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Approved Character [First OC] Kondo Yuko [YSS Heartbreaker]

Good enough. what kind of starship operator do you want to be? Tactical, Navigation, Communications, etc.? Once you know that, get the relevant skill and put it underneath the common skills you have listed. Like, if you want to shoot the lasers, get the technology operating skill and write that your character is proficient with Star Army tactical consoles, or something like that. The history and personality sections look good to me. We'll see what Reynolds thinks.
 
Okay, it's mostly good, but there are just a few bits that need some ironing out. I added bits at the top for DoB & Age along with Height & Weight. Filled those out, but you also need to include the metric version of all measurements in your profile, so just add those. Also, things like your Species and Occupation should be links to the relevant wiki article, if you could update that.

The part about having no relationships with anyone seems a bit odd. Even if she had no close friends, in a small town like the one you chosen I'm sure everyone knows everyone else. You don't have to list people off, it's not that important, just seemed a strange thing to state.

For the history, I think it might make more sense with her backstory to be more specific about why she suddenly left home to join the Star Army. Did she want to see life outside her town? Was she too smart to be wasting her time in a low-tech world? I know it mentioned sending her mom money, but maybe there's more to that...did she want mom to move out of that town and to the city? Etc. Just flesh that out a little more so we understand her motivation a bit better.

Besides that, if you can just remove the little 'out of character' notes and writing tics in there, that would help. It shouldn't read like a conversation, it should read like a formal, informative article. If that makes sense. Just things like the 'er's and stuff in parenthesis.

Simply linking to the common skills and items is fine, but I would definitely recommend you give an entry to whatever you might be specalizing in. Since you would have studied and been assigned to whatever you are better-than-average at. Same for any small items you want to have to flesh out your character, maybe some pictures or trinkets from home, or anything related to a hobby. Most Neko don't start out with anything, but a human-turned-Minkan would have had years to collect junk and pick up interests.
 
Alright, I'm currently working on editing it around and stuff! And er...sorry for not responding sooner! I was doing some stuff!
 
I took a look at the updates you've done, and it seems good. I made two small edits, to make her fluent in Trade and clarifying that she's just nervous about using computers when people are watching, she's not actually going to break them. Since your primary job is using a computer. The only other thing I wanted to mention is that I ask for everyone on the Heartbreaker to list a loadout for their Mindy, so everyone knows what everyone has equipped at a glance. You can take a look at another new player's setup for a quick example (https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:alexis_morwind#inventory) or a more complicated one (https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=members:leighlink:blesi_ingrid). I'm sure if you can't decide, someone will be willing to assist you.

But, this is APPROVED already! Just fix that when you can. I'll try to get you introduced this Saturday with my next post. You can assume you were brought on board the ship between Mission 3 and 4 if you want to go ahead and post, though. Feel free to ask for help getting integrated. Just need @Wes to move this to the proper place now.
 
Reynolds said:
I took a look at the updates you've done, and it seems good. I made two small edits, to make her fluent in Trade and clarifying that she's just nervous about using computers when people are watching, she's not actually going to break them. Since your primary job is using a computer. The only other thing I wanted to mention is that I ask for everyone on the Heartbreaker to list a loadout for their Mindy, so everyone knows what everyone has equipped at a glance. You can take a look at another new player's setup for a quick example (https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:alexis_morwind#inventory) or a more complicated one (https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=members:leighlink:blesi_ingrid). I'm sure if you can't decide, someone will be willing to assist you.

But, this is APPROVED already! Just fix that when you can. I'll try to get you introduced this Saturday with my next post. You can assume you were brought on board the ship between Mission 3 and 4 if you want to go ahead and post, though. Feel free to ask for help getting integrated. Just need @Wes to move this to the proper place now.
Click to expand...
Ah, alright. I also got my Mindy loadout all set-up if you wanna see it.
 
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