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Shattered Shell

Seiren sat at the Shattered Shell, an odd cafe in Funky City with a story behind the name, which the author decided not to go into detail about because that would take up a small novel. On a related note, the drink he was having was called a “Wild Kohanian.” Seiren didn't really want to think of how the drink got its name.

The Shattered Shell is a semi-famous cafe located in one of the 'nicer' areas of Funky City's Quais Area. The Cafe is known for its rare low price high quality and an emphasis on interior motif reminiscent of what was fashionable around a century ago on Nepleslia (with lots of polished wood, brass and 'upmarket' styling) which extends into the elaborate maid and waiter aesthetic of the clerks.

In spite of this, the Shattered Shell is famous for a very relaxed atmosphere where almost anything goes short of coitus and murder - as well as a cook who enjoys preparing unusual dishes from description alone and a bartender with a rare knowledge of cocktails from throughout known space.

It largely appeals to Nepleslia's nostalgia for better times.

The Premiere Thread

The Story Behind the Shell

Brother = Chef - Hans = Stout and burly. Not short enough to need a stepstool everywhere, though.

Sister = Bartender - Clarise = A little chubby, very tall. Just barely clears doorways.

“It was my dad's place and the only way to keep it open after he died since he defaulted on the loan was to register us as a couple, even though we're siblings. I mean, we don't do anything - that'd be gross - but yeah, we are legally married. Its a sort of gentleman's agreement everyone knows about.”

Briefly, the sister operated a flotilla bar, called “The Barge” - a bar on the water using the guts of an old canal boat on Yamatai but when business at home wasn't going well, she departed - leaving “The Barge” to be run by a close friend.

Meanwhile, her brother operated a similarly failed enterprise in Prime City, though he was head chef but not the owner of the joint. The place was some neo-yamataian fusion place with very little originality and an idealist boss who was as flighty as a finch in spring. Hans left after the menu changed for the twentieth time.

The place used to be called the “The Hermit's reverie” - a nice quiet place to get away from the hustle and bustle of the world - but after the twins took over they renamed it several times before settling on a name that was dear to them in a nod to their father's legacy. They ran into many financial problems along the way, unfortunately. Their father's enterprise, which was a nice place but hardly profitable, had sunken him deep in debt, and the twins inherited that.

Clarise now runs the restaurant half of the Shattered Shell, while the brother does the bulk of the work with the patrons in the bar. Both sides share popularity, but it varies depending on the time of day.

  • Function room
  • Upstairs/balcony for those who want to avoid the noise downstairs)
  • Tip Jar that has two halves, each voting for a different thing. Totals get tallied each week and the thing that wins shown above.
  • And a jukebox. Its common practice for patrons to copy music off their devices onto the jukebox, so it has a surprisingly vast library.


The Shattered Shell has numerous mixed drinks to choose from, but serves the standard assortment of alcohol and juice as well. They happen to also mix things on request, and if the mixture is popular enough, it becomes a standard on the board.

Kohanian Passion

A cinnamon cherry rum. Its name came around when a Kohanian ordered it, then immediately began trying to molest other patrons of the bar. Needless to say, its quite popular.

Wild Kohanian

A sort of Vodka mixed with a bit of chile extract in order to make it extremely spicy, among other things. It earned its current name due to an occassion where a Kohanian ingested it and started several brawls at the same time. With the tables. Again, very popular.

Ants in Pants

We're not actually sure what madman thought of this. Probably Hobo Stan who lives around the area. It consists of vodka, pickle juice, pineapple juice, and gin. It is really only ingested on dares by foolish off-duty soldiers and daredevils.

Duq Duq Goose

A drink local to the Shattered Shell, the Duq Duq Goose is named after the famous Lorath/Elysian pornographic feature-film of the same name. A Duq Duq Goose is essentially a twist on the Bloody Mary, containing ground duqs and duq'closs in place of the tomato. It is known for its high opiate content and aphrodisiac properties.


A simple drink consisting of several fruit juices that are partially frozen like a smoothie.Each one is layered or swirled in, so it is rather colourful and pretty. Generally, food colour is added to the paler juices so it looks more flambouyant. Non-alcoholic.

The Fortuneteller

Possibly the strongest drink they have without being poisonous, this fabled concoction is actually one of the few non-mixed drinks they serve. It's made using a special family secret of fermenting, and is said to allow people to see the future. This, of course, is a lie, and all the consumers will see is stars.

The Ketsuri Hanako

An unusual combination of sweet two parts Chateau Hanako's “Original Red” to one part Star Army Sake shaken with ice and a half a squeezed lime and blueberry juice - the two sitting on different layers and blurring to form the same signiature colouration seen in Hanako's own hair . Known to be unexpectedly sweet, despite the ingredients going on.

Aikawa Ayumu (Formerly the Slutty Hanako)

A twist on the Hanako, an Aikawa Ayumu (named after the Hanako impersonator and adult actress of the same name) begins with equal parts vodka to Star Army Sake shaken well over ice. The combination is then added in one parts to two parts Cheateau Hanako's “Original Red”. Half a lime is crushed and blended into the mixture. The mixture is shaken well over ice, then poured through s trainer over ice made cloudy with a teaspoon of a sweet Duq'closs derived Lorath Wine - and blueberry and lemon added - ever so slightly marring the color.

The drink is deceptively sweet (despite its greater alcohol content) and is usually very hard to tell in flavor from an original Hanako, with only very subtle differences but appreciable. Many prefer the Aikawa Ayumi over the Ketsuri Hanako.


A strong microbrew of hops, barley, soya and fermented mushrooms - served mostly to members of space-navies (who receive a discount). Known for its love-hate after-taste which reminds those served a Flotilla how many they've had, since it builds up with each drink - becoming detestable around twelve pints. Usually at this point, the remaining half of the discount coupon is spent on cheap opiates (usually duqs, since they're in surplus) and a hearty steak dinner.

Old Faithful

A drink that never gets old. A 12 or 18 old whiskey, without a real name. It is possibly concocted by the Shattered Shell itself, but the rumor remains unsubstantiated. It is a hiqh-qality Whiskey for the men of Nepleslia with fine taste. With each glass a cigar comes free. With a bottle, a box of cigars. A favorite of any distinguished Nepleslian gentleman.


The Shattered Shell has an unusual practice of not handing out menus - preferring patrons to instead supply what they want either from memory or description directly to the chef whenever possible. The chef cooks in the open and usually converses with the patrons that sit at the food-bar - opposite the drinks bar.

Dishes are usually invented or added by patrons to the restaurant's silent menu (similar to Yamataian bars) - and those which excel are written up on chalk-boards to give patrons an impression of what variety of dishes the Shattered Shell can prepare.

The Shattered Shell has a tradition of patrons asking the chef to “surprise them”. This process usually involves the Chef conversing with the patron for around half an hour, looking upon their constitution, mood and working out what would suit their palette best based on the drinks and starters they order. This dish is usually bespoke to the patron who ordered it - and are usually named after the regulars who order them.

If the meal is unsatisfactory, it is common for the price to be refunded, though this hasn't happened in many many years despite the influx of unique customers every month - forging the Shattered Shell a keen reputation.


The Dame

Roast pork beef tenderloin slices on toasted sweet wheat-bread served with marmelade

The Dutchess

Uses the same bread as the Dame, but the bread is topped with cream cheese and caviar, served with a wine dipping sauce.

The Gentleman

Roasted garlic sirloin - house sirloin garlic marinaded into diced cubes to pick at, served with cream spinach stuffed in portabello caps. High end finger-food.


Squid calamari in a snappy pepper and dragonfruit sweet and sour sauce. Made famous by V-Day since following an attack on the docks, calamari was one of the few things that could be served in the Shattered Shell (though in a mind-numbing variety of varients) for well over two weeks until normal trade resumed, leaving an impression in the hearts of regular patrons who called it “their victory dish”. The seasonings for this dish just happened to be the most popular out of the bunch, so it stuck with their specials ever since.

Real Nepleslian Eatin'


Two stacks of Nepleslian beef patties, cheese, sundried tomato, fried red onions and a sesame seed bun , ketchup, mustard and house sauce in a fresh baked bun from the nearby bakers - complete with little cocktail stick and stuffed olive for effect. Despite its size, one of the cheapest things on the menu and a real favourite at just 6 da - actually sold at a loss to lure in new customers.

The 'What Else?'

Ah, the infamous question: “What else can you fry?”

Most restaraunts consider themselves… Too up-market. The Shattered Shell on the hand, remembers her roots. Essentially, a patron can bring almost any meal and the chef will prepare it based on her own experiences and her knowledge of the patron with a combination of flavors and vegetables to produce something bespoke - the chef enjoying her little game of preparing complex delicious foods with strange ingredients. Variants are sometimes named after the patrons who order them, or as an honor to somebody. The Pavone, The Smith and The “Moonie” are particularly popular.

The Doggywrap

Another famous house-dish, the doggywrap is a bubble-and-squeek of assorted ingredients - meats, vegetables, even fruits combined in interesting ways. Ingredients are grilled and flavored with a sweet and sour chilli flavor and wrapped in a sweet-bread tortilla pocket wrap - a sealed fajita of flavor that is as delicious cold as it is hot that doesn't make a horrible mess when eaten. Packed with flavor and cheap (growing` cheaper through the day) makes them ideal meals on the way to work or on the way back. Doggywraps usually sell like hot-cakes.

Any that remain by evening are handed out to those at the bar, complimentary of the house.

The Flying Picken

Roast chicken and sweet fried pork dicings served on a skillet with dejaun cheddar cheese stuffed portabello, in a dejaun mustard sauce and sun-dried tomatoes. Since neither chickens nor pigs can fly, the chef thought it funny to try this out after a series of unsuccessful propositions by one of the patrons.


The Nepleslian

A 7oz sirloin steak fried to rare perfection drizzled in a rich sauce of your choice. - served with potato-wedges roasted slowly in goose-fat and Parmesan cheese.

The Admiral

Prime rib - aged marinated eight ounce prime rib slow roasted in rock salt and served with dejeau and freshly graded horse-radish.


Sautee'd fresh boneless trout with bee'tea sauce draped in parsley caramelized shorts and a delicate soya gravy sauce

The Noob

Thinly pounded grilled veal chopped and stuffed with jalapenos, yellow peppers, sun-dried tomato and recattae. Quite hot without overwhelming the core flavor of the veal.

Lobster macaroni and cheese

Irel cheddar cheese, beige shrimp and diced chops of lobster served with penne pasta in a rich cream sauce. An odd thing to do with lobster but home food is good food.


Sea-scallops, avocado, diced potato and lime minuette shallow fried in brown butter in squash ravioli, served in a red wine and cream sauce. This binge-worthy meal was the favorite of one of the earlier Azorean ambassadors to the city, and later, the handful of Azorean travelers that have come around since.


Beef tenderloin, marinated with a sweet chili infusion served rare (or to your liking) topped with house sauce, salsa and crispy wedges. Similar to Andela, this was the favorite of a Kodian ambassador. However, the spicier parts of the chili were enhanced so he wouldn't eat their entire store of tenderloin in one sitting.

Hunter's Special

Boneless duck slow oven roasted in topped with champagne vinaigrette and pickled red onions. A favorite of their father's, and a nod to their earlier memories hunting with him.


Signature sirloin with garlic herb shrimp - seven oz sirloin topped with succulent shrimp in a light cream sauce


Sizzling chili chicken - grilled chicken in sweet chili sauce served with Asian style vegetables on a sizzling skillet


Like the drinks, customers can ask for their own particular taste of sandwiches to be assembled. The following are the specials that hit it big.

"The Game"

Named after the sequel to Duq Duq Goose, this particular sandwich was made to pair with their own drink of the same name. “The Game” is technically classed as a type of taco or wrap due to the cheap duq'closs bread used, infused with Nepleslian spiced meats and a chilli beef and cheese substrate filling known famously for being surprisingly solid and not disintegrating in the hands of those who eat it - making it ideal finger-food.

Shattered Shell Walker Mexus Ranger

A long sub-sandwich loaded with aged beef, seared along its exterior with a plasma torch in order to ensure the interior remains tender and sweet. The prime beef is then diced into thin cuts and briefly grilled with whiskey blend high-malt mustard and spices, to ensure the flavor is infused about the meat. The piece is then loaded with iceberg lettuce, blue cheese, salad, black olives, fried onions and pickles which serve as a body to suspend the Shattered Shell's Secret Sauce - to ensure it has somewhere to go. The entire sandwich is then wrapped over in a tortilla, doped in Nepleslian cheese-batter then flash-fried for six seconds. Optionally, the entire sandwich is then sliced into disc shaped portions resembling sushi and drizzled with a barbeque sauce. The entire sandwich comes to 138,00 calories - and if a patron can eat the entire sandwich to themselves inside an hour, they receive it for free.


While the name may convey spiciness, this order lacks too much spice, opting for being the meatiest thing on their menu. It is essentially a “Sky high and mile long hero sub,” served and layered with six kinds of traditional Nepleslian deli meat, five kinds of cheese, three sauces, and pickles. This comes on a yard-long sub roll, so generally this is only ordered by parties who aren't too choosy about their meal.


Identical to the PHOENIX MAN in almost every way but like the WALKER MEXUS, the sandwich is wrapped in a tortilla, doped in Nepleslian cheese batter and flash fried for six seconds, giving the sandwich a crunchy sleazy cheesy exterior. Optionally, the entire sandwich is then sliced into disc shaped portions resembling sushi and drizzled with a barbecue sauce - ideal for sharing among friends as a starter or casual snack.|


The PHOENIX MAN ELITE is wrapped in a WALKER MEXUS and then fried. The resulting sandwich is around the thickness of a person's waist-line - which is then topped with cheese and pizza-style toppings once more and optionally folded over and re-fried with a meat sauce akin to a calzone. Usually used for parties, functions and events with one disc per person. Popular among politicians. See also: “Taco Town”

Legend has it only one man has ever eaten a complete PHOENIX MAN ELITE XL to himself in under an hour- that man being Luca Pavone himself.

'Homestyle' Nepleslian Sushi

Similar to sushi in construction, this dish takes any of the larger sandwiches - or indeed, almost any dish on the menu and substitutes the bread or sub with a meat jelly resin with crushed blended nori. The result, while aesthetically resembling sushi, tastes completely different. Popular among foreigners and ideal finger-food.


The Patriot

Similar to a standard sundae, this is served in a boat dish with a blueberry, vanilla, and lime scoop of ice cream, topped with fudge and one tiny, gummy burger in lieu of a cherry. The gummy burger is presumably there to poke fun at Neppy's, but aside from that the three colors are there to match the Nepleslian flag. A variant on this called the “Rebel” is also served, with the lime replaced with raspberry. The “Rebel” has only been ordered three times in the history of the restaurant. Two of those times were just really unfortunate people who didn't like lime.


The Whisper is a specialized sundae introduced by a Lorath customer who refused to give her name. It comes in a special foot-deep glass that has a rather cylindrical inside, making it a very filling treat for a party of two. Fissionably mixed MARSHMALLOW FLUFF, Hot fudge, regular fudge, hot caramel, brownie crumbles, cookie chunks, cinnamon-swirled, sweet cream ice cream.

The Bypass

The Bypass is what happens when you take nitrogen-frozen ice cream, wrap it in chocolate chip cookie dough, then toss it in a fryer. It is the single most requested thing on the dessert menu by dessert enthusiasts.


A massive treat, resembling a flatter sort of flower (I.E. Morning glory, sunflower, etc). Large chocolate “petals” surround (various flavors) ice cream topped with graham cracker crumble “pollen” with a shaped multi-fruit jelly in the center, resembling the pistil. Serves a large party, and is really freaking expensive due to the difficulty in making this well.

Shotgun Sundae

Not a complex a dish, the shotgun sundae is fudge-swirl ice cream with hard toffee chocolate chunks and a rich chocolate and whisky blend sauce - known for its surprising sweetness yet the burning after kick of the whiskey as it goes down on the back of the tongue.

The Dragon Boat

A simple, yet delicious desert. A single, chocolate coated banana swimming in a sea of whipped cream glazed with a brief flash of a plasma torch - hence the name - and drizzled caramel - giving the meal a crunchy gradient between hot and cold with chilled cinnamon topping - known to ignite dramatically as the dish is prepared - with the cinnamon descending through the torch. Often a show is made of the preparation stage. (Inspired by Mexican 'Mayan' style Coffee:

location/shattered_shell.txt · Last modified: 2018/02/13 00:12 by frostjaeger