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Approved Character Chigusa

Chigusa

Inactive Member
Name: Amagasaki Chigusa (Chigusa Amagasaki in English)


General Information

Species: Yamataian
Gender: Female
Age: 19

Family / Creators: Adopted Yamataian family with Japanese background.

Employer: Star Army of Yamatai
Occupation: Technician
Rank: Nitô Hei
Current Assignment: None


Physical Characteristics

Height: 185cm (63 in, 5'3'')
Weight: 68 kg (152 lbs)
Measurements: Bust 89cm Waist 54cm Hips 85cm (B35-W21-H33 in)
Bra Size: 32C

Build and Skin Colour: Looks of Japanese heritage. Has slightly tanned white skin.
Facial Features and Eye Colour: Big, limpid, violet eyes and a wide smile. Childish, lolita looking facial features. (Lolita, seeming to be younger than she really is. Maybe 14ish.)
Hair Colour and Style: Pink hair, that is long and flowing. Applied when soul transfered to a Yamataian body.

Distinguishing Features: Very cute and attractive due to her "childish, lolita-looking facial features," which seem to be a growing fetish these days. Not to mention her voluptuous breasts and pretty hair.


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
Chigusa is a lighthearted, spirited girl with an abounding imagination. She has a great interest in culture and the arts. She believes that everyone has a 'destiny' which they forge themselves, by working towards a life goal. She generally dresses in the same outfit while off duty: a small, white, robe-like, two-piece oufit, which has a simple draped skirt over her lower body, red lines along the edges, and a black tanktop. She wears the standard SAoY uniform of her rank while on duty. She enjoys to be with others more than anything, for she is what is called "a very social girl." In addition to her happy-go-lucky attitude, there is her gearheadedness. She is absolutely infatuated with mechanics, and can't get enough of engineering. Her life-long dream is to become the top inventor in all of yamatai.

Likes: Food, Culture and Art, Creating things, Guns, Vehicles
Dislikes: Egocentricity, Stupidity, Ignorance, Sorrow, Blue Cheese
Goals: To be the best inventor there is!


History

Chigusa was born to geshrin parents whom had her put up for adoption in her infancy. She does not know her birth-mother, and was jump-started into society through the adoption into a family with immense Japanese cultural background (though she seemed to have Japanese heritage beforehand). Her family comprises of her mother, father, a pet cat, and her adopted extended family. She contributes to her household by cleaning and cooking food, taking care of the cat, and assisting her father, who is an independent arms designer. He struggled to maintain his business, so the family is not very wealthy. Chigusa has spent most of her life pursuing culture and her life goal" At the age of 16, she swapped bodies into that of a Yamataian. She searched for the next three years for some sort of an adventure, something that could lead her to find her life goal. A friend of hers mentioned the Star Army of Yamatai, and she immediatly got the perfect idea for a life-changing experience. She enlisted into the Star Army of Yamatai. She believed that this was the perfect opportunity for her to experience adventure!

Skills

Communication: Chigusa is familiar with basic radio operation and procedures and can make transmissions to and receive transmissions from other characters through headsets, starships, power armor, and shuttles in both combat and non-combat conditions. Chigusa is fluent in English and Japanese. She can speak and write both correctly and efficiently and can write reports, fill forms, issue orders under fire, etc.

Fighting: Chigusa received hand-to-hand combat training, followed up with a rigorous training program, in addition to pursuing martial arts on her own time. She is skilled and experienced in combat both in Yamatai-like conditions and in zero-gravity, with and without weapons. Weapons she is trained in include energy pistols, knives, and power armor.

Technology Operation: Chigusa is capable of operating any computer system that uses the Kessaku OS, found on all Star Army starships. She is proficient in entering and/or searching for information.

Mathematics: Chigusa recieved basic mathematics training, to including up to algebra and trigonometry.

Engineering: Chigusa took up the hobby of creating small trinkets and silly inventions when still very young. Because of her father's technical abilities, she had learned a lot about engineering at a very young age. Some of the things she built included miniature partical accelerators for use in balistic small arms as well as a mechanical contraption that would open a can of cat food, chop it up, and dish it out for the kitty. Her field of interest is weapons design and general starship enhancement. After recieving formal training she quallified to be an engineer in the Star Army of Yamatai.

Vehicles: Vehicles: Chigusa spent many years honing her engineering skills, so to further pursue a technical background, took up vehicular training excercises. She has basic knowledge of vehicle mechanics, as well as a proficiency in use of many vehicles.

Maintenance and Repair: Chigusa learned these skills in her pursuit of engineering and vehicle mechanics.

Inventory:

* Uniform:
o 2 Star Army bodysuit uniforms (Contents below)
+ 2 stretch bodysuits, blue, with appropriate panel colors
+ 2 mesh undershirts, light blue translucent
with "Hinomaru" patch on right arm, fleet patch on left arm
+ 2 pair mesh stockings, light blue translucent
+ 1 pair leather gloves, dark gray
+ 1 pair leather boots, dark gray
+ 1 pistol belt, leather, dark gray, with holster for Type 28 NSP
o Weather Uniform
+ 1 black tricorner hat, thick felt with red border
+ 1 black overcoat, thigh length
o Uniform accessories
+ 1 Rank Pin, Nitô Hei



* Civilian and workout clothing
o 1 yukata (cotton robe), white, with Star Army of Yamatai
o 1 two-piece coat/skirt outfit, white, with red stripes
o 1 black camisole
Hinomaru logo print
o 1 black sash for yukata
o 2 black bikini swimsuit bottom with Star Army of Yamatai logo on left leg
o 2 black T-shirts with pocket on left breast
o 1 pair black sandals
* Undergarments
o 4 black panty
o 6 black sport bras (double as swimsuit top)
o 4 pair of black boot socks



* Weaponry and Tools:
o Ketsurui Zaibatsu Type 28C Nekovalkyrja Service Pistol
with 2 additional BR-28A Battery Magazines
o Survival knife, solid diamond with rubberized grip and lanyard
with black leather sheath with loop and clips for belt attachment
* Wooden Medal Case, velvet interior, engraved with Star Army logo on top
o No Medals



* Personal Hygiene:
o 1 Bottle of shampoo
o 1 Bottle liquid body soap
o 1 Toothbrush and tube of toothpaste
o 2 washcloths, white
o 2 towels, white


* Electronics
o Electronic Money Card: 3000KS

OOC Notes

This is my first character, hope you like it!
 
Hi there, Welcome to the Star Army! I'm Luca.

Okay, So far so good on the Bio, although I do have some concerns with the following...
- 41 Kilograms and 185 CM? Whoa, is she a pole or something?
- Cute and attractive? How so? Could you put some more description into that?
- Why can't we know the measurements? Any reasons behind this?

But apart from all that, I have no beef with the rest of this.
I hope you enjoy your RP experience here!
 
It's not perfect, but this is a very solid first entry. Well done.

The sticking point here is that its rather unlikely your character would have been born a Yamataian since they just started existing roughly three in-character years ago. Before that, most of the population were geshrins.

The geshrins were a kind of very sophisticated bio-engineered android so lifelike that they are considered as humans most of the time. When the newer yamataian bodies became available, the larger quantity of the geshrin population changed bodies through a tried and true process named 'Soul transfer'.

So, if you were born a yamataian, your character would be only 3 years old at the most, and thus not exactly playable unless you began your life as a nekovalkyrja. So, the question really is: do you want your character to have 19 years of life behind her... or have a mature yamataian with a reduced age stemming from a nekovalkyrja soul transfering in a yamataian body?

Assuming that you pick the former option and that she was born a geshrin and later changed bodies, I'd comment that I don't think you'd really need to go and say the character was 'implanted' in the mother. Due to yamataian society not exactly promoting monogamy, it might make more sense for the mother to simply have had a fling with a man that resulted in her being pregnant, but that the man just left her life (heck, maybe the guy was an older married man who was screwing up younger girls behind his wife's back).

I'd also wold like to see a stronger, more fleshed out motivator as to why your character joined the Star Army of Yamatai.
 
I've updated it to fit Luca and Katori's suggestions. Thanks for the help. I've been roleplaying for years now, I'm just new to this particular forum. I hope to have fun here!

Oh, and you can't know my measurements because unless you're told by Chigusa IC you wouldn't know them anyway.

Even though that's true about most of the information in the bio, that's a little personal aspect of the character I'd like to keep to myself for now. :3
 
Okay, I've finished touching up the Bio. I really appreciate the comments - constructive criticism is a huge help!

I'd like some more comments from other people, though.



Chigusa's Bio. is finished. Awaiting approval!
 
I like it.

My one problem is that for one of your skills you say 'Your character'.

However she dones't seem personality wise a warrior. What was her motivation for joining the often brutal Star Army of Yamatai?
 
You've been doing good so far. There are a few points that come to my attention though:

You mention that Chigusa was a youngling once, I believe. A yongling in a miniature 8" nekovalkyrja - in essence, they are nekovalkyrja babies but you wrote that your character was formerly a geshrin. Please clear that up.

Your character's dress doesn't seem like the usual getup Star Army soldiers wear on duty. While dressing casually while off duty is okay, it makes me think that you (or your character) might not be all that aware of what it involves to join the military. Here's a link to the customs and regulations of the Star Army of Yamatai and a helpful guide on military roleplaying. I suggest you review both of those - they'll help you once you have to play in-character.

Also, in your character bio, there isn't really anything you should keep secret about your character. When you're out roleplaying, you can have your character be as secretive as you like- despite other players knowing what's on your sheet, they are not supposed to take advantage of knowing the exact numbers - but we do want you to write down your measurements and goals so we know you have established it.

Finally, do you really want C-sized breasts? Given that your character was able to change bodies and to ask for a couple of tweaks for her new one, I just figure that if I had a choice, I wouldn't go for the larger bigger jiggling breasts that would hinder movement even with good support (then again, I'm not a girl so my knowledge of that is really limited).
 
Someone should really create a quite overwhelming well endowed Yamataian soldier to see what the limits are.

Yui: "Your breasts are too large to serve in the army!"
 
Kotori: I'm going to begin revising my character's bio. now. Thanks a ton for the support!

I'm unable to find where I mentioned she was a youngling... Damn...
 
There:

Engineering: Chigusa took up the hobby of creating small trinkets and silly inventions when still a youngling. So much so that after recieving formal training, she quallified to be an engineer in the Star Army of Yamatai.
 
I see large improvements.

The history has some grammar and tense issues, but the addition of the family into the mix enhances the feeling that this is a young woman and not a nekovalkyrja whom had her head stuffed with skills.

By this point, most people here would consider this worthy of approval. I'm going to try and incite you to detail it a bit more regarding her interests.

To you, what is a lolita-looking face?

Can you specify what she likes inventing? There are many kinds of inventors and generally, those people focus on select things that they liked. for example, in the SARP, I like designing high quality starships, but I'm not particularly interested in civilian freighter rustbuckets. Doshii likes making guns and he's not so bad at power armors.Zakalwe likes designing random stuff like new unfeasable weapon concepts and random stuff like nosesprays to stop the common cold (or such other random stuff).

The point is, where does your character's interests lie in inventing? It'd be good to note because anything she tinkers on would have to find approval in the contribution forum and the approval process is often anything but simple as the high technology of the SARP makes it kinda hard someties to actually invent something worthwhile which won't be overpowered.

There's also the chosen environment of the character, likely a Star Army starship, on which most of the stuff is owned by yamatai, amking hard to actually tweak them.

Ironically, if what she likes are ship systems, the Miharu would be a good place for her. while were talking about plotships, the Goban and the Sakura are looking for people too. I'd probably recommend the Goban over the two other ships because its an all male crew and they could use another technician (or another player) - the Sakura has enough girls already! XD
 
I think I've fixed it up to match everything Kotori has said so far, and I was thinking about going with the Goban anyway. I'd love to know if anyone considers this ready for approval, because I worked hard on it.
 
I'd approve her if I could because this has become a pretty solid, well presented bio. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people whom can approve things in this forum.

One point of interest I've noted (luca mentioned it before) was that for someone close to six feet tall that's pretty well endowed, she's very, very light. I think it'd be better if her weight was from 125 to 165 lbs depending on her built (you mention childlike, but does this mean frail, slender, spritely, willowy, waiflike)

... well, that's all according to my D&D player's handbook with a girl as high as 73" (20 over human default - actually the maximum for a human female) with a low to middling 2d4 roll (85 lbs + (extra inches over 53" x 2d4)). ^_^;
 
Recommending approval.

Also asking for either a restriction on my mod powers to not include this forum (as I just goofed up and sent it to approved char bios without permission) or clarification on what exactly I can do in this forum (sorry Chigusa).
 
Approved.

Also, I updated the "Who Can Approve My Bio?" list to include you, Jake.
 
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