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Intercepted Communications (Open)

Commissar Farzi

Commissar Farzi

🎖️ Game Master
RP Date
YE 46
This a semi-serious thread where various transmissions from around the sector and beyond have been intercepted and well, the contents make are meant to make you wonder just how the hell anyone functions around here-feel free to participate.

+++FROM:Grandmaster Albert Stiener+++
+++TO: All Iron Company Personnel+++
+++SUBJECT: Nanofabrication Equipment+++

To All Iron Company Personnel-our Nanofabrication Equipment is to be used for AUTHORIZED purposes ONLY. Any recreational use is strictly prohibited; that especially includes the "Pest Demolition Derby"-you know who you are. The smiths are going to have to replace half the equipment due to excessive usage causing the nanites to fuse and cause blockages.

Henceforth; any Yeoman found in violation of this order will have his booze rations revoked and extra duty for a month. You have been warned.
 
+++FROM: Pesky Pointy Ears+++
+++TO: Grandmaster Albert Stiener+++
+++SUBJECT: Nanofabrication Equipment+++

Is there a list of AUTHORIZED purposes and who is qualified to make decisions on what's authorized? More importantly, does this mean I am not allowed to experiment with special grenade presents anymore?
 
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+++FROM: Tacho+++
+++TO: Grandmaster Albert Stiener+++
+++SUBJECT: Nanofabrication Equipment+++

Why the hell am I tagged in this message? I've drank too much mead to even worry about this. Let's try teaching the knuckleheads the correct direction to point the barrel....and maybe some hygiene standards.
 
From: Master Chief Specialist Redacted
To: All personnel of FDC Cloning Facility Redacted

A friendly reminder that all Genesis Bioforges are dedicated for the sole purpose of continuing the Nepleslian Reds. They are not to be used to fabricate foodstuff, your next ill-taken cared of illegal pet, and they are especially not there for you to modify one of the clone bodies into your ideal spouse. The next individual caught misusing any of the bioforges at this Prometheus Class facility will bear witness to myself personally reviving the old ways of decommissioning you and your next of line. Your bodies will then be recycled to produce your next iteration wiping the noses of the creche babies until your time in a L platoon is required. You have been warned.

Redacted

Brought to you by the Fujiko Maiko Legion
 
FROM: ISS Sobek Fuji, Lenna
TO: Sood Zadra UX-3 III
SUBJECT: Attention Soon Bardoon, Mission update



Greetings Governess,

ISS Sobek has arrived at Detritus Station ahead of schedule as the incoming ship has not arrived to offload the supplies ordered. Nikicon was hurt once more in the operations in the engineering due to a malfunction. She was relatively unharmed somehow, and moving around once more. The scientists are still working to identify the tech that is the Sobek and to find methods to fix it. We are going to hold here and await the incoming shipment our return will be delayed.

Fuji, Lenna
Captain ISS Sobek

I hope that this is in the feel of this thread, If it is out of place I can remove it.
 
To: YTP Logistics
From: Motoyoshi Kaoru
Re: Lubricant

I keep receiving these small bottles of lubricant when I make my order. Once again I remind you I was seeking the 10 Liter drum for use at my Midnight Pad in Asagumo City. Don't make me have to get senior management involved.

Thanks,

Motoyoshi Kaoru
 
+++To: Pesky Pointy Ears+++
+++From: Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++RE: Nanofabrication Equipment+++

In the next 2 weeks time, there will be a fully detailed list of authorized usages of Nanofabrication Equipment. As for your toys, may I remind you that we do have man-portable anti-mech grade satchel charges-those should be more than adequate for your purposes. If not consult one of the smiths, I am certain they can help you.

+++To: Tacho+++
+++From: Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++RE: Nanofabrication Equipment+++

All Iron Company personnel also includes you-as for hygiene you are not exactly the most fragrant oilfruit-especially after the last incident. It took me a week to get your stench out of my air scrubbers-see to your own personal cleanliness before berating others.

+++To: Motoyoshi Kaoru+++
+++From: Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++RE: Lubricant+++

Why in the Ancestor's Name are you sending this request to my logistics unit? I just had one of the smiths come and ask about an order for personal lubricant. Please ensure you are sending these missives to the CORRECT address beforehand as you have already caused a not-inconsiderable delay in operations.
 
From: YTP Logistics
To: Motoyoshi Kaoru
Re: Lubricant

Apologies. Order fulfillment mixed your order up with one going to Tsenlan that had ordered 10,000 boxes of the small bottles as favors for some kind of "event". Not sure how it happened. The customer reached out to us about the mix up as well, they volunteered to have an emissary hand deliver your order immediately.

Very Respectfully,

Logistics Manager
 
+++FROM:Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++TO: All Iron Company and Visiting Personnel+++
+++SUBJECT: Showers+++

Several issues have been called to my attention recently, so I am sending out this missive to address them...

Firstly, I understand the fact that the showers being communal has caused some issues, at the moment given that Skalditown only has so much space to work with given Njord Prime's environment so we have had to prioritize certain facilities over others-this includes the barracks showers. No one gets special treatment so please refrain from harassing one another-if you cannot abide by this, either get a basin or go back to your ship's quarters if you are a visitor.

Secondly, I understand that you all are bored, as the life of a soldier is not the glamorous, glorious, and action-filled trade as depicted in the holovids and stories, but the showers are not the place to engage in a firefight-I don't care funny you think it is when someone gets hit with a stunner from a battle rifle. The infirmaries are full of yeomen who have suffered severe burns and potential nerve damage due to these activites. The towel incident was bad enough, but this? We have had to repair the showers 3 times in the last month alone! The next individuals caught doing this will receive 20 lashes and then extra duty and half-pay for no less than one month, and no more than three-further offenses during this period will see the individual in question be reassigned to rough rider details during this period. To visiting personnel do not encourage them-we already have enough trouble treating norian visitors, do not add others to that list.

Thirdly, there is also the matter of personal effects being discovered by those on sanitation duty have included but were not limited to the following:
*Clothing, especially undergarments
*Miscellaneous Bathing items including lufas, rags, brushes, etc,
*Empty Hygiene Product Containers
*Food items
*Various Marital Aids

That last one is of particular note-I understand that one has urges, but refrain from satiating them where everyone else bathes. I know by certain people's views we are barbarians but we do have standards! A suitable punishment should one be caught will be decided on a case-by-case basis.
 
+++FROM: Aelya Eitan+++
+++TO: Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++SUBJECT: Showers+++

Dear gods why am I on this distro? Tell them if they want to break something to crush a few skulls in and stop banging the showers.

Though I am curious as to what your beautifully dangerous gathering of Valhallans are leaving out as marital aids. Scientifically curious of course.

I have a nice illustrated torture book if you need it to show them examples of punishments.
 
+++FROM: Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++TO: Aleya Eitan+++
+++SUBJECT: Showers+++

My apologies, there seems to have been an increase in communication leaks as of late as we have received missives meant for the YTP Logistics personnel requesting personal lubricant of all things. As for marital aids...while I will not say that these sorts of things do not happen among our ranks, this has become a major issue since we started allowing increased visitation to Njord outside of business purposes.

I may end up taking you up on that offer of a torture book, though I am loathe to give the yeomen any more creative ideas on how to brutalize the enemy; or find ways to implement some of the techniques into whatever nonsense they get up to. They were still cleaning bits of gribbly out of one of the ship holds after a boarding action.
 
FROM: Ratshati Swiftfoot, Galnaim Swiftfoot, (and random 8 other names)
TO: ISS Sobek location unknown
SUBJECT: We miss you, honey!



Little Nikicon, we have missed you dearly since you left with the human Lenna on that gunship. I hope that this finds you well and not blown into tiny pieces. WE also hope that you contact us here sometime as we still love and care for you despite leaving against our wishes, Your sisters and brothers still speak of you and miss you dearly.

Love Mom

Nikicon! Why have you not responded to the message sent a year ago? Are you ignoring your family? Anyway, I forgive you for your huff and puff departed to find glory with THAT human captain. I do hope that you found what you were looking for and will return home where you belong. A rabbit such as yourself does not belong out in the universe alone. Your sisters, brothers, cousins, and mother miss you dearly.

Father

Message goes on from 20 other different sisters, brothers, and cousins all missing and worried about their sister/cousin Nikicon.
 
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+++FROM: Yuri Asakura+++
+++TO: Aelya Eitan+++
+++SUBJECT: Magazines+++

Hey Aelya-clan

these magazines you sent me, Norian Akels Maujausonu Wuurlw, and the other um stack, they seem interesting, and educational. I didn’t know Norians have no hair down there like Nekovalkyrja, though I will say I don’t think I can do soe of these things in it. space-wise not optimum.

PS The crossword puzzle was fun though!

Yuri Asakura
 
+++FROM: Aelya Eitan+++
+++TO: Yuri Asakura+++
+++SUBJECT: Magazines+++

Yuri,

Huh? I didn't send those. Hells I didn't even know someone made that kind of thing, though I'm not surprised.

Aelya
 
+++FROM:Grandmaster Albert Steiner+++
+++TO: All Iron Company and Visiting Personnel+++
+++SUBJECT: Safety Protocols+++

To all Iron Company and Visting Personnel; safety protocols, especially in regards to engineering equipment, are there for a reason. The maintenance crews have enough to do without you adding to it.

Steiner.
 
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