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A guiding hand

HarperMadi

HarperMadi

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RP Date
44.5
FROM: Chui Aliset Koun, Helmsman, YSS Koun, First Fleet
TO: Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ka Was'at, diplomat, RJFV Tuat'La
CC:
SUBJECT: A Request for Guidance

MESSAGE:

Yulata,

Thank you for your understanding during the... Unorthodox first contact between our governments. I couldn't help but notice that even before we made contact, your sight extended farther than I expected. You have seen further into my mind, memories, goals, and desperate hopes than I have told any mortal soul.

You told me to follow the Caste title I took, and to follow what I felt that means. However, I am conflicted. My instincts are screaming at me to build a family, but every family I have built so far has ended in death and pain. So I promised myself no more love, no more chasing my lust.

I suppose I'm rambling. I wanted to ask you, having seen my memories and my attempt at forging a good life, do you think I am ready or capable of persuing the goal of a Captaincy, and what I have to learn and do to be the strongest candidate, and be selected by the vote of a ship and her crew. Also, please tell that CMO that she nearly got me arrested when my eye color didn't match my records.

Qrr'tok Chui Aliset iš karo laivo Kōun neé Tokyo iš Yamatai y tarybos narys mūšio y Vadasirinidias krovininis Soren iš Shurista.
 
FROM: Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ka Was'at, diplomat, RJFV Tuat'La
TO: Chui Aliset Koun, Helmsman, YSS Koun, First Fleet
CC:
SUBJECT: RE: A Request for Guidance

I hope this finds you well, and in peace. In regards to your inquiry, I must say, you are an interesting person, with very acute goals and values.

Understanding is not something these situations should go without, and as such, I offered my unique kind of understanding. I appreciate the efforts you went through to salvage the endeavour.

You are right, we do have a unique understanding of eachother, but just as I would not expect you to show me my path, I cannot show you yours.

You have an avid dreamscape, an active mind, and a kind soul. That is all I can say. I encourage you to follow a path that may not seem obvious at first, rather, seek out what is important to you. Your family, for one. I recall a personal dream of yours being reunited with your husband.

I urge you to consider looking towards your inner self, focusing on that part of you. Perhaps you may soon have it, perhaps you never will, but I wish you the best on your journey.

Your family seemed pleasant, I suggest you hold them in your heart as you move forward.
 
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FROM: Chui Aliset Koun, Helmsman, YSS Koun, First Fleet
TO: Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ka Was'at, diplomat, RJFV Tuat'La
CC:
SUBJECT: RE: A Request for Guidance

Thank you for your kind words. I'll admit it's not easy for me to admit to problems I face, from medical to mental.

Levente Barna, the husband from that dream, is, despite his rough and tumble actions and that he is a man of action, is also unwaveringly kind. He always puts the needs of his troops above his own, even to the point of self destruction. He was always harsh, but never more than was necessary. He values skill and honor far more than I could have, and always pushed for a diverse skillset, and a team based mentality in his group of friends, lovers, and wives. In many ways, he was more Senti than I am.

Last year, he went on a routine patrol mission planetside, and all that was recovered was the knife forged in Subati forge, Shurista, issued to me in ceremony at my graduation into the Civil Service. The knife I gave him. It shook me to the core to see his sister the way she was when she gave me back his knife.

I cannot have children until I pass the age of seventy five due to damage to my pelvis. Such would be lethal to myself and my child, unless there is some miracle of medical technology to repair a twisted pelvic arch.

The dream you saw aches when I awaken from it, knowing that my husbands are likely both dead or worse, and those children are merely echoes of the neverwas.

I have over a decade's experience as a captain, granted it was a postage freighter with a fifteen person crew. I flew combat missions in the Kuvexian War as a bomber pilot, and fought in the battle of Glimmergold, watched as the fleets collided in needless bloodshed and death on a scale I would have found hard to imagine if I had not seen Turassiel burn and split, had not flown an escort sortie for the survivors. I'll admit that there was rage and hate in my actions in battle. I am not proud of falling into the Skydasi folly. To this day, I'm not sure how I managed to pull back.

There has to be a better way forward. And I have forty years to wait and find a way before I can start a family of my own. If I live that long.

I pray my husband will find his way home. Maybe one day I can hunt him down and get some closure.

No path seems obvious. I am no more than a stranger in a strange world. Rare, exotic, but not yet a valued asset by my peers.

I don't know if I'm ready to try again to build a family, and let someone into my scarred little heart. If'Ni knows I want to. But I am not ready to risk allowing myself to cost someone everything. I don't want my love to carry any toll, let alone one so heavy, and I don't know how to fix it. Or even approach the issue with a healer. My Captain is a good man. Sayoko is my superior in all things scientific save a lapel pin, and were it safe for them, I would be considering my Gifts to them, already.

All of this you knew, though. It feels nice to set it on paper, so to speak. But you're cryptic.
 
FROM: Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ka Was'at, diplomat, RJFV Tuat'La
TO: Chui Aliset Koun, Helmsman, YSS Koun, First Fleet
CC:
SUBJECT: RE: A Request for Guidance

You have a troubled path behind you, and I am deeply sympathetic with what you have gone through. The fact that you don't know what to do yet only means you've just started thinking about it.

It is often not until we consider what makes us us, that we begin to understand that we don't truly know, and never will.

Living is not about finding a purpose, or a meaning. It is about working through our troubles and being ourselves. If you feel you haven't found who you are yet, as I sense that is the case, I encourage you strongly to consider that perhaps life does not require meaning, and that who we are is not defined by our experience.

The caste system my people entail is a way we give ourselves a purpose, but it does not mean that is our purpose. It is simply a path we choose to help us define who we are. It is a part of us, not a definition.

There are some questions we will never answer, Aliset. Find comfort in knowing that the unknowns of the universe do not define who we are.
 
FROM: Chui Aliset Koun, Helmsman, YSS Koun, First Fleet
TO: Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ka Was'at, diplomat, RJFV Tuat'La
CC:
SUBJECT: RE: A Request for Guidance

Thank you. I think I have an idea on my path forward. But I do not think that it can involve the Senti, any longer.

May the stars shine fondly upon you, Guidestar. You are welcome in my home any time you wish to visit. I apologize for how long it took to respond. I had a lot of thinking to do.

For now, I have sent a message I do not think the Councils will be able to ignore. I am going to go get very drunk and attempt to drown my anger and my liver.

Qrr'tok Chui Aliset iš karo laivo Kōun neé Tokyo iš Yamatai
 
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FROM: Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ka Was'at, diplomat, RJFV Tuat'La
TO: Chui Aliset Koun, Helmsman, YSS Koun, First Fleet
CC:
SUBJECT: RE: A Request for Guidance

I am glad you have found the beginning of your path, Qrri'Myaq Qrr'ti Yulata ti Isthat ti Qu'Draa Qrr'tok Chui Aliset iš karo laivo Kōun neé Tokyo iš Yamatai ka Was'at.
 
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