Rejected Character Aciya Olimea

[Aendri]

Name: Aciya Olimea


General Information

Species: NH-29 Nekovalkyrja
Gender: Female
Age: 8 months

Family / Creators: unknown

Employer: SAoY
Occupation: Combat Personnel
Rank: Joto Hei
Current Assignment: N/A


Physical Characteristics

Height: 5' 5"
Weight: 124 lbs
Measurements:
Bra Size: 34B

Build and Skin Colour: lithe build, clearly defined muscles, but wiry. Caucasian skin.
Facial Features and Eye Colour: brown eyes
Hair Colour and Style: light brown hair

Distinguishing Features: tattoo on left back shoulder blade


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
Quiet, somewhat dar. a cynicist. Kind however, always willing to help. Absolutely loyal.

Likes: martial arts, dancing, meat, rubies, friends
Dislikes: country music, concerts, candy, assasins
Goals: Protect someone as a body guard, reach rank of lieutenant.


History

Born as a small, neko, Aciya grew up normally, and shortly after her three month mark, entered Black Sands. Trained all around, but excelled at martial arts. Now out of Black Sands, is looking for a position at Kyoko War academy to become an officer, and in the meantime is working towards a bodyguard position in the SAoY.


Skills

Fighting: Took basic combat training, she excelled in martial arts and close combat weapons. After leaving Black sands, had mastered Kodachi (martial art), and the samurai style of sword fighting. Also skilled with a sniper rifle. Average with pistols and rifles, but also is highly qualified in power suits.

Communications: She took basic communication courses, and also studied unorthodox styles of communication, such as hand signals and mirror signals. Is qualified to teach any of the standard systems, as well as her hand signal system. Also is capable of her species' telepathy.

Technology Operations: She took the basic training courses in tech ops, but did not go into much depth. She has basic computer skills, but majorly studied power suits.

Mathematics: Took basic math courses and little more than that. Has a real talent for math, however she finds no joy in the usage of it.

Maintenance/Repair: Took all of the power suit courses she could, and is now almost to the same level as a professional suit technician. Also has basic repair skills for starships.

Physical: She keeps in shape, and works out in her spare time. She studies martial arts after finishing her daily excercises in order to expand her repertoire of skills.

Entertainment: She discovered a promise of talent for dancing in her while growing up, and now that promise has shown itself. She is a superb dancer, and studies many forms.


OOC Notes

Okay, this is my first neko, so dont criticize too harshly. Help would be appreciated however.

 

[Aendri]

please people, criticise or say its approved. i need something to go on.

 

[SUBLIMEinal]

0_0

Dude. This is your third character in less than a week. The admins don't let most people have a third character unless it's necessary, and they certainly don't hand out the 3 or more pass to players who've been registered for only a couple days.

Chill out on the submissions, man. You don't need that many characters this soon. Even if there was a place for all of them, you'd find yourself overwhelmed with posting demands.

As for the bio, there are a couple spelling errors, and for some reason you have her name as "_____" in your history. You also have some repititious sentences in your skills, such as:

Has a real talent for math, however she finds no joy in math.

Plus, I'm not sure whether or not regular nekos are taught how to use katanas, as it is usually a skill reserved for the Ketsurai Samurai.

Finally, your board rank is not high enough to train for officer status.

 

[Aendri]

updated. and a few things.
1) This character is not necesarily going to be played, or be mine. I have a friend that may join, and this was partially a test. up to this point, i have solely done Yamataian characters, and want to make sure i will be okay with other more complicated species.
2)The blank has been fixed. that was a leftover from when i was first creating the character, had not yet chosen a name, and i just missed it during my editing.
3) About the officer thing, i did not say she was currently training as an officer, i simply said that she was looking at it. This is actually a common practice, similar to college applications. the sooner you let them know you are interested, the better your chances of being accepted.
4) I fixed the repetetive part. sorry about that, im a writer so i should know better. :?
5) About the katana, I'm fairly certain anyone can learn the katana, though i would imagine the Ketsurai are much better for training people in it, and are generally speaking more skilled.

However, thank you for the comments. I dont have anyone to edit or critique my stuff here, so this helps a lot.

 

[Doshii Jun]

When it comes to becoming an officer, a character doesn't necessarily choose it -- it chooses you. Promotions can be very common around here.

If you want a critique, I would second Sub on this one. For a new player to take on two characters, let alone three, is hard to swallow (though that is not necessarily the case here).

You will find yourself in a far better position if you focus your main character for now. Right now, this character feels shallow because she is. Even more than most Neko. You know that, so it's not a harp, but it'd be better to let your friend build their character.

Around here, we consider bio construction the first "test" of a player. That's why we like to see people struggle a little.

 

[Aendri]

ok, thank you anyways. Lock this thread please, but could it be retainedin order for me to use for later ideas and examples?

 

[Fay]

Wow, I agree with SUB, dude, lol. ^^ I have been on here about a week or two, but I just recently created a second character to relieve my boredom... >.>;; If you have friends who would like to be on SARP, then have them register! ^^ It is always good to see new faces around here! =D

 

[Doshii Jun]

Thread locked.