Several typos, and several areas that I would like to see clarification.
Under build, you say "her particular subculture" could you actually specify what that subculture is, maybe even with a Wiki link.
Unnecessary capitalization "her Grey hair" her grey hair
Personality:
She hates things half done, as much as she hates faltering and weakness. If anyone showed weakness in her presence, she would make it her mission to dismiss those feelings with assurances and declarations about that a strong will would not fall to anything!
This is ambiguous. Assurances and declarations to whom? Herself, or the person showed weakness. Please rewrite.
Dislikes typo
anykind should be any kind
Goals typo
proove should be prove
Pre RP Typo
She spend several should be She spent several
Skills, are pretty much cut and paste from the template, please personalize them, with things such as where she acquired them, which aspects she liked and which ones perhaps she struggled with. etc.
Under Tech Op
his should be her
Broken link to KD under funds.
This character is not yet approved for IC usage.