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Approved Character Alice Mason

Hi ShotJon,
I'm Nashoba and I am one of the Character Reviewers for SARP.

Here are some issues that need to be corrected.

Jiyuuian regenerate so they do not scar. So you need to change the
Distinguishing Features

You need to go through the entire for grammar, punctualtion and spelling errors.

Examples
Caucasian, athletical body build, fair skin. Her skinny body also doesnt make her very attractive.
athletical should most likely be athletic
doesnt should be doesn't

Alice had always knacked for training. Should be Alice always had a knack for training.
proper girl unlickyly had

After you have fixed the specific items, spell checked it and taken care of grammar and punctuation, update this topic and the review will continue.

This character is still pending approval.
 
Nashoba said:
You need to go through the entire for grammar, punctualtion and spelling errors.

Examples
Caucasian, athletical body build, fair skin. Her skinny body also doesnt make her very attractive.
athletical should most likely be athletic
doesnt should be doesn't

Alice had always knacked for training. Should be Alice always had a knack for training.
proper girl unlickyly had

After you have fixed the specific items, spell checked it and taken care of grammar and punctuation, update this topic and the review will continue.

This character is still pending approval.
Click to expand...


Hello Nashoba,
thank you for your review, I went through my character sheet and I hope I got everything out. I am sorry for those mistakes.
 
Ok, better but still some issues.

On the Description need some more specific details.

Build and Skin Color: Caucasian, athletic body build, fair skin. Her skinny body also doesn't make her very attractive. (Suggest changing to make her feel very attractive. ) Attraction is subjective, and there are people who would find her to be attractive.

Facial Features and Eye Color: Small nose, brown eyes, thin lips.
what shape are the eyes, what about her eyebrows.

Hair Color and Style: Short light brown hair.
Short is subjective, please give a way to determine.
Short (3" long hair), Hair is short even with her chin. Hair is really short, less than .5"

From history
Alice is was raised in quite normal family and was lead to normal life.
What does this mean? Please rephrase.
 
Okay I think I got it. I have a little problems with description so thank you for your help. I made little alterations on the biography, I have to admit that normal life is not very good to write in biography. I noticed you changed my rank and it is truly better to start from the beginning since this is my first character so I made changes in biography a little so she can still be a recruit and didn't finished bootcamp all the way through yet.
Anyway if you will find anything other I will make alterations.
Thank you again for you time and help,
Shot
 
Okay, looks good. All new players start at the bottom ranks. :cool:

Next, you need to create a user page, just click the red link in your character to start that. Click the create page when you get to that page.

After that you will need to apply for orders. Use this link to do so.

UOCPF REQUESTS FOR ORDERS

Once you do the GM for the ship you request will post your character orders, and contact you regarding getting you into the plot.

Welcome to the SARP.

This Character Is Approved for IC Usage
 
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