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Approved Character Felix Lancaro

T

Tony Lothcar

Inactive Member
Name: Felix Lancaro

General Information

Species: Yamataian

Gender: Male

Age: 19

Family (or Creators):
Dimitri Lancaro (Deceased – killed in war) - Pilot
Maria Lancaro (Alive and well) - Scientist

Employer: Star Army of Yamatai

Occupation: Pilot (Power Armor)

Rank: Santô Hei

Current Assignment: NA

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6'3â€
 
Here are my suggestions for this one :

Firstly, since you're living on Yamatai, why not play a Yamataian? Yamataians are supposed to gradually replace Geshrins as a race, so, I'd encourage you to pick it up for your species.

Additionally, the deceased parent enlisted in the army the prods it's offspring to join is, I think, a trite overused. Why not have his father survive the conflict (a grievous wound could have encouraged a crippled geshrin to switch for a yamataian body - and his son could very well have followed his example)? The father could have had a succesful military service and his son could have followed in his footsteps.

I find the goals rather mature for a teen. If he was in his mid twenties, It'd be okay... but it'd probably look more like "Become as good a soldier as his father was" than anything else (and it's too early to think about having a lifemate... girlfriends are okay though ~_^ ).

Your history could use some fleshing out. Double what you have (at least) and try making it a bit less clinical. The mother teaching him about advanced stuff is a bit farfetched to me - however, going to biology class at school and having a mother that can help out does help (parents have to earn a living, so you have to go to school! XD )

(most of my comments are more nitpicks than bashing on your head - the overall entry itself isn't bad at all)
 
My first point is that the length of the history is fine in my book. You do not need a complex history, and you certainly don't want to put in there what needs to be RPed out.

As for the father ... it's a little cliche, but not nearly as bad as making him an orphan. I don't think it really needs to be changed.

And race: Don't feel overwhelmingly motivated to play Yamataian. It is true that they are replacing Geshrin, but that doesn't mean you can't play one, since there will still be a large number out there. Yamatians are superior in most ways however.

I have a preference for Geshrin myself.

Your goals as they stand are not bad, to me they reflect the naivety of youth, that it would actually be possible for him to become the best pilot, and the idealistic hope of finding love.

He sounds like a romantic, which can be annoying when they fall into their depressive phases, but it's alright.
 
Your history is good, I wouldn't change it if I were you. Adding anything more will likely keep your character from being approved.
 
Uso Tasuki said:
Your history is good, I wouldn't change it if I were you. Adding anything more will likely keep your character from being approved.
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Considering the length of some of these histories, including mine, I wouldn't count on that one, Uso (Zack). It isn't history length, as many seem to argue. I'd say it's what you put in it. This character might not have much of a history worth telling anyway. Regardless, Zakalwe (Thomas) is bang on -- details that should be RPed out aren't present, so it'll fly most likely.

Anyone notice Geshrin seem to be overwhelmingly male? We don't see many Yamataian men, though the Sakura's cook just switched to a Yamataian body. Your Geshrin character could do that later, if he so chose. Take some time to investigate the different bodies, if you haven't already.

The name throws me off. It's cool ... but not very Japanese-sounding for a Japanese-looking character. I've never heard of how Geshrin bodies were made, but with the parents' first names also not being Japanese, perhaps a darker skin color would make more sense.

Kotori said:
The mother teaching him about advanced stuff is a bit farfetched to me - however, going to biology class at school and having a mother that can help out does help (parents have to earn a living, so you have to go to school! XD )
Click to expand...

I dunno about this. If you consider what the original colonists might have had to know to migrate all the way out to this universe, a tradition of teaching high-level math could've been passed down. But it is hard to say, and trying to inject that into the history is something Uso would gripe about (rightly so). But Kotori (Fred) brings up the point about how money is being made by this family.

Throw some soft returns into your bio, so it doesn't appear all connected. /nitpick

Tony Lothcar said:
Distinguishing Features: The combination of his dark blue eyes and black hair give him a very intense outlook.
Click to expand...

Intense appearance, maybe? Intense look?
 
Try putting in a few ENTER presses to space your paragraphs, it'll make a more pleasant read. ^_^

You have a point Doshii regarding the colonisation bit about parents teaching some of their own field's advanced studies down to their offsprings.

Additionally, it was my feeling that the history, as it was told, suited more a 2-years old nekovalkyrja in it's terseness than a 19-years old geshrin. The bare bones of the history could be okay, and even if it's size is doubled to two paragraphs, it should still be 'compact' enough. Some details about a character's origins can really strengthen the whole package.

Take, for example, Tom Freeman. He's a geshrin, grew up on Yamatai in a snowy hamlet called Ralt (I think). Just these little bits contributed to much expanding his character and so, I do think that if could be worth it to revisit the history and try detailing it a bit. You look like a decent enough writer Tony, so, I'm sure you'll be able to come up with something surprisingly nice if you devote some more thought to it.
 
Just ignore Doshii Jun, play whatever you want to.

And again, don't add anything to your Bio. Because this is a starting character you should try and focus on building a history for him through RP rather than just writing one.
 
Kotori said:
Try putting in a few ENTER presses to space your paragraphs, it'll make a more pleasant read. ^_^
Click to expand...

Fear my journo-speak, damn you. SOFT RETURN POWER.

Kotori said:
Additionally, it was my feeling that the history, as it was told, suited more a 2-years old nekovalkyrja in it's terseness than a 19-years old geshrin. The bare bones of the history could be okay, and even if it's size is doubled to two paragraphs, it should still be 'compact' enough. Some details about a character's origins can really strengthen the whole package.

Take, for example, Tom Freeman. He's a geshrin, grew up on Yamatai in a snowy hamlet called Ralt (I think). Just these little bits contributed to much expanding his character and so, I do think that if could be worth it to revisit the history and try detailing it a bit. You look like a decent enough writer Tony, so, I'm sure you'll be able to come up with something surprisingly nice if you devote some more thought to it.
Click to expand...

Good point. It could be expanded further in that regard. Just don't go looking at my old character Yosef -- I had some 'splainin' to do there.

Locations are a good way to introduce "history" without doing so. Behavioral sciences might not agree with Skinner, but the idea that environment influences us in very big ways is worth using to your advantage. Grew up near water? How does that affect char's views on space? Maybe grew up in forested and rocky area; he's used to living on the rough terrain (could explain the survival skill a bit better).

Better yet -- grew up in DESERT. I don't think there's desert on Yamatai, but if there was, think of the possibilities.

Uso Tasuki said:
Just ignore Doshii Jun, play whatever you want to.
Click to expand...

Excuse me? And by your logic, he can add whatever he wants, ignoring you.
 
I'll admit I'm getting sick of some people making callously contradictory posts in regards of some others instead of actually saying something constructive - here, however, is not the place to bicker on that.. so let's not.

Doshii Jun said:
Fear my journo-speak, damn you. SOFT RETURN POWER.
Click to expand...

Oh, sorry! Skimmed over it. ^_^;;
 
Kotori suggestions are sort of valid, but really, they'd only complicate a character who doesn't need anymore description. It looks nice to me. Listen to me, Zack, and Thomas--we've been here longer, so that automatically means that we're smarter(/joke)!
 
Wow...didn't expect so many post >_<;; I spaced out the paper, gave him a home city, made him Yamataian, made father not die, and added a bit more on history. I'm kind of leery on changing his name, but if its a problem I do not mind that much. I've probably missed a bunch of thing mentioned by people so please send in the next batch of posts XD Thanks for the help!
 
*claps hands lightly* whooo! You actually bothered to look up the info on Tania!

History fleshed out nicely. We know his father had fishing as his hobby - this can provide you with an anecdote about a fishing trip sometime or something to that effect : heck, maybe he either picked up a fondness for specific Yamatai fish... or ate so much he ended up disliking seafood ^_^

The mother bit makes a bit more sense now. His mother, while intelligent, might have been a mite overprotective, feeling that Felix could learn just fine from her. That makes your character grow up in a world of adults instead of being surrounded by children and it's a good reason why he could have developped to become serious and reserved.

One thing you may want to consider was the stance Felix's mother had toward his joining the army. Imagine beig the wife of a carreer soldier leaving for devastating conflicts that occasionally raise the body count in the billions. Maybe she was proud of that, but it could have had ranged just as much in other direction, such as Felix leaving without her approval to having his family divorce because the father was rarely home and the mother couldn't take it (hooking up with another guy, perhaps, which could have alienated your character and have his side more with his father - perhaps a strong motivation for joining the army at all... hey, maybe he wouldn't have gotten along with his mother's boyfriend ~_^ ).

Switching to a Yamataian's body in this case could have been something related to father hero-worship to merely going for a practical upgrade so Felix would be able to navigate zero-g passageway in nekovalkyrja-intended vessels or the like.

Right now, I feel you have a rather strong entry (I do recommend splitting your history in two paragraphs to air it up a bit). Do think about what I mentioned in the above and preferably outward from there : it will certainly add dept to think of your character beyond the "I'm serious and reserved" and "My father joined the SA, so, I joined too" once you get in an actual roleplaying thread.

Also, since you are new to the site and that your character has been acquainted with the Star Army for a good part of his life, make sure you check out the following :

- Star Army general info : https://stararmy.com/org/stararmy/index.html
Skim over it. All that is info your character is likely to know... with added emphasis in here --> https://stararmy.com/org/stararmy/military_law.html

Pay close attention to it, especially 'military courtesy', since this is a roleplay and you'll have to talk/interact with others a lot.

You'll be piloting a Phalanx or a Super Phalanx, so, do check 'em out as well. --> https://stararmy.com/starships/phoenix/s ... alanx.html
 
Thanks again for the helpful hints and tips. I've editted his history a lot. I'm currently reading the information of the the Star Army of Yamatai. This site is very overwhelming! Trying to understand left from right >.<

I do have a question though. The yamataian bodies are mentioned a lot as being designed after the Neko things. Do they have any certain powers or skills? The character description in the Make a character area was pretty vague. Are they the male versions of the nekos or what? Thanks again!
 
Concerning true Nekos, there are only female ones for players (though a male version was once created for testing). I think there was a chart (perhaps on the NH-29 Neko page) that compared the abilities of Humans and different types of Neko.

Concerning Yamataians, Yamataian bodys are availible in both the Geshrin and Neko styles. I've not myself seen any reference to any male Yamataians with Neko apperence, and I don't even know if thats possible/availible.
 
Ah, I see. Thank you scribbles! After reading it, should I put telepathic encryption (communications) as a skill since it mentions that yamataians can use it? Also, what does it mean by gravitation/inertia manipulation? One last question:
The Nekovalkyrja's distinctive ears are more than just fuzzy and cute : they are sensitive, can move to perceive sounds in three dimensions and even their small hairs can help gauge wind speed and humidity.
Click to expand...
Does that mean since the yamataians have a choise of either human or neko ears that it would be in my best interest to get the neko ones? (plus it would add some interesting rp with a male that has neko ears XD)
 
Sorry. Weekends tend to be the time when we can get out of our houses to play with our buddies ~_^

I personally recommend you stick with the round ears. Although the cat ears would be more of an advantage... consider that your character still lived several years without having them.

Just as my character Kotori is not eager to switch for a NH-29 body because she would lose some of her abilities (consider the loss of skin-vision to a being used to using it since birth. That'd be just like making the character half-blind compared to how it was before - changes do have impacts) I expect that people gaining abilities that are foreign to them should take some getting used to. The character Hanako was formerly an elf and she's still have a hard time masering some of the abilities her NH-29 body provide her.

I recommended Yamataian since Geshrin were going over that direction beforehand... but on the other hand, you still wanted to play a Geshrin... so, don't go too far out.

Additionally, Yamataian bodies seem to be recent : available since two or three years - someone correct me if I'm wrong. You may want to adjust your bio in accordance to that.

Otherwise, it looks fine.
 
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