I, to put it mildly, have a
lot of concerns regarding this submission.
To start, why does this submission not follow the
appropriate template, as required by the
Submission Rules?
The Submission Rules said:
e. Use the standard format or
template, if applicable
* * * * * * *
[...]
* * * * * * *
Thirdly, the following is a list of things I noticed were missing from the submission:
- A list of "Key Features"
- An entry for "Fielded By:"
- The location of this starship's producer
- Dimensions such as width and height
- Number of decks
- Operational Range
- Lifespan
- Refit Cycle
- Compartment Layouts, such as...
- Airlocks
- Armory
- Bridge
- Captain's Suite
- Cargo Storage Areas
- Computer Room
- Crew Cabins
- Engineering
- Fabrication Bays
- Kitchen
- Laundry Facilities
- Lavatories
- Maintenance Bays
- Maintenance Conduits
- Medical Center
- Mess Hall
- Officer Cabins
- Passageways
- Power Armor Bay
- Recreational Areas
- Shower Facilities
- Shuttle Bays
- Deck Layouts
- Subsystems, such as...
- Armored Hull and Hull Integrated Systems - and what is this ship's armor made out of, anyway?
- Computer and Electronics - does this ship even have a method for communicating with other ships?
- Emergency Systems
- Propulsion
- Vehicle Complement
* * * * * * *
Lastly, here are the concerns I have with particular sections of the submission:
Overview
This section said:
This should read
YE 39 in order to reflect the
current year, per the
Submission Rules.
The Submission Rules said:
l. Have the
in-character year they are released (should be the
current IC year)
Moving on...
[...]
This section said:
Manufacturer | The 4th Great Elysian Celestial Empire
How can the
4th Great Elysian Empire produce this starship when it doesn't have any shipyards in
000604?
This section said:
Designer | Baal-Hamon Design Cluster
How can this starship have been designed by an entity that does not have an approved wiki article?
About
This section said:
...carries a small compliment of soldiers with minimal capacity for deployment of ground forces.
What's "a small compliment" entail? A dozen soldiers? Two dozen?
This section said:
Though massive, the vast majority of the ship is automated, only requiring a single Elysian to give commands, though there are creature comforts to host over fifty support staff.
Where is the article for the computer system utilized by this starship - and where are the articles for these "creature comforts"? Where is the article describing the neural interface system that allows for that "single Elysian" to give commands? What role(s) do these "support staff" have?
Appearance
[...]
This section said:
...four large pannels that orbit the ring in the opposite direction that the ring rotates.
[...] Also, what's holding these panels in place?
Ship Systems
This section said:
Mostly new equipment is contained inside of the ship, as a focused effort on upgrading and replacing the old technology has removed a lot of the older gear present from the previous Elysian wars.
Where are the articles for the "[m]ostly new equipment..." - wait,
hold up. Why does this ship have "older gear present from the previous Elysian wars" when you,
@Zack,
personally stated...
I'm not using any technology from Elysia.
Anyways, moving on...
This section said:
The interior of the ship is mostly unlit equipment areas serviced by remote-operated machinery.
Where are the articles for these interiors, equipment areas, remote-operated machinery, and operator interfaces - wait a moment. Why does an automated ship with a crew of one even have remote-operated machinery in the first place?
This section said:
The living areas of the ship can support a crew of up to 50, though the ship is usually crewed by a captain and up to two support officers to manage tasks while the captain is asleep.
Again, hold up. Fifty support crew plus one captain plus two support officers plus an unspecified number of soldiers equals more then fifty crew - so what happens to those extra people? Do they just...I don't know, starve or something? Additionally, where the articles detailing these "living areas"?
Battle Management Array
[...]
This section said:
...is equipped with four large scale Battle Management Arrays, each more than 100m long. These arrays can project and detect a wide range of the EM spectrum and more exotic forms of energy. They serve the roll as sensors, shield projectors, and weapon systems.
They provide full spectrum sensing around the ship as well as subspace radar detection out to 10ly.
They also allow for projected energy attacks, and can be configured to project a continuous energy beam, or fire as an Aether Shock Cannon in a 15 degree arc, at a range of 6 light seconds, with a five second firing, 10 second cooldown period.
Wait,
what? You're telling me these "Battle Management Arrays" (which, as stated above, belong in their own submission) can
simultaneously...
- Detect and project virtually any form of energy?
- Project a six-faced barrier?
- Act as a long-range subspace detection array with a passive range of ten light-years?
- Act as a weapon that can either:
- Continuously fire a beam (with an infinite range) capable of destroying any other starship/installation/etc. in the setting?
- Fire a five-second-long 15° cone-shaped beam (with a range of six light-seconds, which violates the three-light-second maximum mentioned here) capable of destroying any group of starships/installations/etc. in the setting every fifteen seconds?
That's so brokenly overpowered on so many different levels in so many different ways I don't even know how of something that I can use as a comparison.