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Approved Character Alia Jyotsna for the Barham wing plot.

Disclaimer: I had absolutely nothing to do with this character.

Also, I like it, but I think you may have layed the Shounen and Hotbloodedness on a bit too much.
 
Several typos, and several areas that I would like to see clarification.

Under build, you say "her particular subculture" could you actually specify what that subculture is, maybe even with a Wiki link.

Unnecessary capitalization "her Grey hair" her grey hair

Personality:
She hates things half done, as much as she hates faltering and weakness. If anyone showed weakness in her presence, she would make it her mission to dismiss those feelings with assurances and declarations about that a strong will would not fall to anything!

This is ambiguous. Assurances and declarations to whom? Herself, or the person showed weakness. Please rewrite.


Dislikes typo
anykind should be any kind

Goals typo
proove should be prove

Pre RP Typo
She spend several should be She spent several

Skills, are pretty much cut and paste from the template, please personalize them, with things such as where she acquired them, which aspects she liked and which ones perhaps she struggled with. etc.

Under Tech Op
his should be her

Broken link to KD under funds.

This character is not yet approved for IC usage.
 
Just about everything you asked has been done, though there's one thing I can't really mod, that being the communication skill.
 
looks good, there is one typo under fighting. miltiple which should be multiple

Approved for IC usage.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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