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Approved Character Ariazi Crow

silent_hunter

Inactive Member
Name: Ariazi Crow
General Information
Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 31

Family (or Creators):
Father: Jac Crow (Deceased)
Mother: Daine Crow (Deceased)
Brother: Keeno Crow

Employer: Star Army of Nepleslia
Occupation: Medicial Assistant (Medic)
Rank: Soldier 3rd Class
Current Assignment: N/A

Physical Characteristics
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 180 lbs

Build and Skin Color: Average Build, Brown skin color
Facial Features and Eye Color: Small Goatee, Brown Eye's
Hair color and Style: Black Hair Color, low cut - hair comb down towards face

Distinguishing Features: Ariazi Crow does not have a very distinguishing features let alone to show a small scar across his chest of a electrical burn from a wire being exposed in early childhood.

Psychological Characteristics
Personality:Ariazi Crow is a easy/smooth going person when not on duty. Though under stress from work he tends to get confused while talking to others during his work and would sometimes explode in anger and frustration if bothered a lot but does not effect his work. He sometimes is a bit skittish and is odd in front of others due to the lack of sleep he would get from working hard on projects.

Likes: Working, reading, being alone (sometimes), and sleeping
Dislikes: Shouted at, in-mature people, and headaches
Goals: Helping everyone he can

History
Ariazi Crow was born aboard a transportation vessel, his mother died at child birth. When he was five he was exposed to a wire in which gave him a electrical burn across his chest leaving his mark on his chest for the rest of his life. Ariazi tends to stay close with his brother while his father - Jac Crow would be working long hours. Alone with his brother at a apartment they would stay quiet or play and not much was said about them as Jac would keep quiet to himself about his children, their father soon died afterwards while aboard on a vessel with a heart attack at age 43. Ariazi Crow and his brother Keeno were taken care of by the government soon after getting word that their father had died.

Ariazi Crow was soon placed into a training program to teach him basic's of math, English language, history, and science. Soon after he was placed in training program to become a Medical Assistant at age 17, his brother Keeno Crow went down a different path in life and was never heard of again.
Ariazi soon was certified to work as being a Assistant in pathology and surgery. Ariazi soon joined the Star Army of Nepleslian afterwards of officially becoming a Assistant, since if he would apply of being a doctor in the city would mean otherwise dangers through certain areas. He felt joining the army of Nepleslian would help himself in certain degree's and meet new people.
Skills:

* Biology: - Ariazi knows much of Biology, including genetics, xenobiology, zoology, etc.

* Communication: Ariazi is familiar with basic radio operation and procedures and can make transmissions to and receive transmissions from other characters through headsets, starships, power armor, and shuttles in both combat and non-combat conditions. Ariazi is fluent in English. He can speak and write both correctly and efficiently and can write reports, fill forms, issue orders under fire, etc.

* Fighting: Ariazi received hand-to-hand combat training, followed up with a rigorous training program. He is skilled and experienced in combat in zero-gravity, with and without weapons. Weapons he is trained in include energy pistols, knives, and power armor.

* Knowledge: - Ariazi is familiar with Science,Biology, and Pathology in memory.

* Mathematics: Ariazi received basic mathematics training, to including up to algebra and trigonometry.

* Medical & Science: - Ariazi is very familiar with Medical devices/vacines/drugs/surgery/hygeine/etc. and Science of space

* Technology Operation: Ariazi is capable of operating any computer system that uses the Kessaku OS, found on all Star Army starships. He is proficient in entering and/or searching for information.
 
Interesting character, a bit young for being a doctor, but I guess there are all kinds of characters like that here. The only thing I have a bit of distaste for is the fact that both parents are dead, as it is very cliche in RPs.

On another unrelated topic what is your native language?
 
Umm

There is nothing in the history that states he joined the Star Army of Neplesia, nothing that states where he learnt to fight, if he is in the star army he would need seven skills and some skills are a requirement and finally you need to expand on your skill explanation.
 
A couple of your skills could still be more detailed, there are a couple of typos in your history and also your history states that you joined the Star Army of Yamatai wheras earler you state that you have joined the Star Army of Neplesia.
 
Just so you're aware, there's nothing that states you MUST have seven skills. You can if you'd like. Some prefer to go with less and add skills as their character picks them up. But Laz is right, you must have the required skills.

However, your character does seem to have a lot of knowledge for a 20-year-old. And I'd ask Tom about being a 3rd-class soldier; he'd be a medic in that case, not a doctor. Or so I'd imagine (MASH has taught me much?)

silent_hunter said:
Alone with his brother at a apartment they would stay quiet or play, his father soon died afterwards while aboard on a vessel with a heart attack at age 43. The ship exploded due to a malfunctioning engine, Ariazi Crow and his brother Keeno were taken care of by the goverment.

Out of curiousity ... did the ship have to explode? Would not the heartattack be enough?

And don't forget to change all the "Yamatai" to "Nepleslia."

Rock on.
 
Doshii, looking at his board rank, technically he could create a second class soldier now right?

silent_hunter said:

Really?

*raises eyebrow*
You use your verbs and a few other things oddly, in a way not very different from a second languge user. What dialect of english do you use?
 
Scribbles said:
Doshii, looking at his board rank, technically he could create a second class soldier now right?

He could, yes. I've not been here that long, but I've never seen someone make a second-class (Nitô Hei) just because they could, as their first posts are usually either OOC stuff or in response to a bio/orders/whathaveyou (implying they're still too new).

Hunter, it would still be worth it to talk to Tom as the two of you could hash details together.
 
Be nice, Scribbles. The man's got a bad cold. ^_^

Wes is gone for the weekend, but I could approve this once the last few wrinkles are ironed out. In the mean time, I'd like to hear from Thad on this bio, as usual.
 
Yeah, the bio looks decent to me. There's not a big problem with the character besides the fact that he's a bit too knowledgable to be 20. Being trained by the government is all right though, so I'd just suggest increasing the age a few years--22 or 23 perhaps. Orphans are cliche, but I'm glad this one didn't "survive on the streets." The history's a bit detailed, but since there's not a lot of details that would have been RPed out, it's all right. Though the ship blowing up does seem a little much.

So all you really need to change is the character's age, and the grammatical errors. There's quite a few, most of which are minor and not too big a deal. There are some references to Yamatai that need to be taken out, and the copy-pasted Communication skill should have the neko description deleted.

It could stand to have a little more in the way of personality, but I trust that you're going to play your character according to the personality you have for it in your head. It's not completely necessary to write it all down as long as you play the character right.

Otherwise, the character looks interesting, and I'm still really glad he didn't rough it on the streets with all the other orphans. Good job.
 
Doshii Jun said:
Just so you're aware, there's nothing that states you MUST have seven skills.

I swear that you need seven skills for the Star Army of Yamatai so I assumed it would be the same for the Star Army of Neplesia.
 
Yeah seriously, though Im fixing it as we speak. Im having a bad cold and a friend of mine is having problems fixing a server so its like a big mass of problems lol.
 
Looks much better, but there are still a couple of typo's in personality and History and also you should move the title of 'Skills' so that is is not part of the history paragraph, makes it look a lot better. :D
 
Character approved! :D

There's still a few minor typos in the bio. Feel free to fix them at your leisure. Otherwise, everything looks excellent.

For ideas on how to get started, I would recommend talking to Zakalwe (Thomas) or Doshii Jun (Jake), or anyone else active in Nepleslian plotlines. They should be able to point you to the right people and resources.

Have fun. :)
 
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