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Approved Submission G1-NI, "Geist" neural implant

Jack Pine

Jack Pine

Inactive Member
Submission Type: Neural Implant
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:faction:uso:skyguard:g1-ni

Faction:
FM Approved Yet? (Yes; @Zack , 9/16/2017)
Faction requires art? (Yes)

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? (No)
Contains New art? (Yes)
Previously Submitted? (Yes; deadline for needed edits was not met)

Notes: I have gone back through, and am confident that I have fleshed out the item's capabilities and limitations, and have added a nomenclature as well as listed a designer and the size of the implant.
 
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Oh duh, I just realized!

I went ahead and edited your OP to make things easier, I hope you don't mind. I forgot I could. XD
 
You're making progress, but it's not there yet. I'll post things up as bullets so it's easier to keep track of, and is more clear.
  • You don't need the 'G1-NI' in the title and can call it "Geist Control Implant" or something you prefer
  • Have the opening sentence at the top talk about the implant, not the project that created it - it can be mentioned in passing however
  • Get rid of the designer and size bullets under the opening sentence/paragraph
  • Change the 'About' section to 'About the Geist Implant' or something like that
  • Make the stuff in 'Functions' be a proper paragraph by bringing it all together rather than having it in a list-thing
  • Rename 'Experimental' to 'Tech Control' and incorporate the warning about malware into it
  • Double check grammar
 
That's coming along quite nicely. There's still a few colons and such from when 'Functions' and 'Tech Control' was a list of features, but after you remove those and make sure it reads smoothly, it should be good to go.
 
Ok, time for the checklist...

The submitted article is/has…
[Y] A very high level of overall quality
[Y] A general topic sentence under the title header
[Y] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)
[Y] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[N/A] In the proper format/template
[Y] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[Y] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[Y] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[Y] No red and/or broken links
[Y] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[Y] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[N] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[N] Obtusely redundant
[N] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ - ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[N] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[N] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[N] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[N] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[N] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[N] Lacking Detail
[N] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[N/A] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[Y] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[N/A] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.

Everything looks good, it just needs the final FM stamp in here. @Zack, this good to go?
 
I thought I'd post here because I've been informed that several people with Geist can connect to each other's implants and share their thoughts/viewpoints even though this isn't mentioned in the article. I'm not trying to be a bother and it seems like it's doable with the tech I'd just like to request an update here so peeps don't get confused in future-
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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