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[Carthage] Trinity Unit Mk I Type A (Combat Model)
- Thread starter RazealK
- Start date
Name : RazealK
Location : Hell (Self-stated)
Productive Input : Negative
Muscle-in factor : High
Independant Thought : Not present
Abilities : Anime
I was asked to criticise this.
It burns my eyes.
Burns like Emo.
Suggested Actions: Read other submissions.
Formulate a plan of action.
Do not overstep corporate age boundaries.
????
Profit
Location : Hell (Self-stated)
Productive Input : Negative
Muscle-in factor : High
Independant Thought : Not present
Abilities : Anime
I was asked to criticise this.
It burns my eyes.
Burns like Emo.
Suggested Actions: Read other submissions.
Formulate a plan of action.
Do not overstep corporate age boundaries.
????
Profit
Rob, if you can't get over all this stuff you should probably turn down requests to critique stuff. Seriously dude, it's not cool.
ALARM!!
Corporate Profile: NOVACORP
-----------------------------------
Age: Roughly 2-3 years. Memory failure at index 4836732-3B
Status: Established
Tech level: High
Military Capabilities: Mid-High
Economics: Strong (transborder interstellar semi-independant corponation)
Early Capabilities: Minimal
Early Support: Backing from SAoY, Nepleslian Government
Early Tech Level: Mid
Early Restrictions: Massive
-----------------------------------
Corporate Profile: Carthage
-----------------------------------
Age: N/A
Status: Unknown
Tech level: Uknown
Military Capabilities: Null
Economics: None
Support: Backing from Nepleslian Government
Restrictions: Massive
-----------------------------------
Carthage is nothing. Break it in, make it established, get some roleplay going on and some sales, climb the ladder a little. THEN start making suggestions like this. Only not like this. Make them realistic in terms of the SA balancing and not-copying-other-stuff unspoken rule set.
I started by making personal shielding and invincible personnel transports. Read back and see how far THEY got. :O
Corporate Profile: NOVACORP
-----------------------------------
Age: Roughly 2-3 years. Memory failure at index 4836732-3B
Status: Established
Tech level: High
Military Capabilities: Mid-High
Economics: Strong (transborder interstellar semi-independant corponation)
Early Capabilities: Minimal
Early Support: Backing from SAoY, Nepleslian Government
Early Tech Level: Mid
Early Restrictions: Massive
-----------------------------------
Corporate Profile: Carthage
-----------------------------------
Age: N/A
Status: Unknown
Tech level: Uknown
Military Capabilities: Null
Economics: None
Support: Backing from Nepleslian Government
Restrictions: Massive
-----------------------------------
Carthage is nothing. Break it in, make it established, get some roleplay going on and some sales, climb the ladder a little. THEN start making suggestions like this. Only not like this. Make them realistic in terms of the SA balancing and not-copying-other-stuff unspoken rule set.
I started by making personal shielding and invincible personnel transports. Read back and see how far THEY got. :O
O RLY?Rob said:
Carthage is not backed by the Nepleslian Goverment. Perhaps if you took the time to read the Company's description instead of making strange posts, you'd know that. And I would RP more often for Carthage if I could recruit some more players, which I am in the process of. And also, everything is a copy of something, We call it "inspiration" and "artistic license". I simply took an existing concept and molded it to fit SARP. So, all in all, your response to my work and criticism of my work seem to be neither constructive or helpful in allowing me to modify and revise it into a "better" submission, if indeed it does need that. So thanks for nothing!
BRB, GOING TO NARNIA!
Zack
Inactive Member
If you aren't going to offer constructive criticism then don't comment on a tech submission. If you aren't going to help then at least don't generate drama.
Also, considering the 'wealthy backer' bit and the saturation of uber computers in this setting I see no reason why Carthage would have a problem producing tech on this level.
Also, considering the 'wealthy backer' bit and the saturation of uber computers in this setting I see no reason why Carthage would have a problem producing tech on this level.
But I like my design. It does what it does very well, with being realistically limited compared to a Neko, which they would be fighting, among other things. And a Neko is exactley what Carthage Doesn't want. Carthage is Pro-Nepleslian, Anti-Yamatain empire, and Anti-Mishu. Neko's are to expensive, like a robot with a DRM tag embedded in it. Carthage wants their own unit, to compete with Neko's on the battlefield, in conjunction with the Juggernaut's as the muscle of course! =DRob said:Just make a generic robot.Or buy neko. You don't need to make an OMFGLOLOLNINJAROBOTGIRLIE... especially, as stated, considering the status of the corporation/group/whatever you want to use to produce it.
Is a nation striving for independence, suppose to rely on other nations forever? I don't think so. Trade is all well and good, but I'd like to see Nepleslia take it's place amongst the Galactic Superpowers. The trinity units are just another step towards that goal.
The updated submission looks okay to me, mostly (still some grammar failure like it's instead of its) - question, though: What's the deal with this --> "Nepleslian Star Army - Carthaginian Division" ?
Kay. I'll go set up a sock company. It will produce rocket socks. They will let you hover and fly like superman. They will have pewpewlazors in the toes.
NOT VIABLE. Constructive criticism is fine, but in something that has, again, no funding, history or the ability to hire skilled personnel (Who would go to a minicorp with no money and no products when they could get a place in a megacorp and be higher paid, better housed... need the list go on?)
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM TIME
======================
The Unit's immense ground speed was achieved by a miniature spatial gravity manipulation unit that allowed the Trinity to alter and even reverse its center of gravity, thus allowing the unit to walk up walls and even along ceilings. Advanced actuator systems in the legs provided the raw power required to get up to speed and jump long distances. In addition small magnets in its feet and hands also allowed them the walk on most starships hulls whilst even in deep space.
The gravity manipulator is likely to put undue stress on the system, especially if used for movement in any capacity OTHER than orientation (walking on walls isn't that bad, but using the system to fall sideways could result in very nasty collisions and unpredictable acceleration). Limited to gravity REDUCTION, however, this system is fine.
WHAT advanced actuator systems? This needs more description - are you using microhydraulics? reactive material? pseudomuscle? How does it work and what sort of speed and strength can it realistically give? How responsive is it?
Magnets... no. The outer hulls of starships tend not to be made of magnetic material. Completely inert, in fact, is the order of the day. This is where your gravity manipulator comes in useful.
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Almost all trinity units are also equipped with advanced optics, allowing them to see a wide range of the infrared and ultraviolet spectrums, in addition to the normally visible spectrum of light. Their hearing is also enhanced through the use of acoustic software in their artificial brains, while their sense of touch is on par with most Nepleslians.
How do these optics WORK? directed sensor positions or through the skin of the system? What sort of arc of view do they give the trinity, and how responsive is the system considering it's routed into an artificial "brain"?
What sort of hearing enhancement? directional microphones? vibration-sensative underskins in the trinity? Software can't really enhance what hardware receives; You can't increase the quality of a recording without taking a better one from live.
-----
*Crew: Most Trinities are capable of self-maintenance, requiring technicians only for major repairs or upgrades.
How?
-----
*Planetary: Trinities can survive 200 ft drops and can also survive in space for the duration of their battery's lifespan. The unit's high endurance composite skin is highly resistant to cosmic radiation and most weathering.
SURVIVE drops or dance up on their toes and ninja a neko?
-----
*Hacking: By using the retractable universal interface cables at the back of its neck, the Trinity can hack into most smaller computer systems, larger commercial and some military systems via use of its enhanced AI and preloaded hacking software. This port also features a triple redundant hardware firewall system to protect the trinity from hostile computers.
Universal interface cables? Everyone has their own system, and most people don't use cable jack-ins "these days".
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NOT VIABLE. Constructive criticism is fine, but in something that has, again, no funding, history or the ability to hire skilled personnel (Who would go to a minicorp with no money and no products when they could get a place in a megacorp and be higher paid, better housed... need the list go on?)
Odd.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM TIME
======================
The Unit's immense ground speed was achieved by a miniature spatial gravity manipulation unit that allowed the Trinity to alter and even reverse its center of gravity, thus allowing the unit to walk up walls and even along ceilings. Advanced actuator systems in the legs provided the raw power required to get up to speed and jump long distances. In addition small magnets in its feet and hands also allowed them the walk on most starships hulls whilst even in deep space.
The gravity manipulator is likely to put undue stress on the system, especially if used for movement in any capacity OTHER than orientation (walking on walls isn't that bad, but using the system to fall sideways could result in very nasty collisions and unpredictable acceleration). Limited to gravity REDUCTION, however, this system is fine.
WHAT advanced actuator systems? This needs more description - are you using microhydraulics? reactive material? pseudomuscle? How does it work and what sort of speed and strength can it realistically give? How responsive is it?
Magnets... no. The outer hulls of starships tend not to be made of magnetic material. Completely inert, in fact, is the order of the day. This is where your gravity manipulator comes in useful.
-----
Almost all trinity units are also equipped with advanced optics, allowing them to see a wide range of the infrared and ultraviolet spectrums, in addition to the normally visible spectrum of light. Their hearing is also enhanced through the use of acoustic software in their artificial brains, while their sense of touch is on par with most Nepleslians.
How do these optics WORK? directed sensor positions or through the skin of the system? What sort of arc of view do they give the trinity, and how responsive is the system considering it's routed into an artificial "brain"?
What sort of hearing enhancement? directional microphones? vibration-sensative underskins in the trinity? Software can't really enhance what hardware receives; You can't increase the quality of a recording without taking a better one from live.
-----
*Crew: Most Trinities are capable of self-maintenance, requiring technicians only for major repairs or upgrades.
How?
-----
*Planetary: Trinities can survive 200 ft drops and can also survive in space for the duration of their battery's lifespan. The unit's high endurance composite skin is highly resistant to cosmic radiation and most weathering.
SURVIVE drops or dance up on their toes and ninja a neko?
-----
*Hacking: By using the retractable universal interface cables at the back of its neck, the Trinity can hack into most smaller computer systems, larger commercial and some military systems via use of its enhanced AI and preloaded hacking software. This port also features a triple redundant hardware firewall system to protect the trinity from hostile computers.
Universal interface cables? Everyone has their own system, and most people don't use cable jack-ins "these days".
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