Star Army

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Approved Submission Bulldog Light Weapons Platform

Ametheliana

Moderator
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
Game Master
Character Forum Mod
You can rename pages by using the paint roller icon to the right of the page.
 

Syaoran

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
Okay here are the things from the summary; major grammar and spelling corrections come after, when I know the article wont change it's writing anymore.
  • The start of the second sentence of the second paragraph in key features. I think I get what you're saying, but I don't think 'medically sealed' is the word you're looking for. Maybe "vacuum ready" or something like that.
  • You should more directly say in key features that this guy can easily swap out weapons.
  • In the First paragraph of the cockpit description you use the abbreviation PiCO without linking to it or explaining what it is.
  • The Wahoo should be linked when it's first mentioned(which is in cockpit) instead of being left to be linked in weapons
  • You probably don't need to go into such explicit detail of what each control does if you're going to make them all programable
  • the RGC's ammunition pod just links to teh RGC's page, it doesn't tell how much ammo it holds.
  • The other two devices (not the OI pods) seem to not have approval stamps or edits by anyone other than you. Are these devices approved? If so can the links to approval be provided?
  • Same as above for the Aerospace insulation method
  • The cooling system explanation from the description, needs to be moved and put into the cooling section. Right now the cooling section hardly describes the actual system, and more describes something that can go wrong while it operates.
  • You explain that it has enough cargo space only for it's provisions but don't tell us how much that is
  • On the engine's page, I'm pretty sure the name of USO got retconned. I wasn't involved with that so I don't remember the new name but I think @Jack Pine or @Ametheliana can tell you
  • 4 hyperspace taps per engine might be way overkill, generally a entier warship can run it's basic functions on 1 appropriatly sized tap.
  • This engine needs to more clearly explain that it propellant based. As I was reading it when it came to it saying it propels gas to move in space my first question was "What gas?" and then it made a comment about it running on fuel. You need to explain right away how this engine works in the article, cause when you say it's a gravity engine people assume it uses graviton propulsion.
 

Rizzo

Well-Known Member
* Hermetically sealed is what I was trying to say, AutoCorrect got me! It’s been changed.
* Part and weapons can now be swapped within an hour.
* Added PiCo link.
* Added link to Wahoo.
* Simplified control description.
* the RGC's ammunition pod says 30 round ammo pod, the link is not really necessary so it’s cut.
* They were approved years ago, but I have no idea where that page would be. CadetNewb and I made a part sharing agreement when I invited Origin to have a dealership on 188.
* Aerospace insulation method was approved with the Wahoo. @Ametheliana would know.
* The cooling system has been expanded a bit. Better or worse?
* Described an overhead compartment.
* I’ll look into the USO substitute.
EDIT: switching to OSO
* the original engine had 4 small taps and I’m using a modified model that is inspired by the original model. I’d like to keep the 4 small tap configuration.
* I have expanded on the operation of the engine. I had left it a too vague. It can operate both with or without fuel, but sees best performance when using fuel.
 

Ametheliana

Moderator
Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
Game Master
Character Forum Mod
Yeah I approved the Wahoo alongside its sub-article of the insulation. This was back in 2017 when we didn't have to add approval in OOC, though.

Edit: Wahoo approval thread
 

Syaoran

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
Okay for the coolant, in the appearance section, the last two sentences of the first paragraph are about the coolant system. They should be moved, you can keep the bit about the hoses being there in the paragraph, but the rest of that information is explaining how they're used not how they look, and should be in the coolant section.

As for the engine, it's fine if you want to keep 4 taps, but you should put some sort of description for how much relative output to expect on a properly sized vehicle. It doesn't have to be exact, but enough info to let people know that this isn't 4times as strong as a NAM HT engine, just because it has 4 taps.
 

Rizzo

Well-Known Member
Hose functions are moved.

Added to engines function:
The use of four smaller than average taps offers redundancy but no noticeable increase in performance over other engines it’s size.
 

Syaoran

Staff Member
Submissions Reviewer
I went in and did some grammar corrections as well.

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅ ] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and article template
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki style guidelines, including: No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and sourced responsibly (contact Wes privately if there's a concern)
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

After the grammar corrections these two articles pass so it's APPROVED
 
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