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Approved Character Zyv Rakowski

LitD

LitD

Inactive Member
Zyv up for judgment.

Out of curiosity would it be possible to replace the axe with a shovel? Just thought that a short handled shovel can be used to do everything an axe does and more which would make it more practical...

PS: Odd style of writing perhaps but I ended up writing it as if it were a bureaucrat finishing a file and licked the effect. If theres a problem I'll change to a more conventional method.
 
Complete sentences are preferred (as noted on the template form). I looked over the biography and it seemed okay to me. I fixed the broken image link (and added anonymous art).

I'd like input from Sigma (4th Fleet GM) if possible before approving. I'll give it a day for that to happen. In the meantime, you should create a basic user article for yourself.

Are you aware that Zyv's inventory has a bikini top in it?
 
Underweight. Basic appearance is that of a set of limbs attached to a short torso. Muscles well built but no impressive in size.
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I've an issue with this. If he's underweight, how can he have well-built muscles? And how (or why) was this not rectified by Boot Camp? The man had to undergo basic military training where he got three meals a day. If he was almost underweight, they would have done something about it medically.

Delsaurian accent
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I'm not sure what that's supposed to sound like. Was not even aware distinctions in speech patterns were made by planetary accents. Please clarify your intentions.

You also need to change starting funds from 3000KS to 6000DA.

I don't know how keen I am on the "report-style" wording in the wiki article. They sound more like In-Character assessments made by someone (whose accuracy cannot be verified) rather than an unbiased biography meant for GM use.
 
In reference to the weight Sigma, I can tell you now that it is possible because I manage to pull it off every day. I weight around 130lbs (which is considered right around the underweight line for my height), yet I can score above 250s on my APFT and my Sergeant doesn't have a problem with it as long as it doesn't get in the way.
 
Then it needs to be clarified in a way that does not confuse a reader. I usually ignore the mass to height ratio and read what is written. The description, as is, needs to be changed.

Gabriel, you may at the borderline but you're not listed as underweight. This fellow is listed as such and, as a GM, the text must supercede the numbers. The first mention is specifically that he's underweight, then the second instance is that he's close to being underweight.

Consistency in the wording is lacking for me to get an accurate picture of how medically fit this person is.
 
Right; first off the list changed the style from IC assessment to OOC information. Also attempted to clear out stupid mistakes and consistency issues.

Weight to height issue. The man is meant to be borderline healthy weight/underweight and as Gabriel noted currently existing armed forces are willing to overlook such deficiencies, so long as it doesn't get in the way of doing your job. The goal was that the lack of mass along with other things was to make the character appear on the not too impressive side.

Delsaurian accent: Basically I thought it would be IC for a colony to develop a different manner of speech, different climate, different people not always up to date with changes elsewhere and, in Delsauria's case, dealing with an indigenous population. I wasn't really thinking of it being more than his vowels coming out more clipped or drawn out or the consonants being firmer/softer than in the basic language.
If its a problem I can always remove that bit.

Wes said:
Are you aware that Zyv's inventory has a bikini top in it?
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That bikini top along with the rest of the female swimsuits are trophies from a risky but brilliantly planned and executed operation to liberate aforementioned garments from the clutches of the female personnel.

Truthfully, it seems It was one of many mistakes and has been corrected.

But while on the subject of clothing shouldn't the workout outfit include shoes of some sort? Or is assumed Marines workout in standard issue boots/purchase their own footwear?
 
Much easier to read in this new format. Thanks.

I'm hesitant to approve of it but it's your character. In the same section, I do want to ask - what is standard Caucasian skin? After all, it's kind of dependent on where you are. I'm in California where the standard white American's skin is a more tanned color. But then, I'm also Chinese so I don't really make much distinction between the Caucasian skin colors.

Delsauria is a Nepleslian Core World, not really a colony. From my understanding, the aboriginal Delsaurians pose no threat to planetary peace. I'm going to need to defer to the FM to see if Delsauria has a unique accent specific to people who grew up there. So far, the differentiations have mostly been social class, upbringing, and rural vs urban rather than planetary. The "colonies" are the places "west" of Nepleslia Prime, if you look at the Star Map. All of those PI-labeled systems.

But while on the subject of clothing shouldn't the workout outfit include shoes of some sort? Or is assumed Marines workout in standard issue boots/purchase their own footwear?
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Real men train naked, without shoes!
 
"Standard" Caucasian is that magical mix of white, pink and other colors that don't provoke comments about how tanned or pale you appear.
Shall I drop it and just leave "light" or "pale" to describe skin tone?

If its such a problem I'll drop the issue of accent completely.

Sigma said:
Real men train naked, without shoes!
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Naturally. But from time to time you get sick and tired of digging out all that glass, needles and other junk that dig into your feet...
 
I would like to mention that till that caucasian skin colour is caucassian. Chars has been approved with just caucassian colour before. As for accent I would like to not that even in Czech Republic we have different accents. There are even slightly different accents in different towns. It is easy to assume with help of good old anthroplogy that Delsauria would most likely had accent of its own. Not to mention that that does not really has to have impact on how LitD will write, because it can only be pronouncied a little differently.
 
ShotJon said:
As for accent I would like to not that even in Czech Republic we have different accents. There are even slightly different accents in different towns.
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Its pretty much the same wherever I have been with special mention going to the UK. Going to a neighboring village (or district in cities) yield a sharp change in the accent used and talking with someone from a different region sometimes resembles talking to a foreigner using his native tongue. And thats without the added bonus of the Scots, Irish and Welsh having their own versions of English...
 
Deciding whether there exist planetary accents (and what they may sound like) is not in my purview. That's something I'm waiting for Kokuten to respond to
 
I don't see much wrong with the character. An accent shouldn't be any big deal. We're talking about a planet here. I'm sure Delsaurians all have their own accents.
 
When I first saw this I thought it meant he talked like actual Delsaurians (the native lizard guys).

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