anger, even touches of fear as she processed the words and the implications. Then came a small, subtle scent Sacre would recognize as the eureka moment of realization as Aliset's thought leaked into her facial expressions. "I mean… I-- It's cold in here."
I've spoken so poorly for so long she actually believes why I was angry was the standard. Moving over to her uniform, she began to dress as she spoke, turning her face away. "I mean, I know my species is more often focused on demonstrated skill and talent as an attraction base, but there is a physical aspect, I suppose. I know I'm not the most beautiful of my species, and have a hard time finding those of my kind that are able to look past my general shape when first meeting me. So from a cultural aspect, it's hard to imagine dressing daringly in public. Especially in so cold an environment. I dunno. I'm pretty average, though. From a skillset and behavior standpoint, anyway. Nothing special."
Sacre sensed she had said something wrong, but didn’t know what. “There are a lot of ways that people are attracted to each other. I’m not attracted to you because you can fly a ship well, or because you have a hot body, or whatever. I like you because of your spirit, your attitude, your happiness to jump into a challenge, your…” Sacre grasped her hand to show she was looking for a word, “Aliveness. You could be transferred into a misshu body and I’ll still love you, because that’s not what matters to me. But it is the part that doesn’t get shared outside of your lovers.”
Sacre took a breath and reached out for Aliset. “Because you matter to me, I want to protect you, to have you for myself. We are both poly, so I know I won’t be the only one with you, nor you the only one to have me. But, I have to admit some reluctance to it. I don’t think it comes from my culture, but from my own perspective. I’ve been shared around like a basketball, and well, that doesn’t fit me. I don’t want my relationship to be diluted and shared around like a drop of water in the ocean so you can’t even tell it really exists. I want something real, something special, between you and me. The more it’s shared, the less it’s special. So I don’t want to share the beauty of your naked body around more than I have to because that’s the part no one outside of your circle gets.”
Sacre sighed, “I hope that makes sense.”
"Sort of?" The questions died in her throat as she considered Sacre's statements. "It makes sense. I'm not used to how powerful other cultures' jealousy can be, I suppose. When I was a girl, everything around me, everything of my family's is living burial steel. It's not something we own or possess. It's something we care for, entrust each other with. And we treat our living the same way. I know you've read the briefings, even seen the family structures in person. Despite where I was, that kind of collaborative poly is the only way I know how. Sexuality is a very small part of that process."
Turning to face Sacre, she spoke slowly, as though focusing on finding the right words and knowing how little was actually coming through in Yamataigo. But also knowing she didn't speak Trade or Essian well enough to do more than simple broken communication, and Shuristan's information density and aspects made it difficult to learn for even Nekovalkyrja. "You are gorgeous. Graceful and powerful. You defend yourself, your team, and your crew with the same ferocity as you would me. You lead well, your skill is… What is word…. Fuck it. Point. You make everyone lucky to know you. It is hard to translate, and none of this translates well. But sex is a very small part. Our bodies are a very, very small part of a relationship. And my body is not considered beautiful by most Senti. I've made why clear before."
She paused, thinking through her next words and thoughts, piecing it together in her mind. "I understand the trauma. I hate what happened to you and I want to help you heal. I don't have words for any of this and it's hard to explain. Like Yamataigo has like what, eight words for… Flavors? Flavors of love. Shuristan has twenty. Not counting tones. Not counting on the fly complexities. So sorry if this sounds like a completely incoherent stream of word vomit. I was attracted by your expertise and your collectedness in chaos. Ambition and drive. Then talking and I saw… felt… Something. I dunno. But I wasn't sure. Not till I saw how you saved Marigold. That's when I decided to marry you. I know it sounds weird. I know I must sound like a crazy person. I'm dead roads average for my culture, just happen to have had four people, all of whom outside my species think me physically pretty. And yeah, right now you and Say are the only ones I want to share that with right now. Only ones I can. Please feel free to limp kitten me before this gets too garbled."
Sacre nodded, "I love you, I love being left alone, I love Alastair. But I don't love them all in the same way. When I say I love Alastair, I mean that he is a friend and brother in arms. Even if he is a melon headed idiot. When I say I love being left alone, it means that I enjoy it. When I say I love you, I mean that I have a passion for you. That I want what is best for you, love having you in my life, desire your attention, and I want to be your partner in this crazy universe. None of those are the same thing even if we use the same word for them and they can overlap and make talking about our feelings complicated and hard."
"I think what makes all of us non Senti so jealous is that there is some limited resource, like attention or time or whatever that's worth fighting for. So when I say that I'm a jealous bitch, what I mean is that you bring hope and light into my life, and I'm willing to fight for it. I probably messed up the explanation somewhere, but that's at the core of it." Sacre explained.
With a deep breath, Aliset sought Sacre's eyes, locking them into her gaze. "Water is more limited. I love you as a healer and a defender. Sayako is wise, her reason and heart are precious to me. Koun is home. Her crew is my sisters. Her fleet is my neighborhood. I know it doesn't translate well. But coming to a new ship, the instinct, the overwhelming urges and hormones tell me to build a familial network and to find suitable mates to support and protect me. It sounds weird. But love isn't some limited resource, only our ability and energy to act on it. I don't know how else to explain it."
She gave a shrug, looking down and to the side as the thoughts just kept piling up. "The self is nothing without the family. The family nothing without the community. Larger and larger. And my family doesn't end at some imaginary limit between species or worlds of birth. Just as the Shuristan word for warrior is the same as the word for victim. It's more complicated than that. And too simple to properly explain. Does this make any sense? At all? Like this is like fifteen minutes after a huge history making medical procedure, so I'm sorry if I'm more careful than normal."
Sacre shook her head, “I don’t know if I believe that we are nothing without family. It was only after I was separated from them and completely alone that I came to know myself. I’ve also been victim and warrior, and using the same word seems… wrong somehow. Like they don’t understand it. But we value different things, we feel drawn to different things. Because we are different and that’s a part of what makes us beautiful. This isn’t just a big moment in medical history, this is also a big moment in both of our lives. So talking about how our lives intertwine and change matters too.”
"That makes sense," Aliset gave a soft groan, rubbing at her temples as she leaned against the table. "So for a survival and cultural thing, Senti are deep space nomads. Our natural environment is a little more delicate than a planet or huge multiplanetary government. I mean, yeah, we have inane levels of redundancy, but it's complex social structures, hive mindset, and communitive duty that's hammered into us. Any positive, no matter how tiny in the short term offers the entire community growth and prosperity. The tiniest evil, no matter how small, puts everyone at risk. When we put that lense on it, the soldier and the victim have the same strength to survive where they have no choice. I know it's not the same. Not in Yamataian culture. Here we volunteer. Anywhere else, my species has to see no other choice."
Shaking her head, she gave a soft laugh. "Fair warning, my species isn't known for unsolicited photos. I think the closest equivalent would be resumes. An advance like this, careful. You could find yourself up to the armpits in suitors."
“I’d say ‘I was just doing my job’, but I suspect all that would do is bury me completely.” Sacre mused.
"Yup. Remember how I said not only that I'm average, but that I and most Senti are wired to find achievement and demonstrated skill to be… I don't want to call it sexy, but it's kinda sexy. So yeah. Be warned about that. I know my culture's fuckin' weird. Like weird ass funny looking xenos." Another shrug as she offered a smile. "Point being, you're right. Our cultures value and are attracted to different things. Like what about your species? Like what do you find instinctively attractive? Other than the fact that I'm warm?"
Sacre nodded, “Much as I’ve had to be an endless well of Separa’Shan facts, in a lot of ways I’m not. For example, Separa’Shan often sun on rocks close together, touching, and crawling over each other as needed to get to where there is an interesting conversation, or a bit more sunlight. I haven’t done that since I left Essia. Despite that, we are very… independent. We hunt on our own more often than not. We don’t believe in top down control like the empire. We believe in providing options, and letting the person choose. It probably helps that this is also close to how we hunt. We wait and spring a trap. … I never really put those two things together. A healthy Separa’Shan is more… energetic than one that isn’t healthy. So what you look for in a mate is someone who has more energy, more movement, as that means they are healthier. But we aren’t primarily visual, we mainly go off of scent and pheromones. So… well… you smell nice. … It’s more complex than that, but what is sexy to us? To me? Well, it’s bringing an energy to the room.” Sacre shrugged.
"Kay. So just so you know, none of that was in the species briefing. I had no idea that my being bouncy, bouncy, and smelling nice were the thing," offering a small joke, she bounced her chest once.
"But I get it. From what I have been able to find, it makes sense. Cause you said you're more wired to navigate and identify by smell, like I am by touch. Or how you have a highly advanced pheromonal system and I can feel inertia and rotational forces. Also that sunbathing date we had, would you like to do that again? Cause that was really nice. Even if it was a chaotic gremlin informorphic friend of mine's idea."
Sacre’s eyes were drawn to Alisets bouncing assets. “Yes, I’d like that.”
OOC: With @HarperMadi
Medical bay
"So… That's me, huh?" Aliset looked through the hologram, watching the swirling light and activity of a digitized mind simulated. One would be easily forgiven for it being an art piece, but as she flipped a switch, the colors were contained in a shell, brain shaped high resolution scan that would allow copying of her mind. A digitized, fully simulated version of herself that would serve as a baseline model for ST attempts of others of her species. She could see where the issues had lied, from the thick, solid steel skull to the trientspherical brain. She was not a medical professional. She didn't know how her body worked. But she knew the basic physics.
She knew it took an unusually long time to map her brain primarily because of its unusual structure, difficulty of access, and the fact that neither of the people doing it actually had time. She didn't have time to sit with her arm in a hemosynth tank to get DNA samples collected without breaching the blood stream. Nor for the blood and culture samples to sort out her bacterial ecosystem. Not that she knew if a new body was even under construction. "By the way, the retrainer's willing to accept my hand translation of the book. He and I agree a lot was lost in the digital translation. He's willing to bump me a full letter for it. Not enough to pass if I don't make a C+ or better. So basically easy B or better."
"Good to hear," one of the nurses spoke. "And yes. That's you. Every memory, thought, emotion, every brain structure, all of it. We actually got a little creative and had the basic structure modelled based on the DNA we gathered. And that let us reformat our scans. Your skull isn't easy to scan through, but we think we have it. It shows stable, and the simulation's showing it's an almost exact match."
"Almost?" Aliset's brow furrowed as she looked back at the Nekovalkyrja.
Sacre nodded to the nurse to have her explain.
"There are certain laws in place, both yours and ours that prevent us from making absolutely certain. And with the way your brain's structured, we're kind of in uncharted territory. Plus skirting the law enough with the modifications you and our CMO wanted. Speaking of, your species looks like it has a shockingly slow evolutionary rate. Large generational overlap and your habitats make evolutionary pressures extraordinarily low. Plus the relative immunity to viral corruption and the high radiation tolerance… It explains the nonspecieation of Senti across the sector, despite hundreds of generations separation. We're still sequencing the genome. Neither you nor I are experts in that field. I just do ST and neuroaugmentation. Which is why I wanted to talk to you. I think I have a solution for your collar," the nurse explained as she offered a soft smile. She switched the hologram to a diagram of a Senti brain with structures and segments highlighted. As she spoke, she placed her hand into the hologram, indicating specific portions.
"As you know, a human derived species tends to have a hemispherical brain. Senti have what's called a trientspherical brain. The frontal trintsphere is you. Higher reasoning, personality, conscious thought, et cetera. Kind of like the frontal cortex in a hemispherical brain. Behind that is what appears to be a complete and functional hemispherical brain, complete with its own frontal cortex. This is your subconscious, your instincts, reflexes, and, funny enough, your memories. They aren't in the forward sphere. And we picked up minor psychic resonances between the trintspheres. Like a wireless keyboard versus us Nekovalkyrja's telepathic wireless fidelity. What happened when we injected you is that we gave you the software. And then your immune system attacked the hardware. Basically shunting a standard tablet's wireless card completely unencrypted through a full sized starship's comm array with no off switch and the main power cable linked to the antenna. It's a mess. I think I have a fix for it."
To say Aliset was confused would be the understatement of a few centuries. But she nodded and smiled, pretending to understand. "Okay, what's the fix?"
"I added in a fourth, very small division of the brain. All it does is translate your thoughts to the network protocols, encrypt it, and receive to translate and return to you. It'll connect directly to your forward sphere, so no leakage, conscious thoughts only, and you can switch it on and off with a thought. It might have a few very minor side effects."
"Like?"
"Might make it harder to synchronize your ST, at least at first. And you won't be able to feel anyone's presence. But you will be able to hear the ship. And the crew. More important, and the reason you started this project, if this works, you'll represent the first generation Military Senti body. And an advancement in ST technology that will allow others of your species to survive. Just… don't wig out too hard handling your own burial steel."
“There aren’t many changes to make, not without changing your optimization parameters. Senti have pretty optimal genetic sequences for a natural race.” Sacre explained.
"So no taser hands, venom glands, or other entertaining surprises," Aliset asked with a chuckle. "I mean, I could go for the SPINE being installed ahead of the immune system."
"I'd be more worried about the kind of worlds where evolution resulted in…" the nurse gestured to Aliset vaguely, all of her. "That."
Sacre nodded, “My understanding is that we don’t know much about their homeworld, but it must have been a particularly vicious death world.” Sacre agreed with the nurse before returning to Aliset. “We can probably do stuff like that, but it changes your optimization. Consider for a moment a venom gland, do we make it so you are immune to your own venom? If so then how does that change how say the nerves are balanced? Where do we put it, and what do we have to move out of the way to put it there? None of the problems are insurmountable, but the more you are optimized for one thing, the less you are optimized for another. We can probably do a SPINE though without changing much.”
"I was kind of making a joke about what you would want to improve, but I understand. The rocket equation applies to everything, and any of those would put a strain on my metabolism that would shorten my life span. Or if it's cybernetic would have to be installed to grow with me or be removable otherwise I risk injury later in life. I get it," Aliset's smirk turned to a full grin before her confusion returned "Also death worlds don't often result in hominids, do they?"
"Abdominal sternae, fat sleeved double redundant musculature, crystalline steel bones, and hilarious bioplasticity? Either she's a deathworlder or she's as engineered as I am."
“Those are the two options. Deathworlds produce highly optimized patterns, often into a single niche. A hominid is typically a generalist. However, it’s not completely unheard of. I think it’s a deathworld because these are fairly combat oriented aspects, but Senti culture is cowardly. Whereas Nekos are perfectly fine with fighting. However, being cowardly is a survival strategy on a deathworld.” Sacre explained.
"If there's any truth to the Skydas mythology, Senti cowardice is a learned thing," Aliset corrected. "But deathworlder is a more paletable option. Even if Shuristans respond to fear with a fight."
"I've seen what happened at the Glimmergold mission. That was a mess," the nurse shrugged. "I'm gonna go plug this into our files."
"I was terrified."
Sacre nodded, “I don’t think most people appreciate how much of a risk it was.”
"I mean, I was kinda operating by instinct. Just like at Gashmere. And most of my bombing missions. It was… instinct and reaction. I wasn't thinking, much. And I know I'm not alone. Skydasir like me tend to be faster, more reactionary, less precise, and more ready to just act. We also learn faster. Something about neuroplasticity? I don't know, it's not my strong suit. I just know the myths say that we're descended from the survivors of Wrath's war." Aliset gave a shrug, sitting down on the table. "I think it's a silly myth. But I was watching the Fireplace fleet responses. And I know I'm not the only one in my species that just responds like that."
“I’m pretty sure we’ll be arguing about the origins of your species for a long time. If we knew for a fact that the myths of originating in a war were true, then that would be pretty good evidence that your species is an engineered one, like Nekos.” Sacre agreed.
"I mean, that's if those myths are true, or the myths from before then. Mythology wasn't my strong suit, though. Still. I wanted you to have more freedom over my new body if I need one. Your design. Completely. I have no idea where to start, and you have the expertise. Also looks. Because you have a better idea of what makes me pretty to you. But can I keep the dents in my ribs?" She turned slightly to look at Sacre and smile. "Plus any extras. Is this okay?"
“You can keep the dent in your ribs, but the one in your hip is coming out.” Sacre took a breath, “I’m probably not going to be very experimental on you, because doing this at all is an experiment. I want to make sure we have the basics down before we start adding a lot of stuff.” She explained.
"I understand," Aliset nodded, reaching to take one of Sacre's hands. "I trust you. Don't be surprised if the new body comes out skinny. Less bust and hips. And none of the cuspid growth. That's a side effect of years of crappy diet. And the body fat is mostly remnants from recovery from that hip dent. If you want to keep that, I have no objections. Don't get me wrong, this scares me. But I'm ready when you are."
Sacre’s hand darted away like a scared fish, but returned and took Aliset’s hand. “I’ve covered every contingency I could think of. I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought it would put you at too much of a risk.” Sacre paused, considering. “We can do it now. If you want.”
Offering a soft smile, Aliset nodded, choosing to finish the sentiment with a small joke. "It's your call. Do you have a spare body ready or am I gonna have to live as a Neko long enough to figure out if it worked?"
“While I think you would make a very cute Neko, that’s our abort option. We are going to pull you out of your original body, then move you into your new one. If something goes wrong, it’s going to be easier to put you back into your old body than into a Neko one. But it is an option if things aren’t working out right.” Sacre explained.
"So you do have a spare ready? Is it because my brain's weird shaped? I mean, I know the risks. I'm the first of my species to go through this… Let's make history. And hope it doesn't take true love's kiss to break that sleeping spell. But I'd rather we have the original as a backup. In stead of putting this off until it has to be done. If we do this now, we have a better and safer abort option. If we wait for me to get myself shot, then we don't. Let's do this. Your way. With the safety net."
Sacre leaned down and planted a kiss on Aliset’s head. “The good news is that we have a large supply of those.” She slid over to a bed with a backup device attached to it. “Lay down here, and I’ll put the helmet on, then we’ll move you into the computer system for the transfer. You’ll close your eyes, and hopefully wake up in a new body.”
Sliding off the table, Aliset undressed, knowing she would need her uniform in the new body. She left this folded neatly on the table. Still, she followed to do as she was told, reminding herself to breathe as she offered Sacre another smile and a thumbs up. "Want me to turn off the collar or will that cause any wigginess in the helmet?"
“The collar should come off, it’s a weird structure in your brain, so we don’t want the interference.” Sacre explained as Aliset let her hand caress her neck and deactivate the collar.
"I love you. See you in a bit."
Aliset felt a slight shock, and then her consciousness was suspended as it was transferred into the computer. Her eyes closed and her body’s breathing became even as it entered a vegetative state. Sacre’s fingers lingered on her skin for a moment, then she pulled the sheet up to cover what was now a spare body. She moved over to the locker where they kept the experimental body and pulled it out of the tray. With some help from the nurse, she moved it over to a bed across the medbay from the old body.
She checked Aliset’s pattern in the computer, making sure that everything was correct and they would be able to transfer. She double checked, wanting to be certain and then committed a copy as Aliset’s official backup. She lowered the transfer helmet to the new bodies head. She took a breath and pressed a button.
She glanced over, expecting Aliset to wake up immediately. She checked the readouts, everything seemed fine. There wasn’t anything preventing her from waking up. Sacre frowned, taking a gamma fork to verify the installation and then deleting it. Everything was as it should be. Sacre tried to think through the problem, but wasn’t sure what the issue was. She glided over to the new body, caressing a lock of hair that had gotten out of place back to where it was supposed to be. Then on an impulse, leaned down and kissed Aliset on the lips.
Aliset, herself, had felt… something. She wasn't sure there were words for the sensation, feeling her mind split, separated from her memories and instincts, she had wondered if that's all she was, even after it was explained to her. Until a pinging struck her from somewhere, a thought, the memory of Sacre's smell and then sensation, lips on her own. It took a couple of moments for her to ride out the wave of sensations and the uncanny feeling of her own heart skipping a beat before a hand closed. As though testing her own control before she reached up, finding Sacre's hand as though on instinct. Her head moved, bumping against Sacre's forehead with a soft humming sound. If, raspy and slow as muscles used for the first time relearned how to speak. "Did it work?"
“It did, welcome to your new home.” Sacre said, a rare smile breaking her face.
"It's all stiff…" Ali's voice trailed off as she finally opened her eyes, the blinding light fading as she focused on Sacre. “Sudehy Pakymopė, šeuc sudanc šobcahy myesehy šeą teahą, mehgei zą sydode geagjeahą cagihtę.”
Just as she had spoken, the same words in their bath and Sacre's last shed. And the new body, new eyes, had never been through what Aliset had, never built up that crust of iron oxide that had covered and corrupted the green-blue iridescence. Her tongue probed her mouth for a moment, finding a lack of those rock breaking fangs. "My body feels weird. Better. But weird. I may need a bit to figure out how to move again. New body, no muscle memory. Like a hangover from Hell. Nothing you can't kiss better," she offered a dorky grin.
Sacre looked Aliset over, trying to assess if everything had gone right with the transition.
"I'm sorry if I scared you."
Sacre popped back out of medical mode, her bedside manner was terrible, even with her fiance. Sacre took her hand and gave it a kiss. “The Nekos say it’s like driving a new shuttle. You already know how to drive a shuttle, but sometimes things aren’t exactly where you expected. If this works out, you don’t have to worry too much about death anymore.” She said, there was a bittersweet note in her voice.
"To be fair, the Nekos have user manuals and software updates. I have… Well, I'm not doing this for me. It is not a pleasant feeling," Aliset gave a soft grunt as she finally rolled to one side and pushed herself up to a sitting position. "Any immortality I gain from this, I am not keeping. Only as long as you and Mari are also still around. Cause I know you opted out. So I'm gonna grow old with you. Sorry. For the first time in months, no brain fog… Except the noise of every intranet capable device on the ship. And a very powerful entity poking at the back of my mind. Is that the Megami?"
“Probably, Megami wants into everything. I just want into your pants.” Sacre said.
"I'm not wearing any. Neither are you," Aliset's snappy response came with her tongue displayed playfully.
“I do have your hymen on the list of things we need to break in…” Sacre took a breath, Aliset had a way of breaking Sacre out of her usual detached routine. Going back to her doctor mode, she continued. “But that comes later. How are you doing with your motor control? Start with your feet and move upwards.”
"Feeling's a little staticky, but…" Aliset looked downwards, rotating her ankles and wiggling her toes. Moving up, she seemed to try flexing and moving every piece individually before trying to move her legs as a pair. "Still trying to figure out my orientation. Hip feels weird. Is it supposed to bend like that?"
“You no longer have a huge dent in them, although I managed to figure out how to keep the rib dent so that it doesn’t impinge on any organs. So yes, that is the normal range of motion.” Sacre said, taking a tool with what looked like a short fishing line on the end. She touched it to Aliset’s feet, “can you feel that?”
"Yeah," she nodded, moving each foot away as it was touched. "I feel it. What is that?"
“Nerve test, make sure you have feeling in each foot. Ok, let’s sit up and see how your balance changes. You might need to lay down again, as your inertial system doesn’t have the reference points yet.” Sacre said.
Rolling to her feet, Aliset felt her feet hit the ground, before she felt her foot roll to one side, gravity dragging her to one side as a hand instinctively reached out for a handhold and finding nothing. "Nope."
Aliset gave a sharp twist, planting her hands on the table and gripping firmly to arrest her fall. "Okay. I am not flat on my face."
Sacre looked at Aliset like she was stupid. “Nor are you seated. Instructions seem to slip your mind like a slimy canoe down a bobsled track.” Sacre said with mild annoyance.
"I miscalculated, I'm sorry!" Aliset gave a whine like a toddler as she moved about at the same pace, carefully placing her hands before turning around and planting her butt against the bed. Locking her knees, she shakily took her hands off the rails and offered a wide grin.
"Look, doc, no-- wuluahk!" With a squeak, a squall of surprise, and a clatter, Aliset found herself firmly seated on the deck, looking up far further towards her annoyed fiance.
“Have you ever considered a career in entertainment? Your ‘I’ll do anything for attention, even hurting myself’ would fit right in. So would your impulse control of a squirrel on speed.” Sacre said, scooping Aliset up in her arms and tail to set her back on the table.
"My voice is terrible," Aliset responded. She would not deny the assistance, and relaxed into letting Sacre lift her.
"And clearly I am no dancer, so while I've considered it, that career would crash and burn faster than me running for the Shuristan governor's office." With a soft push of her mind, Aliset figured out how to turn off the nagging sensations of the Koun's networks so she could focus on learning how to not wind up as the fourth stooge. "But if you want to dress me in glitter and sparkles, I won't say no."
“There is this one dress I saw that was very shiny and glittery, I could take that off you.” Sacre said, checking Aliset over that the new body wasn’t damaged by the fall.
No damage aside a bruised ego seemed to show, and even then as Aliset's brain reached out in ways it couldn't with the collar, she found herself feeling more energetic and clearheaded than usual. "Oh? What are you thinking, some little mini skirted transparent thing I'm too busty for? Or did I not keep my boobs?"
Looking down, Aliset hefted one, considering her body's shape and balance as she made the conscious effort to remember how gravity affected her and absently wondering if she would need to go through the year long ordeal of acclimating again. But this time she was around people that had grown up in such conditions. Maybe she would need to reacclimate to null grav. "Nope. Still got 'em. So. Describe this dress for me? Should I wear that lace you like with it or is it more something to be nude under?"
“So it’s this scale mail sort of thing, little diamonds in iridescent colors that conform to the shape of your body. I think the linkages between the diamonds might shrink or grow slightly to keep it slinky. I think something black might work for contrast. Hmm, I wonder if they could be semi-transparent.” Sacre said, taking each of Aliset’s arms and checking for range of motion. She wrapped her arms around Aliset in a hug, “Ok, let’s lay you down.” She said, being perhaps a bit more intimate than necessary.
Feeling herself moved around like this, Aliset found herself impressed with Sacre's skill at building bodies, her first attempt at a new species having come out better than her original form. She gave a nod and a smile, squeezing Sacre in her hug before shifting herself to lay down. "Yeah. I'll be good. That dress sounds so pretty. If it's translucent, I'll probably get a a new set to go with it. So what's left?"
“Sit you up again, make sure your sense of balance is back. Walk around a bit, then we’ll have a small drone keep you in observation, make sure nothing goes too horribly wrong. I have to figure out how I can adjust things so the balance issue doesn’t happen next time.” Sacre explained. Cuddling with Aliset for several moments before they would have her sit up again.
Nodding, Aliset let Sacre move first before she clenched her core and sat up carefully. "It's… You know most Senti don't have gravity. It took me more than a year to acclimate and build the muscle memory to move right. Whatever you need to do to figure it out. Are you okay working on my spare body or would you rather build another spare? And do I need to be worried about viral or nanomachine infections right now?"
“Your muscle memory should come back faster this time. I thought I designed it so we could port directly, but I probably missed something. I’ve installed your symbiotes, a variation I’ve been working on that has more compatible IFF. I don’t know if they will work or not though.” Sacre said, “Ok, so turn your head back and forth, up and down. Do you have any nausea or vertigo?”
"Nothing unusual. Little bit of wigginess. Senses are clearing up," she considered the modified symbiote colony. It was a risk, certainly, but one that would have needed to be taken. "Maybe we can use a nanomachine infection to help with natural selection. Antibiotic payload to destroy any examples that the markers don't work with? Unless that's exactly what you did alongside your penchant for gene editing? I dunno. Still, kinda hung up on what you said, you… you fixed my hips. So… So I'm not in danger if something happens?"
“Not unless you find a shuttle to drop on yourself.”
"You know that won't be hard. Between Captain Belmont's driving and the ship I own, I'm surprised I haven't been run over like a college girl meeting truck-kun."
“Unless Truck-kun is taking both of us on some wild fantasy adventure, I’m going to veto you two having a meet up.”
"To be fair, there are a lot of things I have to accept are fantastical, even if they're normal for others." She gave a soft shrug, chuckling as she interwove her fingers behind her head. "And if I want to be put in my place and unable to walk, all I need is two words and a tone. Some silly truck won't be able."
“Right, so let’s get you standing.” Sacre said, taking Aliset’s hands in hers so she could lean on the tall lanky Separa’Shan if she needed to.
"Right." Giving the hands a squeeze, Aliset stood, far more carefully than the last time. She made sure to feel out her balance and her brows furrowed as she set that thought into the back of her mind, let it be automatic, second nature till it falls fully into place. "Thank you. I know this was scary, and probably a little touch and go, but I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled this off. I love you, hero. Can I have my clothes back, now?"
Sacre gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I enjoy seeing you naked, but I'm also a jealous bitch. So yes."
Aliset's head tilted as her brows furrowed. That, and the stiffness of her shoulders the only outward indications of the conflicting, stinging emotions at that comment, aside the sharp change in Aliset's scent. From her normal stressed neutral to a hot flash of hurt and anger, even touches of fear as she processed the words and the implications. Then came a small, subtle scent Sacre would recognize as the eureka moment of realization as Aliset's thought leaked into her facial expressions. "I mean… I-- It's cold in here."
I've spoken so poorly for so long she actually believes why I was angry was the standard. Moving over to her uniform, she began to dress as she spoke, turning her face away. "I mean, I know my species is more often focused on demonstrated skill and talent as an attraction base, but there is a physical aspect, I suppose. I know I'm not the most beautiful of my species, and have a hard time finding those of my kind that are able to look past my general shape when first meeting me. So from a cultural aspect, it's hard to imagine dressing daringly in public. Especially in so cold an environment. I dunno. I'm pretty average, though. From a skillset and behavior standpoint, anyway. Nothing special."
Sacre sensed she had said something wrong, but didn’t know what. “There are a lot of ways that people are attracted to each other. I’m not attracted to you because you can fly a ship well, or because you have a hot body, or whatever. I like you because of your spirit, your attitude, your happiness to jump into a challenge, your…” Sacre grasped her hand to show she was looking for a word, “Aliveness. You could be transferred into a misshu body and I’ll still love you, because that’s not what matters to me. But it is the part that doesn’t get shared outside of your lovers.”
Sacre took a breath and reached out for Aliset. “Because you matter to me, I want to protect you, to have you for myself. We are both poly, so I know I won’t be the only one with you, nor you the only one to have me. But, I have to admit some reluctance to it. I don’t think it comes from my culture, but from my own perspective. I’ve been shared around like a basketball, and well, that doesn’t fit me. I don’t want my relationship to be diluted and shared around like a drop of water in the ocean so you can’t even tell it really exists. I want something real, something special, between you and me. The more it’s shared, the less it’s special. So I don’t want to share the beauty of your naked body around more than I have to because that’s the part no one outside of your circle gets.”
Sacre sighed, “I hope that makes sense.”
"Sort of?" The questions died in her throat as she considered Sacre's statements. "It makes sense. I'm not used to how powerful other cultures' jealousy can be, I suppose. When I was a girl, everything around me, everything of my family's is living burial steel. It's not something we own or possess. It's something we care for, entrust each other with. And we treat our living the same way. I know you've read the briefings, even seen the family structures in person. Despite where I was, that kind of collaborative poly is the only way I know how. Sexuality is a very small part of that process."
Turning to face Sacre, she spoke slowly, as though focusing on finding the right words and knowing how little was actually coming through in Yamataigo. But also knowing she didn't speak Trade or Essian well enough to do more than simple broken communication, and Shuristan's information density and aspects made it difficult to learn for even Nekovalkyrja. "You are gorgeous. Graceful and powerful. You defend yourself, your team, and your crew with the same ferocity as you would me. You lead well, your skill is… What is word…. Fuck it. Point. You make everyone lucky to know you. It is hard to translate, and none of this translates well. But sex is a very small part. Our bodies are a very, very small part of a relationship. And my body is not considered beautiful by most Senti. I've made why clear before."
She paused, thinking through her next words and thoughts, piecing it together in her mind. "I understand the trauma. I hate what happened to you and I want to help you heal. I don't have words for any of this and it's hard to explain. Like Yamataigo has like what, eight words for… Flavors? Flavors of love. Shuristan has twenty. Not counting tones. Not counting on the fly complexities. So sorry if this sounds like a completely incoherent stream of word vomit. I was attracted by your expertise and your collectedness in chaos. Ambition and drive. Then talking and I saw… felt… Something. I dunno. But I wasn't sure. Not till I saw how you saved Marigold. That's when I decided to marry you. I know it sounds weird. I know I must sound like a crazy person. I'm dead roads average for my culture, just happen to have had four people, all of whom outside my species think me physically pretty. And yeah, right now you and Say are the only ones I want to share that with right now. Only ones I can. Please feel free to limp kitten me before this gets too garbled."
Sacre nodded, "I love you, I love being left alone, I love Alastair. But I don't love them all in the same way. When I say I love Alastair, I mean that he is a friend and brother in arms. Even if he is a melon headed idiot. When I say I love being left alone, it means that I enjoy it. When I say I love you, I mean that I have a passion for you. That I want what is best for you, love having you in my life, desire your attention, and I want to be your partner in this crazy universe. None of those are the same thing even if we use the same word for them and they can overlap and make talking about our feelings complicated and hard."
"I think what makes all of us non Senti so jealous is that there is some limited resource, like attention or time or whatever that's worth fighting for. So when I say that I'm a jealous bitch, what I mean is that you bring hope and light into my life, and I'm willing to fight for it. I probably messed up the explanation somewhere, but that's at the core of it." Sacre explained.
With a deep breath, Aliset sought Sacre's eyes, locking them into her gaze. "Water is more limited. I love you as a healer and a defender. Sayako is wise, her reason and heart are precious to me. Koun is home. Her crew is my sisters. Her fleet is my neighborhood. I know it doesn't translate well. But coming to a new ship, the instinct, the overwhelming urges and hormones tell me to build a familial network and to find suitable mates to support and protect me. It sounds weird. But love isn't some limited resource, only our ability and energy to act on it. I don't know how else to explain it."
She gave a shrug, looking down and to the side as the thoughts just kept piling up. "The self is nothing without the family. The family nothing without the community. Larger and larger. And my family doesn't end at some imaginary limit between species or worlds of birth. Just as the Shuristan word for warrior is the same as the word for victim. It's more complicated than that. And too simple to properly explain. Does this make any sense? At all? Like this is like fifteen minutes after a huge history making medical procedure, so I'm sorry if I'm more careful than normal."
Sacre shook her head, “I don’t know if I believe that we are nothing without family. It was only after I was separated from them and completely alone that I came to know myself. I’ve also been victim and warrior, and using the same word seems… wrong somehow. Like they don’t understand it. But we value different things, we feel drawn to different things. Because we are different and that’s a part of what makes us beautiful. This isn’t just a big moment in medical history, this is also a big moment in both of our lives. So talking about how our lives intertwine and change matters too.”
"That makes sense," Aliset gave a soft groan, rubbing at her temples as she leaned against the table. "So for a survival and cultural thing, Senti are deep space nomads. Our natural environment is a little more delicate than a planet or huge multiplanetary government. I mean, yeah, we have inane levels of redundancy, but it's complex social structures, hive mindset, and communitive duty that's hammered into us. Any positive, no matter how tiny in the short term offers the entire community growth and prosperity. The tiniest evil, no matter how small, puts everyone at risk. When we put that lense on it, the soldier and the victim have the same strength to survive where they have no choice. I know it's not the same. Not in Yamataian culture. Here we volunteer. Anywhere else, my species has to see no other choice."
Shaking her head, she gave a soft laugh. "Fair warning, my species isn't known for unsolicited photos. I think the closest equivalent would be resumes. An advance like this, careful. You could find yourself up to the armpits in suitors."
“I’d say ‘I was just doing my job’, but I suspect all that would do is bury me completely.” Sacre mused.
"Yup. Remember how I said not only that I'm average, but that I and most Senti are wired to find achievement and demonstrated skill to be… I don't want to call it sexy, but it's kinda sexy. So yeah. Be warned about that. I know my culture's fuckin' weird. Like weird ass funny looking xenos." Another shrug as she offered a smile. "Point being, you're right. Our cultures value and are attracted to different things. Like what about your species? Like what do you find instinctively attractive? Other than the fact that I'm warm?"
Sacre nodded, “Much as I’ve had to be an endless well of Separa’Shan facts, in a lot of ways I’m not. For example, Separa’Shan often sun on rocks close together, touching, and crawling over each other as needed to get to where there is an interesting conversation, or a bit more sunlight. I haven’t done that since I left Essia. Despite that, we are very… independent. We hunt on our own more often than not. We don’t believe in top down control like the empire. We believe in providing options, and letting the person choose. It probably helps that this is also close to how we hunt. We wait and spring a trap. … I never really put those two things together. A healthy Separa’Shan is more… energetic than one that isn’t healthy. So what you look for in a mate is someone who has more energy, more movement, as that means they are healthier. But we aren’t primarily visual, we mainly go off of scent and pheromones. So… well… you smell nice. … It’s more complex than that, but what is sexy to us? To me? Well, it’s bringing an energy to the room.” Sacre shrugged.
"Kay. So just so you know, none of that was in the species briefing. I had no idea that my being bouncy, bouncy, and smelling nice were the thing," offering a small joke, she bounced her chest once.
"But I get it. From what I have been able to find, it makes sense. Cause you said you're more wired to navigate and identify by smell, like I am by touch. Or how you have a highly advanced pheromonal system and I can feel inertia and rotational forces. Also that sunbathing date we had, would you like to do that again? Cause that was really nice. Even if it was a chaotic gremlin informorphic friend of mine's idea."
Sacre’s eyes were drawn to Alisets bouncing assets. “Yes, I’d like that.”
OOC: With @HarperMadi
