What's new
  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 May and June 2024 are YE 46.4 in the RP.

Approved Submission Hawk Guide Craft

Dana

Dana

Well-Known Member
Submission RP Example
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=wip:hawkguidecraft
Submission URL
https://stararmy.com/wiki/doku.php?id=corp:davey_boone:hawk_scout_craft
Submission Faction(s)
  1. Nepleslia
Submission Terms
  1. I agree
Flagship Vehicle for Davey Boone, a hovercraft designed specifically for large trophy hunting and game harvesting. it is a mix of hunting cabin and RV in a contemporary sense.

This submission is submitted without an RP example with express permission from @Wes via DM.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Upvote 0 Downvote
This suggestion has been implemented. Votes are no longer accepted.
This is a great start. I have to commend you as a new player coming forward with a new design is a great way to get involved. That said, I think there are some structural issues with the article. It uses the tone of you speaking to us, rather than the more professional encyclopedia tone that we're used to on SARP.

  • The ship's systems require fleshing out, I would take a look at some of the currently approved articles for ships that are in use.
  • The history and interior sections require some grammatical and "voice" issues as I mentioned above.
Normally I'd offer some help but my plate is a bit full, maybe you could talk to some people who have submitted some successfully approved articles like @Yuuki to assist with this?

So once those things are improved. I can see this getting passed.
 
This is either a very large tier 7 or very small tier 8 craft, btw. Unarmored vehicles (ones not designed to take abuse like combat), generally take damage at one worse tier. If this is meant to hunt kaiju or dinorsaurs or something out of, then maybe it is?
 
Andrew said:
This is a great start. I have to commend you as a new player coming forward with a new design is a great way to get involved. That said, I think there are some structural issues with the article. It uses the tone of you speaking to us, rather than the more professional encyclopedia tone that we're used to on SARP.

  • The ship's systems require fleshing out, I would take a look at some of the currently approved articles for ships that are in use.
  • The history and interior sections require some grammatical and "voice" issues as I mentioned above.
Normally I'd offer some help but my plate is a bit full, maybe you could talk to some people who have submitted some successfully approved articles like @Yuuki to assist with this?

So once those things are improved. I can see this getting passed.
Click to expand...
Could you highlight which areas you are unhappy with so I know what to work on?
 
Yuuki said:
This is either a very large tier 7 or very small tier 8 craft, btw. Unarmored vehicles (ones not designed to take abuse like combat), generally take damage at one worse tier. If this is meant to hunt kaiju or dinorsaurs or something out of, then maybe it is?
Click to expand...
The craft itself is not meant to hunt. Think of it as a replacement for a hunting cabin. Similar to a fifth wheel trailer or camper.
 
Ok here are some highlights -

  • In terms of the craft's systems - each system should be described. Check out https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=corp:yugumo_corporation:ships:misha-class_explorer#systems for an example of how we write a bit about each of the craft's systems.
  • In terms of the history and interior description, I would like to see a more encyclopedia-like tone and grammar checked.
  • The appearance section still needs a written description despite the fact it has graphics.
  • In the Statistics section, you still have this (Brief description of the stats) from the template. What usually goes there is some prose about the statistics below.
 
probably better to specify cargo space capacity in volume rather than weight. Check capitalization consistency on key features chart. Looking pretty good!
 
Hello! Let's see if this submission meets the requirements for inclusion in Star Army's lore...

[ ✅ ] 1. The destination URL should be a page in the appropriate namespace and titled lower_case_with_underscores
[ ✅] 2. The article is in the appropriate format and the article template. Is all the information for struct present?
[ ✅ ] 3. The article follows our wiki-style guidelines, including No forced line breaks, text after each section header, etc.
[ ✅ ] 4. The article is easily read and free of errors in spelling and grammar
[ ✅ ] 5. Links to other wiki articles are present as appropriate and are not broken
[ ✅ ] 6. The article fits into the Star Army universe's space opera theme and technology levels.
[ ✅ ] 7. Images in the article are hosted on Star Army's wiki and credited in the OOC section.
[ ✅ ] 8. The article is original and doesn't contain copy-pasted content from other articles.
[ ✅ ] 9. The article complies with Star Army's rules in terms of damage ratings, speed limits, etc.
[ ✅ ] 10. The Faction Manager(s), if applicable, have posted approval for this article in this thread.

Approved.
 
Andrew said:
I actually filled out struct for you. However -

Just a reminder your main company page needs to be submitted for approval as well - Davey Boone Outdoor Solutions on Star Army Space Roleplay
Click to expand...
stararmy.com

Approved Submission - Davey Boone Outdoor Solutions

This submission is being created without an RP Example. Permission was given to do so without the RP example by @Wes via DM. Davey Boone is a large outdoor outfitter in the vein of Cabelas or Bass Pro Shops. This is intended to help explore Nep RP which, while still violent and involving...
stararmy.com stararmy.com
 
Oh alright, I couldn't find it. Thanks.1
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top