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Approved Character Khami Zhivan

Umm... Put this on hold for a little bit, i'm thinking of doing something else with her and she needs revising first.

i'll get back to her soon.
 
She has been revamped, for use in Exhack's plot. Sorry luca, but since you had so many people wanting into the phoenix, I figured Exhack needed me more.

Oh, and I still need help on measurements.
 
Khamomile was born with a batch of three Nekos, 18 years ago
Click to expand...
I don't think nekos were around back then, and certainly not for sale (NH-2s) until YE 18. If you're going for creation as an NH-7, please note the NH-7 came out four years later in YE 22.
 
Thanks for the info, I did not know this. I will edit accordingly.

Edit: Simple fix, took all the 1's off dates and ages.
 
I think the only thing that truly hits me is the vagrant part.

First, the mom dies and the sheltered Yamataian wants to wander. That's OK. But what did the mother leave her? Anything? Clothes on her back? Cash? Etc.

Second, where did she wander to? Yamatai's been pretty darn safe for a long time, depending on what cities she wandered to (Eastern Yamatai being a bit more rough-and-tumble than Western Yamatai).

Third, where did she get her street smarts? Most streetwise people I know aren't giving, or bubbly, or trusting. They're survivors, especially if they lived on the streets. Why is she not more like that?

I'm not pointing these out as flaws, per se, but as things that don't add up. Essentially you gave your character a fairly long backstory, in terms of years, but you don't pin down the facts well enough to define how it all went down. That's what I'd look for.
 
Hmm.. I hadn't really thought about what the mother would have left them. I guess I'll have to work on that one.

I did say vagrant "of sorts" meaning she was more a drifter than vagrant, going from place to place, doing odd jobs, living in hotels, etc. I guess I just needed to be more specific about it.

what you've pointed out shows me I was hurrying to fix this character. I'll have to go through and make some edits for it to fit better. Thanks for the feedback, Doshii.

I still need help with measurements, however.
 
Hrm. I do believe she's fixed. She's now shorter and lighter, and has measurements. Her personality is updated, as is her history.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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