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Approved Submission [Advancer] Advancer TIN System

Firebrand

Firebrand

Inactive Member
Submission Type: Comprehensive Nervous System cybernetic Implant
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=advancer:telepathic_implant

Faction: Yamatai
FM Approved Yet? No
Faction requires art? Not for this

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes: If the fluff mention of having based some of the architecture of the short range empathic network on the natural abilities o the Iroma and Lorath New Tur'Lista are a major problem, I can remove the fluff about it.
 
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FM approved
 
This is a harder one to review.

First, this line: "Because of the system's name, people who have had the TIN System implanted have gained the nickname of Tinman or Tinwoman." This hasn't been established yet, so please take it out. Clever as it is.

Next, some sticky parts. Basically, Advancer has used Iroma technology somehow in the development or production of this; if they haven't, I'd like to know how they are drawing inspiration from it.

The Iroma and YSE are not on particularly favorable terms, first of all, considering past events. However, and more important, I don't believe we have any treaties or even trade with the Iroma at this time, considering they have even hid their position from the galaxy at large. This is per Exhack's interactions at past IRCs.

So I say that you're unable to use any Iroma-inspired technology here. That generally means that empathy with other races, outside of someone using a similar system, is out. That includes the ability to "leech" emotions from anyone else. Empathy, in this case, is more of a wireless system similar to Neko.

Even so, I can accept the premise of the submission for the creation of "telepathy," I.e. wireless communication as understood in Nekovalkyrja terms. But that means you're setting up your own network with the submission, which has to mesh with other networks, and that it's basically mimicking that same communacative style that Yamataian species have. That technology already has been considered generic for humans in SARP.

That part is fine for your submission.

Next: "The Neural Lace allows for thought activated Wireless communication up to a range of 10 kilometers." Nekovalkyrja don't have anywhere near that range; how are you managing it with this system? Generic implants also don't seem to have that range.

Lastly, the SPINE copy is acceptable, but exactly what is it for? There are no readers designed for this system. There's no extending wire or plughole implied to mount with other universal systems. It's in the wrong place to mesh with SPINE, and a generic brainwave reading device fulfills the same purpose.

That's not to say that you can't have your system, I suppose, but I'm loathe to approve something that has no supporting infrastructure.
 
Let's handle the Iroma technology part.

First and foremost, I am not, in any way, using Iromakuanhe technology in this submission. What I am using, however, is inspiration for the sub dermal empathic layer by looking at the natural empathic layer and telepathic abilities that the Iromakuanhe and Lorath New Tur'lista have.
 
You need to therefore explain or show how your company was able to experiment and perfect those "layers" on Iromakuanhe (not possible) or New Tur'Lista (dead?) have.

Paging @DocTomoe to explain how that might work for the New Tur'Lista.
 
I'm sorry, I was busy getting my failed plot set up and with classes starting, I'll get on this.

Doshii Jun said:
This is a harder one to review.

First, this line: "Because of the system's name, people who have had the TIN System implanted have gained the nickname of Tinman or Tinwoman." This hasn't been established yet, so please take it out. Clever as it is.

Next, some sticky parts. Basically, Advancer has used Iroma technology somehow in the development or production of this; if they haven't, I'd like to know how they are drawing inspiration from it.

The Iroma and YSE are not on particularly favorable terms, first of all, considering past events. However, and more important, I don't believe we have any treaties or even trade with the Iroma at this time, considering they have even hid their position from the galaxy at large. This is per Exhack's interactions at past IRCs.

So I say that you're unable to use any Iroma-inspired technology here. That generally means that empathy with other races, outside of someone using a similar system, is out. That includes the ability to "leech" emotions from anyone else. Empathy, in this case, is more of a wireless system similar to Neko.

Even so, I can accept the premise of the submission for the creation of "telepathy," I.e. wireless communication as understood in Nekovalkyrja terms. But that means you're setting up your own network with the submission, which has to mesh with other networks, and that it's basically mimicking that same communacative style that Yamataian species have. That technology already has been considered generic for humans in SARP.

That part is fine for your submission.

Next: "The Neural Lace allows for thought activated Wireless communication up to a range of 10 kilometers." Nekovalkyrja don't have anywhere near that range; how are you managing it with this system? Generic implants also don't seem to have that range.

Lastly, the SPINE copy is acceptable, but exactly what is it for? There are no readers designed for this system. There's no extending wire or plughole implied to mount with other universal systems. It's in the wrong place to mesh with SPINE, and a generic brainwave reading device fulfills the same purpose.

That's not to say that you can't have your system, I suppose, but I'm loathe to approve something that has no supporting infrastructure.
Click to expand...


Removed the Social part.

Removed all mention of the Iromakuane and Lorath.

... As for the Neural Lace, The article on Neko's says

Possible to project or perceive wireless transmissions over a range of 250 kilometers (155 miles) as easily as it would be with vocal speech. A NH-29’s computer-like mind can encrypt their transmissions to make them undecipherable by anyone but the intended recipient. Nekovalkyrja can transmit text, audio, and/or video.
Click to expand...

So 10 Kilometers seems far below that

As for the neural interface... I misread the article on SPINE and thought that it was in the back of the neck. I've moved it to the small of the back.

Otherwise I've made most of the changes you asked for.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
My fault — I forgot how far Neko can transmit now. You're good there.

The rest of your edits are good. Approved.
 
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