Star Army
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Approved Character Zeta Five
- Thread starter ShotJon
- Start date
Okay, let's get started.
First, needs some serious spell checking and grammar checking.
Examples
She si caucasian
succesfull bussines man
profesionall
Zeta suddenly alone firtly didn't know waht to do.
Occassionally you mispelled the character name as Zate instead of Zeta
What Organization and Occupation is this character intended for? This affects things like standard issue, rank, salary.
Skills are a bit bare boned, but since you haven't said what organization she belongs to I can't say if they fit the norm.
This character is pending approval.
First, needs some serious spell checking and grammar checking.
Examples
She si caucasian
succesfull bussines man
profesionall
Zeta suddenly alone firtly didn't know waht to do.
Occassionally you mispelled the character name as Zate instead of Zeta
What Organization and Occupation is this character intended for? This affects things like standard issue, rank, salary.
Skills are a bit bare boned, but since you haven't said what organization she belongs to I can't say if they fit the norm.
This character is pending approval.
Aendri
Inactive Member
ShotJon, you might want to download Firefox. It'll automatically spellcheck everything you type for you. I'm noticing some basic errors in spelling, and it would probably help you a lot. If nothing else, you can always run stuff through Microsoft Word before you post it, as that'll do the same thing.
but thanks for Idea with word, I have Open Office which is practically the same, but I will start using it from now on. Thank you.
At first, I took a look at the major statistics near the top, and the first things that hit me were: "13 years old, C cup" and I was initially like: "Whaa?!"
But, as I read further down into the bio, I realised she was a clone. If she is a clone: How old does she look?
On History, there's a "Josep" at the start, but it's an interesting character history. Maybe we'll see Gamma and Beta further down the line? My only problem with it is that it needs to be divided with a double-line in the middle, to make reading easier.
On Skills, they're brief, but they do what they say on the label. A few typos, though, such as:
Fighting: "She is good marksman" should say "She is a good marksman"
Physical: "She likes running and being in move." should say "She likes running and being on the move."
I understand that English is not your first language, so I'm willing to make admissions for your typos. English is not an easy language to learn.
All in all, good character concept. Just fix the typos and you've got my green light.
But, as I read further down into the bio, I realised she was a clone. If she is a clone: How old does she look?
On History, there's a "Josep" at the start, but it's an interesting character history. Maybe we'll see Gamma and Beta further down the line? My only problem with it is that it needs to be divided with a double-line in the middle, to make reading easier.
On Skills, they're brief, but they do what they say on the label. A few typos, though, such as:
Fighting: "She is good marksman" should say "She is a good marksman"
Physical: "She likes running and being in move." should say "She likes running and being on the move."
I understand that English is not your first language, so I'm willing to make admissions for your typos. English is not an easy language to learn.
All in all, good character concept. Just fix the typos and you've got my green light.
